Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am new to this forum and this is the first time that I'm open about this. I have been in denial for awhile now and still am. I have been married for almost two years and we got married very young and fast. 3 months into the married I found out I was pregnant. Shortly after that's when things began to go downhill. It started with the flirting with women and drinking. Then his anger began to come out. The first time he just pushed me on the ground when he was drunk and I wouldn't let him drive. Then it escalated to him damaging my car and strangling me while I was pregnant. There was name calling, yelling, demanding, and accusing. After I had my son I thought it was getting better but it got worse. The drinking made him more angry. There we're a few more incidents and more name calling and disrespect, cheating, moved away for awhile for work. Then recently, on my birthday he almost killed me. My face was bruised and swollen, he tried to throw me down the stairs and I literally begged for him to stop promising that no one would find out. That week my work got involved because they saw my black eye, they didn't believe that I wasn't getting abused but I denied it to the soul. I get panic attacks when I freak out now bc I get so afraid when he gets mad about something. I am depressed and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to leave and I have more patience for him than I should. I am in denial because I think that he will change but I know that he won't. I feel afraid of leaving and hurt bc I know that this is not a healthy environment for me or my son. I need help and support, no one else knows what is going on and I don't know how to cope.
I often wonder and have never asked my ex if he is so unhappy then why is he staying around? He always said he loved me and once he realized and truly accepted that he was abusive did he realize he did it all out of hurt and took it all out on me, even when things had nothing to do with me.
You honestly need to bring it up at therapy. Legal issues would be if you get divorced - that's it, right? Honestly the cops should have been called a long time ago - actually the minute he first hit you. And people will feel sorry for you but will want to support you. What if this was happening to a friend...what would you do? What would you suggest? How would you help?
You are protecting him. I totally get it. Stop it. I had to. It's hard, I totally get it. But he is a grown man and you are not his mom. You are your son's mom. Protect your son from seeing that crap and thinking it's okay. You will be sooooo pissed if your son starts treating you like your husband is treating you. It's not okay and you know it. You're just worried about your husband way more than you're worried about yourself because you feel like maybe it's selfish...? NO. It's not. I had to get over that crap too and that's when things started getting better. You're a kick ass mom in the military (thank you for your services) and dammit you know you deserve respect. Take it back. Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. Talk about it to your husband if you can and tell him you're not okay with it and if he doesn't learn to make the right choice to not hit you, then you're done protecting him because clearly he doesn't give a hoot about protecting you. (That line worked well for me just this weekend.)
And stop being hard on yourself - "i know i am stubborn"...no, you're human. You're not putting up with it either, because you're here. It's a start. :)
and your son will
grow up without a
mother and possibly
a father who's in
prison for murder.
An abuser who strangles
can and just might kill.
If none of that happens,
your son will grow up
watching the most
important role model
teaching him how to
treat a partner, and
very possibly, how
to treat YOU as well.
Leaving can be hazardous.
Staying IS HAZARDOUS.
The people at the
women's resource center
will help you craft a
SAFETY PLAN.
GO THERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your life with this abuser
will be short and full of
suffering. Your child will
be effected for the entire
rest of his life.
Please make contact
with the people who
can help save your
life and the life of
your child.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
safety and freedom.
hugs
Manda xx