Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
To try to make a long story short, I've been recently been working on healing from an abusive relationship. After moving far away to be with my bf and the abuse had got worse, I returned home and have since been trying to work on myself. I was depressed for awhile but finally got a job and thought I was starting to heal. I recently lost my job. I was working in a contact centre and couldn't emotionally handle being yelled at on the phones all day long after going through what I did with my ex. He called me the other day to tell me that he was finally going to ship me my belongings that I had left there. I was feeling really down to begin with my job situation and trying to decide what to do with my life once again. I told him what was going on, stupidly thinking that for once even as a friend he just may make me feel a bit better. I felt so alone at the time. He then procedes to yell at me and say very hurtful things to me. He said that I was spoiled and lived a sheltered life so far and the minute things don't go my way I play the victim. The conversation continued for quite sometime with me sobbing on the phone the entire time and him just yelling at me and telling me that I haven't been doing enough and that I should listen to him not my friends because he knows better and my friends will only sugar coat things. Then he starts to tell me all about how he has a female visitor coming to visit him etc. Nothing like getting kicked while I'm already down. I feel very disappionted in myself for letting him still get to me. I feel stupid and like I failed for loosing my job. I really was being positive and was proud of myself for starting to heal and now I feel like I just took ten steps backwards. It seems like it's just so easy for him to move on with life and I'm having such a hard time. I know I shouldn't care about what is going on with him but it's hard not to think about things. I have so much time to think again now. I truly do want to move beyond this and come out stronger but I'm having a hard time coping.
I'm so sorry for how badly you're feeling.
If there was ever time for a fresh start for yourself, this sounds like it!
Start to try and do things that build yourself, inside and out.
Do things for yourself that feel good, that bring you comfort. Then go from there. We've got to start from a center that's positive, even a tiny one.
Build on your strengths. Whatever it is you do well, start doing that, even if it's for free. If you have to take work that doesn't fultill you, if you're doing something you love the rest of the time ---- that'll help.
Then remember ---- someone who screams and yells at you, and hurts you ----- is NOT a friend!
More later.
Be well.
Ilene
Abusers are not supportive and empathetic, they only want the pity and attention on themselves.
You should be proud of yourself for making a go at a new job and being positive and proactive, which is very tough to do without support around you.
It's 'easy' for him to move on because abusers don't care who they discard if there is no longer a purpose served for them. This has NOTHING to do with you.
Of course it hurts, you have REAL emotions (unlike them), and you cared about a person you thought was a genuine...he turned out not to be. Please don't knock yourself for this, abusers do and say all the right things to 'rope' you into a relationship, they seem so great for a while. But eventually they must reveal their true selves, and it's so traumatic for the abused person to come to this realization.
Moving on and healing takes lots of time, support, reading...and possibly therapy if you feel you need extra help, there is no shame in it.
Keep reading the forums here, you will see a lot of similarities in what others have experienced. Personally, it has helped me so much to know that I am not crazy or a loser, but a victim of something truly evil.
Best wishes to you!
A lot of women here will tell you that "no contact" is a step in healing. There is no reason for you to stay on the phone and listen to anything he has to say. You have been abused but you do not have to let him continue to abuse you.
The grieving process is a long one. But please understand that you absolutely MUST allow yourself setbacks. It is all a part of the process. You should not be in a job where you are being yelled at.
Everyday is a new day. I am hoping that the sun will shine on you soon and you will find the strength within to overcome. Hugs!