Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
After 4 years of domestic violence, I got my now ex out of New Zealand. He lived here for 3 years. He is a US Citizen.
4 years later I divorced him, filing in New Zealand. He was never going to divorce me.
Unfortunately as I came into this relationship with assets (a house, house contents etc) , he is entitled to 50% of the assets according to the NZ Relationship property law. Regardless of what happened in the relationship. Of course he had nothing. and of course while I worked and looked after the house, he just sat around like lord of the manor.
And now he has filed for relationship property.
I have a lawyer, and we are in the process of filing a notice of defense but I am finding it so stressful.
I have to list out my assets and the details (policy number, bank details etc) and he will get to read this info, he will have a copy of this info. He will know what I have been up to over the past few years. This feeds into his controlling nature.
Worse, there is a high probability he will get half.
He hasn't paid any child support since he has been gone but NZ law works it out on what he earns. He doesn't have a job so it works out to be a payment of $70 per month. Peanuts. And that would come out of what he gets from me. So I'll be paid child support from my own funds that have been given to him?
They do take into account the child, sort of. It seems to not be a big factor. We may get to live in the house for a couple of years before i have to sell.
And worse, once he gets his big payout he will take me to court for custody proceedings. Like I haven't already being drained. He shouldn't get too far but will probably end up with phone calls (to a child who hasn't had contact for 5 years) and what controlling manipulative crap will he dish out. I have tried to protect our daughter but NZ law likes the child to have contact with both parents.
I've rung NZ women's Refugee and they also said while it wasn't fair, he probably would get half.
So my abusive ex, who isn't allowed back in NZ is going to get a big fat payout.
Has anyone been in a situation similar to me? Or know of someone?
Has any advice?
4 years later I divorced him, filing in New Zealand. He was never going to divorce me.
Unfortunately as I came into this relationship with assets (a house, house contents etc) , he is entitled to 50% of the assets according to the NZ Relationship property law. Regardless of what happened in the relationship. Of course he had nothing. and of course while I worked and looked after the house, he just sat around like lord of the manor.
And now he has filed for relationship property.
I have a lawyer, and we are in the process of filing a notice of defense but I am finding it so stressful.
I have to list out my assets and the details (policy number, bank details etc) and he will get to read this info, he will have a copy of this info. He will know what I have been up to over the past few years. This feeds into his controlling nature.
Worse, there is a high probability he will get half.
He hasn't paid any child support since he has been gone but NZ law works it out on what he earns. He doesn't have a job so it works out to be a payment of $70 per month. Peanuts. And that would come out of what he gets from me. So I'll be paid child support from my own funds that have been given to him?
They do take into account the child, sort of. It seems to not be a big factor. We may get to live in the house for a couple of years before i have to sell.
And worse, once he gets his big payout he will take me to court for custody proceedings. Like I haven't already being drained. He shouldn't get too far but will probably end up with phone calls (to a child who hasn't had contact for 5 years) and what controlling manipulative crap will he dish out. I have tried to protect our daughter but NZ law likes the child to have contact with both parents.
I've rung NZ women's Refugee and they also said while it wasn't fair, he probably would get half.
So my abusive ex, who isn't allowed back in NZ is going to get a big fat payout.
Has anyone been in a situation similar to me? Or know of someone?
Has any advice?
god bless
You have every right to be frustrated and scared. Anyone would be in your situation!
I also agree with itsjustme that the money and property will be worth it to get yourself free. Things are just that, and you can rebuild. But life married to an abuser is a dead end.
If that sort of thing is permissible in NZ law you could "sell" virtually everything you own to a friend for only a few dollars. Then your ex would barely get squat when things are finalized in court. Then you just "buy back" the items from your friend.
If he really has no job then he might not be able to afford to harass you further through the courts after that.
Also, for good measure invest in several big bags of Haribo sugar-free gummy bears so that he gets half or all the bags when things are divided.
Why would I suggest this?
For the same reason I advise you NOT to eat or let your daughter eat any of them. Look up the product on Amazon and read the reviews to see why and imagine your ex eating a bag or two. (The company has a disclaimer somewhere on the bags that basically states that eating the gummy bears may cause you to blow out your colon.)