Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I feel like....when Im at the bottom of the barrel I always somehow end up on this site....
Anyway nothing unusual but this boy really hurt me recently. I graduated from an MA program at USC film school. Now finally found a job after six months of searching at an entertainment company. Met this boy, working on his film set for free, two weekends in a row, until 6am both weekends. Worked my ass off helping him. I thought he was cute right away. And he was flirtatious with me right away. After I worked on his set we started texting. We texted for about a few weeks....and then my friend asked both of us to help her on her film, so we ended up working together again. When we started working together again, we made plans to hang out, strictly as friends. I was going to come to his place (he doesn't have a car and lives near campus) and we were going to watch each others movies.
Of course, his first idea is to drink, and he pulls alcohol out of his fridge. One thing lead to another and we slept together. It was NOT planned...AT ALL.
There was a point where we were talking and he just kissed me...and it made me smile and I liked it. But immediately after he kissed me he literally took his pants off and got naked. And I was drunk and confused and was asking him...wait...what are we doing? Whats happening here? I'm shy...I wasn't planning this. And he goes, "I want to fuck"
I was drunk, I felt awkward...I knew I had to work with him and a group of my friends for the next two weeks on long film shoots.....so I caved in. I didn't want to embarrass him..I didn't want things to be awkward when we worked together.
So we slept together. Once that time, and again the next morning. And for the next few weeks I kind of had to convince myself that I liked him and that the sex was something I wanted, even though I wasn't ready for it.
We started texting every day. He literally was asking me what I was doing and if I wanted to see him...almost every single day.
We worked on set one weekend and he couldn't stop hugging me and kissing my cheek and he was so affectionate. He would say that he liked me and that he missed me, and that we had a connection.
Out of nowhere, when I confided to one of my friends that we had hooked up, my friend went- STAY AWAY from him, he is bad news. He hooked up with Dream. Dream is this girl friend Thailand, and she is married. My friend was texting me as he was hanging out with them in a group and he was telling me how the guy I was "seeing" was cuddling with her all night and that they slept together and that he is a bad guy and that I should never see him again.
I ignored my friend...until I found out that this guy was going to bring HER on set to help him out. At that point I got really upset and hurt...I started being paranoid. Are they hooking up? Are they dating? Why is he bringing her on set, knowing that I will be there? Is he purposefully trying to hurt me? Am I just this girl that he slept with that he doesn't even care about?
So I decided to confront him. I told him that I found out they slept together and that its hurtful that he would bring her on set, knowing that I was going to be working there as well. Immediately he told me that these "RUMORS" weren't true, and that he never had any romantic or sexual relationships with her and that she is just a friend, and he would never hurt me. And that he liked me and it wouldnt change anything or how he felt about me. He also told me how "hurt" he was that I accused him of such a thing and that he thought I understood him and that I was wrong when I decided to believe others when none of that information was true.
He ended up telling her everything I said, so she never showed up
When we ended up working together a few days later, everything was cold. He barely looked at me, didn't hug me or anything like he used to. When we finally finished at 5AM I was ready to go home, and all of a sudden he asked me for a ride home.
I gave him a ride home and he invited me up.
I assumed at that point that he wanted to sleep with me and I told myself that I should sleep with him...itll make me feel closer to him. We will reconnect and forget these stupid rumors and we will "make up"
He was exhausted and so was I..and I had to go to work in literally three hours. So I tried to have sex with him multiple times.
I know he was exhausted and there were times when he kind of pulled me up and said he just wanted to watch TV with me, but I just wanted to make him feel good and feel close to him again. I tried to be playful and tell him that I just wanted to make him feel good..and there was a moment when he was like ohhh Im so tired but it does feel really good. Eventually he gave in and got on top of me, but the sex was cold and distant.
We were supposed to hang out the next night..but when I said my goodbyes and said "See you later?" he completely shut me down and said he is busy, when I knew he wasn't.
I texted him during the day to make sure he was ok. I could tell things were awkward sexually so I asked if I had done anything to make him feel uncomfortable and I apologized if I had
He didn't speak to me all day....until he called me at night. And then accused me of basically molesting him. He told me that I sexually "took advantage" of him and then proceeded to call me extremely clingy. Proceeded to tell me that he didn't want a girlfriend etc. etc...said he wasn't a "sexual" person. So since then I have been feeling like I raped him...and I literally don't know what to do with myself.....
He was the one who initiated a sexual relationship in the first place.... We had slept together for maybe four or five times. So me being horny one night and wanting to reconnect with him somehow screwed everything up? And made me some kind of molester?
He was the one asking me almost every day to see me. Literally texting me every day. Asking me to come over every day. He started ALL of it. And in the end pointed fingers at me and made me feel crazy
THEN, heres the twist. Out of nowhere the other woman, Dream, calls me. That very same night. She heard I was having trouble with him from my friend. And she made a FULL confession of everything. Told me everything was true. She cheated on her husband and slept with him, multiple times. How he was in love with her over the summer. How he still tries to invite her upstairs and sleep with her.
I ended up texting him how hurt I was. That he lied to me. That I feel he manipulated me....that I trusted him and he broke me.
I never heard from him again.
We have a lot of the same friends. I worry that we will run into each other and I am mortified at the idea. I just want to shut off and drink and run away from everyone. I don't feel like I am a part of USC anymore because of what he did. I don't know what to believe
Was I really clingy and did my desire to be sexual with him drive him away? Did it make me seem desperate for affection? I have just been in this tornado of self hate. I feel like an idiot for even texting him multiple times and telling him how much he hurt me. It will only give him ammo to accuse me of being crazy or clingy. I am just so hurt.....
Anyway nothing unusual but this boy really hurt me recently. I graduated from an MA program at USC film school. Now finally found a job after six months of searching at an entertainment company. Met this boy, working on his film set for free, two weekends in a row, until 6am both weekends. Worked my ass off helping him. I thought he was cute right away. And he was flirtatious with me right away. After I worked on his set we started texting. We texted for about a few weeks....and then my friend asked both of us to help her on her film, so we ended up working together again. When we started working together again, we made plans to hang out, strictly as friends. I was going to come to his place (he doesn't have a car and lives near campus) and we were going to watch each others movies.
Of course, his first idea is to drink, and he pulls alcohol out of his fridge. One thing lead to another and we slept together. It was NOT planned...AT ALL.
There was a point where we were talking and he just kissed me...and it made me smile and I liked it. But immediately after he kissed me he literally took his pants off and got naked. And I was drunk and confused and was asking him...wait...what are we doing? Whats happening here? I'm shy...I wasn't planning this. And he goes, "I want to fuck"
I was drunk, I felt awkward...I knew I had to work with him and a group of my friends for the next two weeks on long film shoots.....so I caved in. I didn't want to embarrass him..I didn't want things to be awkward when we worked together.
So we slept together. Once that time, and again the next morning. And for the next few weeks I kind of had to convince myself that I liked him and that the sex was something I wanted, even though I wasn't ready for it.
We started texting every day. He literally was asking me what I was doing and if I wanted to see him...almost every single day.
We worked on set one weekend and he couldn't stop hugging me and kissing my cheek and he was so affectionate. He would say that he liked me and that he missed me, and that we had a connection.
Out of nowhere, when I confided to one of my friends that we had hooked up, my friend went- STAY AWAY from him, he is bad news. He hooked up with Dream. Dream is this girl friend Thailand, and she is married. My friend was texting me as he was hanging out with them in a group and he was telling me how the guy I was "seeing" was cuddling with her all night and that they slept together and that he is a bad guy and that I should never see him again.
I ignored my friend...until I found out that this guy was going to bring HER on set to help him out. At that point I got really upset and hurt...I started being paranoid. Are they hooking up? Are they dating? Why is he bringing her on set, knowing that I will be there? Is he purposefully trying to hurt me? Am I just this girl that he slept with that he doesn't even care about?
So I decided to confront him. I told him that I found out they slept together and that its hurtful that he would bring her on set, knowing that I was going to be working there as well. Immediately he told me that these "RUMORS" weren't true, and that he never had any romantic or sexual relationships with her and that she is just a friend, and he would never hurt me. And that he liked me and it wouldnt change anything or how he felt about me. He also told me how "hurt" he was that I accused him of such a thing and that he thought I understood him and that I was wrong when I decided to believe others when none of that information was true.
He ended up telling her everything I said, so she never showed up
When we ended up working together a few days later, everything was cold. He barely looked at me, didn't hug me or anything like he used to. When we finally finished at 5AM I was ready to go home, and all of a sudden he asked me for a ride home.
I gave him a ride home and he invited me up.
I assumed at that point that he wanted to sleep with me and I told myself that I should sleep with him...itll make me feel closer to him. We will reconnect and forget these stupid rumors and we will "make up"
He was exhausted and so was I..and I had to go to work in literally three hours. So I tried to have sex with him multiple times.
I know he was exhausted and there were times when he kind of pulled me up and said he just wanted to watch TV with me, but I just wanted to make him feel good and feel close to him again. I tried to be playful and tell him that I just wanted to make him feel good..and there was a moment when he was like ohhh Im so tired but it does feel really good. Eventually he gave in and got on top of me, but the sex was cold and distant.
We were supposed to hang out the next night..but when I said my goodbyes and said "See you later?" he completely shut me down and said he is busy, when I knew he wasn't.
I texted him during the day to make sure he was ok. I could tell things were awkward sexually so I asked if I had done anything to make him feel uncomfortable and I apologized if I had
He didn't speak to me all day....until he called me at night. And then accused me of basically molesting him. He told me that I sexually "took advantage" of him and then proceeded to call me extremely clingy. Proceeded to tell me that he didn't want a girlfriend etc. etc...said he wasn't a "sexual" person. So since then I have been feeling like I raped him...and I literally don't know what to do with myself.....
He was the one who initiated a sexual relationship in the first place.... We had slept together for maybe four or five times. So me being horny one night and wanting to reconnect with him somehow screwed everything up? And made me some kind of molester?
He was the one asking me almost every day to see me. Literally texting me every day. Asking me to come over every day. He started ALL of it. And in the end pointed fingers at me and made me feel crazy
THEN, heres the twist. Out of nowhere the other woman, Dream, calls me. That very same night. She heard I was having trouble with him from my friend. And she made a FULL confession of everything. Told me everything was true. She cheated on her husband and slept with him, multiple times. How he was in love with her over the summer. How he still tries to invite her upstairs and sleep with her.
I ended up texting him how hurt I was. That he lied to me. That I feel he manipulated me....that I trusted him and he broke me.
I never heard from him again.
We have a lot of the same friends. I worry that we will run into each other and I am mortified at the idea. I just want to shut off and drink and run away from everyone. I don't feel like I am a part of USC anymore because of what he did. I don't know what to believe
Was I really clingy and did my desire to be sexual with him drive him away? Did it make me seem desperate for affection? I have just been in this tornado of self hate. I feel like an idiot for even texting him multiple times and telling him how much he hurt me. It will only give him ammo to accuse me of being crazy or clingy. I am just so hurt.....
My sense is that he is an abusive guy who only likes to have sex when he is in control. He didn't like that you initiated because it meant that you were exercising your strength and your own will. People who are controlling and want power over others don't like it when their "source" shows that they have a mind of their own. The abuser needs to snuff out that strength on your part because it goes against his desire to control you.
He lied to you about the other woman, which is another sign that he cannot be trusted. Plus, what you have heard from others is that he has a reputation for harming women.
"He literally was asking me what I was doing and if I wanted to see him...almost every single day.
We worked on set one weekend and he couldn't stop hugging me and kissing my cheek and he was so affectionate. He would say that he liked me and that he missed me, and that we had a connection. "
What abusers often to is to accuse their victim of exactly the things they are most ashamed of or hate in themselves. I don't know what that's called but it has a name...maybe "projection?" He was the one who was clingy and desperate for affection, not you. He may accuse you of these things as a way to make you doubt yourself and in an attempt to rewrite history. Those are ways that abusers use to control us, by making it seem like we're the crazy ones. But don't believe it.
Don't let one jackass convince you that you don't belong at UCS. You absolutely belong there. You friends are mutual friends, which means they are your friends. You don't have to hang out with him and if you do run in to him, well...don't talk to him. I know that it feels like it's going to be hard if you see him, but if I were you I would try to come to terms with this so that it doesn't ruin your career or your social life. Can you tell yourself, "If I see him, I see him, it won't be lethal, I will just ignore him." That way you have a plan. The plan is to ignore.
Then, I recommend strongly that you do not contact him again and block him on your phone and email. Don't send him any more texts and don't answer any he sends you. Move on with your life and realize that you have learned something valuable you didn't know before. Armed with this new information, you can now make different choices if ever faced with a similar situation.
Like when some dude tries to make things go too fast, you can see that one for what it is next time, and say something like, "Excuse me, what the hell are you doing? I need to know you better before I want to have sex with you." If he is a person worth having a relationship with, he will understand. If not, well, toss him in the scrap heap and move on to someone who will treat you with the respect, love, and compassion that you deserve.
If anything, YOU are the victim of a mind rape, at the very least.
Why do you even care about him and why are you hurt by him if you didn't even care for him to begin with.
Sorry, but I just find your post emotionally confusing.