when its over you will stop reading......

Hmm.... what do you get out of reading it all, is what I would like to know? It seems to me that the answer would be 'nothing' considering that you are feeling what you say you feel now. But if it is 'nothing' then why??? Very confusing! :)
If it isnt hurting you, then do what you want. But is it hurting you? Why are you doing it!!? lol... Now I just want to understand. :P

What do I get out of it??
It tells me the things that used to hurt me doesn't anymore...
It helps me in knowing what a looser he is...
How manipulative he was with me...
He says everything that should have made me weak but it doesn't anymore...

But I will stop reading all that anymore...
As what good can come out of it??

Take that step to cut him out of your life as much as possible. I don't know if there are children involved in your relationship or not. If so, it makes it a little harder to cut all ties, but if not...cut him off. If he knows your reading his blog, then he's still controlling and manipulating you. 50 days of no contact is awesome! You're ahead of my by a few days. Make it easier on yourself and stay away from him and his blog.
You're doing wonderful...stay strong!
Hugs!

Thanks Katt...You helped me more then you can imagine..Really needed those kind words...No there are no children..You are right I will have to cut off all the ties..as this is just another way of making him control me(although he can't come to know I am reading it as I have not registered and I directly go to the blog page) but still will have to end it...Slow and steady steps...

It's a one day at time healing process. You're only making it harder on yourself by reading his ramblings. I know it's hard to let go. I'm still curious about my STBX, but I've found that if I do find out anything, it only hurts me and makes me sad. They aren't worth it. You're right, slow and easy steps. Take the next step and forget his silly blog. You have better things to do with your time, like moving forward and healing yourself. I wish you the best of luck! Keep coming back here. It's so helpful for all of us.

Thanks Katt for your wishes..Yes DS has definitely been my daily strength.. :-)

I agree with Katt. Don't read them, they are his way to control and get inside your head. He knows you are still reading them. He spreads his sweet words on the page in order to illicit a reaction from you...any reaction. He will say nasty things, good things anything.

I know because I have watched my ex do this to others and I know he does it to me because I read his occasionally. We are only human and curious We both need to NOT READ the lies and games. How they pour their hearts out looking for the adoration and stimulation that we used to supply their needy twisted egos.

So true Lavender...I am gonna stick to my plan of not going to his blog...I will have to free myself from his grip asap...I am also changing my number to stop any further contact from his side through sms etc..I want all this to end asap..I have had enough...

isha...please don't be hard on yourself for this one! It is normal that we are still curious. Why?? Because we do not have proper closure. This was not a normal break up. This is soooo much more involved than that. Their influence is deeply imbedded in our subconscious. It's really tough to knock that stuff out! I've done the same thing, you are not alone.

It takes a lot of work, but it's best not to go there. It only causes MORE confusion and pain, and you're already dealing with enough. It's something you have to train yourself not to do...like NOT picking up the phone and calling. Do anything else other than that.

Just think, 'if I go to his blog, I take a step back...if I don't, I take 5 steps forward'. Heck, reward yourself somehow. Go for a pedicure after you haven't visited the blog for a week. Why not? ;)

Thanks Calm...You made me smile...Thanks for that...It feels real good if someone understands...You are right..I will conciously work on not visiting the blog..and reward myself with a treat for not doing the same for a week..
Slowly I will have to move out of the cage he had made for me...Now though I am not in the cage but I am keeping a watch on it...To see is it the same??
No use..will only make things tougher for me...

hi Isha,

HAve you ever thought about making your own blog on something you have passion for?

please contribute to my blog about Abstinence from these situations if you like, i dont think u are immature, you are on a self help forum. I knew a bully who always had to have the last word , i let him nuke himself all night by cutting the link

I think it takes us time to work out why we do the things we did when mixed up with the messed up situations. For me my therapy is in creating things and helping others.

power to you.

I blocked his e-mails and from time to time i read some of them as a sort of therapy just to see how far i've come in healing, reading them validates he is a definate abuser, from all what i've read and learnt he's classic.

I abruptly cut all contact without warning after stringing him along with e-mail contact for a few months, i know bit naughty of me, but couldn't help it, the opportunity to play him at his own game was irresistable.

I'd learnt it was games they play after we leave so i acted dumb went along with it, but in reality i was learning and healing.

Who knows maybe your doing it subconciouslly as a form of therapy see how far you've come from when that type of stuff would have affected you deeply. Your human and bound to be curious and afterall he was a big part of your life at one time, even though we can remove ourselves physically from a situation it takes time to remove ourselves emotionally, you are not a robot you are a person, don't be too hard on yourself.

Thank Mipoppy..for your wishes..
I am passionate of helping people who have gone through similar experiences as me..I don't know how to go about it..I hope I will find a way for the same..

Thanx happiness..for your kind words..Visiting his blog was definitely a therapy for me as it made see through all his tactics..I shared what he wrote with my sister and that helped me more in realising what a jerk he is.
I just think now I should move on with my life as reading what he writes drags me into my past..Though it doesn't hurt anymore..It definitely scares me...
Yest he called me..I didn't pick up..But aftr that I was sooooo scared like I have done something that I wasn't supposed to do..Like I will be punished for being sooo rude..This is why I am changing my number as I want to start afresh..I know it's tough..

But with the support from my family,few good friends and DS I think I can do it..I don't want to analyse the abuse anymore as I know that IT WAS ABUSE..

Now I want my life back..The naughty, smiling, caring, helping me...I want it all back..And NO CONTACT seems to be the only way for that...

I hope changing my number is a good decision..Any comments?