Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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h.e.a.l. 07/09/2016

Again, for the second time this week, I posted a response (to "What exactly is emotional abuse?"). After I hit send, it appeared "published" on the page. Then I navigated away and came back to find that it's not there. I suspect it may reappear at some point, as did my response earlier this week. But. . . there you go. This "upgrade" has been a frustrating fiasco.

What I just said is to look for patterns.

Once you determine that there ARE patterns of being discounted, devalued and disrespected, you can conclude that you're being abused.

After that it's IMPERATIVE to NOT (I repeat. . . ). . . . to NOT tell the abuser, "Hey Buddy. . . guess what? You're abusing me. Stop it!"

Why not? Because the result will be an escalation of abuse, not a discontinuation.

Also, once you know you're being abused, stop sharing your intimate, inner thoughts with the abuser. This is even more important if you're working with a counselor or advocate.

Hopefully the disappeared response will reappear.

I'm sure on here considerably less n since the migration. Who has time to repeat every response? Good luck to D.S. members. Missing the "good old days" here!"

HarrysMom 07/09/2016

hi, not sure if this is going to be the same for you as it was for me - but, i thought my responses were disappearing? and then i found out they were there! only they were on the next page!!! i could not tell there WAS a next page because i couldn't see the page number! but there was one and accidentlay went to the next page and there was what i thought disappeared!!! maybe your responses are secretly on the next page??? i know it is hard to get used to this, but little things are getting better; it is like a little sublte thing at a time, youknow?

h.e.a.l. 07/09/2016

Thanks HarrysMom. Your "heads up" helped me find the virtually greyed out page number indicator. Thanks for that piece of direction. I'm not sure I'm ready to share your optimistic observation about little things getting better. . . . or.. . . . maybe they are. It's just that I'm not feeling great confidence that this site will be back to even remotely usable in my lifetime. Still. . . . thanks again.

MyTrueColors 07/09/2016

I just had one disappear too! I reported it.

Rosenkranz 07/10/2016

I have had the same problem as HarrysMom described. I complained about it, too, and I thought they fixed it. The page numbers of responses are indeed virtually invisible.

Rosenkranz 07/10/2016

Oh, but on a positive note, you can't miss the dashboard! LOL

h.e.a.l. 07/10/2016

Or the advertisers, with the lovely images of psoriatic elbows, etc.

patti22 07/10/2016

This place has gotten so quiet. I didn't think that it would end like this. I miss you and MTC, and Shasta, and DeliAnne and so so many others. I can't say that I agreed with any of you all of the time, but the place was full of love and caring. I always sort of had the feeling that someday, I'd be one of the last to post, and turn out the lights as it were. I still have hopes that that won't be for many years to come.

h.e.a.l. 07/10/2016

Hi patti ----

Well, I'm still posting. I've put in a lot of time here and being able to support and be supported became a routine part of most days for me. So many things about the new site are less effective and less satisfactory than the way things were. . . . but that doesn't mean it's useless. Maybe over time, some things here will improve (or we'll just get used to the new normal). Anyway, Still giving it a try, on this end. Think good thoughts.

MyTrueColors 07/11/2016

sheesh, I just posted a response and lost it because I was apparently not signed in, even tho it looked like I was. :-(

Thank you, patti. I miss being here. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. For now, I will have to forego reading all the comments and just leave my response, even if it duplicates others and/or if I miss info posted as a comment by the OP. I really hate doing that, but, other than to just stop coming to DS, it seems to be the only workable alternative unless (or hopefully until) they fix the seriously cumbersome navigation issues.

piks 07/15/2016

Thank you h.e.al. The hardest part is not giving information or sharing feelings with the abuser. You were right about not calling them out on it... the predictability of their behaviour patterns is painfully ridiculous. hugs and thank you so much.

h.e.a.l. 07/15/2016

You're welcome! For the record, not wanting to but had to, just to get on ---- I changed my username to the name of my organization H.E.A.L., short for Healing Emotionally Abused Lives. My name is Ilene. My former user name was IleneW

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