Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've been married for 7 years, and with my husband for 7 1/2 altogether.
We have 2 kids..
Since being with him, he's always been jealous, possessive and pretty controlling.
If I had the awareness I have now, I would've have never married him.
I'm bipolar, as well as a recovering addict/alcoholic..in truth, my relationships have always been like this.
It's always as if I'm waiting the abusive behavior out, like...well once he sees I am not going to hurt him, he'll change.
That never happens.
With that said, after about 4 years of being called a whore and what not, when I was not even DOING anything to provoke such a thing...I did go and cheat on him, with my sick thinking at the time.. i figured, well...if I'm ALWAYS cheating on him and being a "whore" I might as well go out and actually DO IT. Stupid, messed up crap. I do admit.
I changed a lot in the past 3 years though, especially since being in recovery.
I'm trying to learn to accept him for who he is and realize that he is a sick person that I cannot help.
Now, this seems to me to be a dumb question, but... is it normal to develop feelings for another person when you've been in the same predicament for what seems to be an eternity??
I actually welcome the chance of feeling like I matter. I welcome being treated like a human being.
I've been into this guy for the past few months, and no matter how much I try to erase him from my head - it comes back stronger than before!
I can't stand it!
It's frustrating because I don't know what to do, which way to go - and once I think I DO know, I flake out. I get scared.
The thought of leaving actually terrifies me, even though I know it would probably be the best thing for me, for the kids.
I don't know this other guy as well as I'd like to right now, that scares me too.
Everything feels really out of place right now.
Has anyone had this issue? Should I just get out of my head and get the hell out of this marriage?
We've tried counselling twice. It's always the same result. He doesn't want to look at himself and I am always the bad guy. So sick of it.
Thanks for listening
We have 2 kids..
Since being with him, he's always been jealous, possessive and pretty controlling.
If I had the awareness I have now, I would've have never married him.
I'm bipolar, as well as a recovering addict/alcoholic..in truth, my relationships have always been like this.
It's always as if I'm waiting the abusive behavior out, like...well once he sees I am not going to hurt him, he'll change.
That never happens.
With that said, after about 4 years of being called a whore and what not, when I was not even DOING anything to provoke such a thing...I did go and cheat on him, with my sick thinking at the time.. i figured, well...if I'm ALWAYS cheating on him and being a "whore" I might as well go out and actually DO IT. Stupid, messed up crap. I do admit.
I changed a lot in the past 3 years though, especially since being in recovery.
I'm trying to learn to accept him for who he is and realize that he is a sick person that I cannot help.
Now, this seems to me to be a dumb question, but... is it normal to develop feelings for another person when you've been in the same predicament for what seems to be an eternity??
I actually welcome the chance of feeling like I matter. I welcome being treated like a human being.
I've been into this guy for the past few months, and no matter how much I try to erase him from my head - it comes back stronger than before!
I can't stand it!
It's frustrating because I don't know what to do, which way to go - and once I think I DO know, I flake out. I get scared.
The thought of leaving actually terrifies me, even though I know it would probably be the best thing for me, for the kids.
I don't know this other guy as well as I'd like to right now, that scares me too.
Everything feels really out of place right now.
Has anyone had this issue? Should I just get out of my head and get the hell out of this marriage?
We've tried counselling twice. It's always the same result. He doesn't want to look at himself and I am always the bad guy. So sick of it.
Thanks for listening
Live with and love YOU for a bit. You and your kids deserve it.
Feelings are difficult to turn off, and the more you fight it, the more fixated you will probably become (again, been there!). I agree with the previous post...try to find and love yourself, before moving onto anything else.
Livn and rosehip
are both correct.
Get out of this
abusive marriage
and do some
recovery work
with a qualified
therapist
BEFORE
you enter into
your next
intimate relationship.
Of course, leaving is scary.
It's NOT easy, especially
with children.
But you yourself, KNOW
that leaving is the best
thing for you and your
children.
Here:
888-774-2900
is the number for
women's services
in your state. I hope
you'll give them a
call, if you haven't
already.
Yes. Get out of your head
and get the heck OUT of
the marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be sure to take
good care of yourself.
I was really unsure of leaving until I learned that it's best for the kids. I'm in the process now and already life is SO much better so I highly recommend doing it!
I recommend not getting into a relationship now though until you're out and away for a while. Focus on you and the kids and that is the best guide.
The ONLY way you will ever feel like you matter is when YOU KNOW YOU MATTER INSIDE.
A very wise therapist once told me in order to have a happy healthy relationship with another person, we must first have a happy healthy relationship w/ourselves. And I wholeheartedly agree w/that statement.
Please find a therapist who is specifically trained in recovery from abuse & trauma AND who has additional experience in addiction recovery. These three areas are deeply intertwined and it will take a therapist who has had ADDITIONAL training in these areas.
Get to know yourself. Start your inner healing process and fall in love with you! Treat yourself like a human being above all others. Matter to yourself and you will matter to others. As you heal, you will begin to attract people who treat you better.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. And above, all give yourself as much time as you need to heal.
friend' that is not easy as all of us know. but you have to be. love yourself. we all know that abuse. we have had feelings for someone with someone. none of which is real. one crutch for another no matter how great he seems to be, which u said u do not know for sure, hard to tell, might be abuse in disguise all over again, we are here to help. one or other has been in every situation we all share. some different ages to look back and see what and they why and the ahead mess. so fine you dear one. do not settle for less that u deserve at any time. believe in yourself. always easy to leave ''with help'' but if they leave with you, just part of next problem. do it for you and you will be strong in long run. been there and done all of that
I was also thinking the same about taking some time for myself.
This seems to be a pattern.I always think with this one, I got it.
But it's always the same.
I really need my own space and to search within myself to come into a loving relationship with myself.
Someone else mentioned about the trading one addiction for another and that's SO like me!
Again, thank you all!