Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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MichelleBelle 10/18/2011

It will be two years December 3rd since I left my abusive ex fiance. For the most part things are ok I guess. I am back to living with my parents and going to school. I find it very hard to concentrate on anything though. I feel scatter brained quite often and I have trouble dealing with stress. I get overwhelmed very easily.

I have not seen or heard from my ex in over a year but in the last few months I have been having nightmares about him & the abuse. All of a sudden the emotional pain is hitting me. I guess I just bottled it up for so long because I had to push through. I had to finish my classes and I had to go to work. For months my coworkers didn't even know I had left him.

I started dating 6 months after i left him and I have been with the same guy for about a year and a half. He has been a close friend of mine for years. It feels good being with someone who knew me before everything. He still sees me as the same girl and not just some damaged woman. He is a great guy. Very supportive. But i think now that I am starting to feel safe again I'm allowing myself to feel that hurt that I have shut out for so long.

I thought I had already worked through all of this though....
Does it ever get better? Does it ever go away? Or is this something I will always have to work at?

mildred71 10/18/2011

I have no idea what my ex-boyfriend is doing, because I have been no contact for two years. I have good days, I have bad days. I so love that you posted this, because I too have been wondering, does it get better. There is a poem that gives me hope.
He gives beauty for ashes,
Strength for tears,
Gladness for mourning,
Peace for despair.

MichelleBelle 10/18/2011

:) Thank you for that. My ex has tried to worm his way back into my life. trying to add all of my friends on facebook. Including my boyfriend. We both have him blocked now so there isn't much he can do. And thankfully I have two very big brothers and a dad who is retired military and owns a lot of guns, so he doesn't come around.

I too have good days and bad days. Sometimes I just feel like emotionally I am right where I was two years ago. I know that isn't so, but I still don't feel like I have made much progress.

deleted_user 10/18/2011

I've only been separated from my ex-fiance a couple months, but have a lot of the same feelings as you. I think that when you get that close to someone (enough to want to marry then) that unfortunately they're always going to be a part of you and you might get pangs once in awhile. I'd like to believe though that those pangs get farther and farther apart and last less and less as time goes on.

You did the right thing by leaving and it sounds like your life is a lot better. I hope the emotional gets better for you too :-)

IleneW 10/18/2011

First, good for you, for getting out.

Good for you!!!

Also, I'm glad that you're with a
great, supportive guy.

Now. . . . . if you haven't already, I'd
suggest that you look around and
find for yourself, a counselor who
is qualified to help guide you on
your journey of recovery and healing.

Therapy can help. Support groups
can help. Reading and integrating
good words and good thoughts
can help.

Try all these things and
love yourself and your life,
every minute you can.

It can and does get better.
Time alone, seldom heals
all wounds. We have to take
certain actions, ourself. Then,
those actions, combined with
time, can help us move toward
a much, much better life.

Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.

Livndadrem 10/18/2011

As usual, I agree with Ilene.

I also wonder whether the reason you are feeling this way now is because of your ex trying to get back into your life through FB?

The bad stuff comes and goes, I think, but each time it comes it's weaker and shorter lived. I don't believe we will ALWAYS have to work at it. But I do believe we have to work at it.

All the best to you.

MichelleBelle 10/27/2011

any suggestions on what to do if i can't afford counseling? My school doesn't really have anything as far as Mental Health for students. My insurance doesn't cover that stuff either and I don't have the money to pay out of pocket.

artemis000 10/27/2011

Sounds like you could benefit from abuse counselling. I'm coming up to nearly 3 years out and still have flashbacks. Talking things through with a counsellor/therapist definitely helps.

Take care.

MichelleBelle 10/27/2011

When i first left him it was tearing me up. I still thought i loved him. But my parents blocked his number from my phone so i couldn't call or txt him and he couldn't contact me. I hated them for it at the time but it was for the best. distancing myself from him allowed me to see him for what he was.

Once I realized that the person I was in love with did not exist I was able to kind of let go. But now I just feel nothing but this intense hate for him. Anger and Rage. I honestly wish he were dead. like something could just come crashing out of the sky and kill him and I would feel nothing. And this scares me...... anybody else been through that?

artemis000 10/27/2011

If finances don't permit counselling, Michelle, you could try your local women's centre. There's a wealth of information there and they might be able to point you in the direction of a pro bono DV counsellor.

MichelleBelle 10/27/2011

thank you :)

IleneW 10/27/2011

Try calling:

(800) 524-4765

Livndadrem 10/27/2011

The fact that he's trying to worm his way back in after 2 years would be enough to send most people into a rage fantasy where he dies. My ex contacted me for the first time in a year and a half the other night and I am not ashamed to say that, for the first time in a long time, I also wished him dead. I didn't care so much when he was "vanished" but if he's gonna try to find a way back into my life, I'd rather he died.

All perfectly normal, I think. Long as you don't act on it, no problem wishing he were dead.

MichelleBelle 10/28/2011

Of course I would never act on it. I couldn't live with myself taking another human beings life. Even a low life like him. It just makes me feel cold and dead inside that I can honestly say that I would not care if he died. He, the guy I once loved and was planning a life with.

He has moved to Asia for the time being. Escaping reality i think. He can't hold a job because he is completely irresponsible and he is a failure at school even though he is incredibly smart. But at least he is about as far away as he can get. That does help some but it doesn't stop him from trying to get info out of my friends about what is going on with me. Most of our mutual friends i don't speak to anymore because of this. I quit going to the church we went to as well.

I just wish it would all go away. I want to move and not tell anyone except close family where. I don't want him to be able to find me.

gamine 10/28/2011

Michelle,

I have the same problem as you. It's been 8 months since I left my abusive ex, and he caused a fair amount of trauma that I am not getting counseling for. I also have moments when I am intensely angry at him and wish him dead. I have not been in any contact with him at all, thankfully. I also get triggers, from time to time, when I am consumed with thoughts about the shit he pulled and how he hurt me.

It's pretty normal I think. We are processing trauma, and unfortunately, it takes some time. I would advise you get some specialized trauma counselling as well. You will be fine.

deleted_user 10/28/2011

''Even a low life like him. It just makes me feel cold and dead inside that I can honestly say that I would not care if he died. He, the guy I once loved and was planning a life with.

He has moved to Asia for the time being. Escaping reality i think. He can't hold a job because he is completely irresponsible and he is a failure at school even though he is incredibly smart. But at least he is about as far away as he can get. That does help some but it doesn't stop him from trying to get info out of my friends about what is going on with me.''
O had to quote all that as it is exactly what is happening to me! Except ,ome left to Africa to escape the same things you descirbe above.....reality! IAnd Yes, many times I wished him to just die and be GONE!! It felt like his only purpose of him around my life was to fuck it up and he has no right! WTF! But hen one day I thought that if he did die I would idolise him even more. Just like the famous that die and become famous! SO, I prefer him alive than have to idolize him like that. But yeah, totally normal to wish that. So sad, but under our circumstances, it's normal I guess.

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