Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
From "Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out" by Patricia Evans.
"If a child is raised with respect, responsibility, and loving nurturing from both parents, the child is not so disempowered that he must diminish and control someone in order to have a sense of power. A child needs to learn to identify his feelings or he grows up not knowing what he is feeling. One of the worst things that could possibly happen to a child would be to have his feelings be, not just ignored and undefined, but also denied as if they were not real, and suppressed so they could not be felt. If a child grows up ignorant of himself and his nature, he is still a child walking around as an adult. This child is likely to be angry, manipulative and controlling. This child within runs the adult."
"If a child is raised with respect, responsibility, and loving nurturing from both parents, the child is not so disempowered that he must diminish and control someone in order to have a sense of power. A child needs to learn to identify his feelings or he grows up not knowing what he is feeling. One of the worst things that could possibly happen to a child would be to have his feelings be, not just ignored and undefined, but also denied as if they were not real, and suppressed so they could not be felt. If a child grows up ignorant of himself and his nature, he is still a child walking around as an adult. This child is likely to be angry, manipulative and controlling. This child within runs the adult."
deleted_user
That seems to describe the way my husband is and how he got that way to a T. It's very very sad. I do think though it's still not an excuse for inflicting harm on others!!
queenvalerie
Yes that makes sense. Although I would probably go a bit farther in describing the child as "spoiled rotten with a sense of entitlement".
deleted_user
I had a little bit different problem. Denial of feelings was not something I had as a child, but as an adult. I had a healthy and active set (sometimes overactive) of emotions and feelings when I met my ex. I am the type when somebody tells me I can't do something my response is, "yea, I'll show you I can." Part of my ex's sexist side was he felt that women were "too emotional" to be anything but lapdogs. They couldn't run businesses, they couldn't mange people, all because they were too "emotional." Then when I would express emotions, he would deny them. He told me what I liked and didn't like. He told me when I could be sad and when I had to be happy. At one point during our marraige I was treated for clinical depression and he told me that the doctor was crazy because I didn't have anything to be depressed about!!! (GGo figure). In all of the years of trying to prove to him that I wasn't "too emotional" to be a smart businesswoman (at one point I was executive management at a fortune 1000 company) and all the years of being denied my true feelings, I discovered that I have been emotionally shut down. For the past several years I have been unable to really "feel" anything. It wasnt' until about 6 months ago that my therapist was able to break through that. Imagine not being able to cry at your chidren's graduations from high school and college or your son's wedding. Denial of feelings at any age can be devistating.
deleted_user
i felt the same way as revpatty. my husband would tell me that i was just dramatic because I was in drama class in highschool. i always felt it unfaiir to be shutdown for somthing i did in highschool. having my fellings denied for so many years has made it hard to face my feelings now.
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