Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Did she really mean it?

michiev
michiev
I'm torn between thinking my ex best friend (who was very emotionally abusive) is a good person and didn't mean what she did or shes a horrible person who meant every little thing... I'm talking to her again after a little break, her and her boyfriend have broken up (He was emotionally abusive to her but i don't know if she realizes that) It's causing me some anxiety to be talking to her again, especially when I bring up how she made me feel for the latter part of our friendship, She doesn't think she did anything wrong at all... I'm just.. wondering if i'm making too big a deal out of it.. But then i remember all the things she said and did and I feel like regardless of her boyfriend being abusive or not, She did that to me.. There were no reasons, no excuses for what she did... But i start thinking she can't have meant to do that, she can't be that much of a horrible person.

Can she?
deleted_user
deleted_user
"Did she really mean it?"
Abusers intend to hurt. That is what they do. you say she was very emotionally abusive to you, so why on earth do you want to get reinvolved with her again? what is she offering you? Not friendship,Friends, true friends do not abuse. A person who claims to be a friend who then subsequently abuses is a user period as well as a liar and not someone to get reinvolved with.
azkevin
azkevin
It's taken me a long time to realize that abusers know what they are doing, and are making conscious decisions to abuse. They simply don't give a damn about anyone's feelings but their own. If they werent consious of their abuse, they would feel remorse, apologize, and stop if the abuse was pointed out to them. How could someone continue to do the same things to someone else even after they are told how much they are hurting?
deleted_user
deleted_user
" How could someone continue to do the same things to someone else even after they are told how much they are hurting?"
Entitlement. Believeing they are superior, they believe they are entitled to say and do exactly as they want to regardless of how much it hurts. Correcting, punishing, and criticizing are the main weapons in an abuser's arsenal.
MyTrueColors
MyTrueColors
I've gotten to the point where I really don't care if they meant it or not; or if they realize what they're doing or not. The fact is they ARE DOING IT.

I think what is hard for those of us who have lived with abuse is to determine where the line is between people being human and unintentionally hurting us and the person who is habitually abusive.

Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words, so pay attention to what she does and pay attention to how your gut reacts and trust your gut. If it feels abusive it is. For me that means its time to get out of the relationship.
gogogiz
gogogiz
if you're experiencing doubt & anxiety from talking to her & she's minimizing your feelings...I'd just give up on having any sort of meaningful friendship.
Sounds to me like she's just causing you pain already.
good luck!
xoxo
gogo