My SO did not go to the bar on Friday where his ex-stoker girlfriend goes to play head games with us and challenge me. I don't know if he didn't go because I talked to her and now that the truth is out he is embarrassed or if he really has a suspicion that it would be the end of us. Either way, he did not go and he is pouting about it. He still comes around, going through the motions of a relationship, but we are both clearly at an emotional distance with one another. We are both still using our biggest defenses about the fight in passive ways. His defense about lying was that it wasn't a lie because it was none of my business, so every time I say anything that he can toss that into the conversation, there it is. Every time I get a chance I talk about how Accountability is the mark of an adult.

I am making an exta effort to focus on my life. There were projects and things I was involved in before we reconciled that seem to have been lost asI have been consumed in this drama of the LIE about the crazy stalker lady who has hounded him us at the bar for 6mo. It seemed to consume my life trying to get him to walk away from that so that we could move on. Him saying leave it alone, and it will work its way out.

I'm done with that shit. Even if he has big attitude about it, if he chooses to spend his Fridays, while I am at work with a new job schedule, at the bar with the stalker -ex trying to get his attention, then I will continue making distance. I am trying to keep my feet firm in this detachment so that as this vol-ital situation plays out, I won't be so fragile about a break up like I was last week when it pierced that terrifying abandonment place in my soul.