Bottled, I am also starting to come to the realization that HIS problems are NOT my problems as well. He used to always tell me about how because his mom abandoned him when he was a child and his father was never present, and how his grandmother raised him (along with literally 9 of his aunts/uncles). So, he never got the attention or the affection he needed. He expected me to fulfill this missing part of him and no matter how much attention/affection I gave him, it wasnt enough. Then, when our daughter was born, during a fight he accused me *again* of not giving him enough affection and told me it didnt matter because he would get all the affection he wanted from our daughter. Even at her birth she was burdened with the responsibility to fulfill HIS needs. What he really needs to do is go see a psychologist and come to terms with his childhood pain NOT project it on everyone else and expect them to fix him.

Its taken me a LONG time to realize this because, as women, we tend to be nurturing and we WANT to be loving and affectionate, but there is only so much you can give.

Amen sista!

I'd like to say, "Dear Ex.....I have realized that I am actually stronger than you would ever be. I managed to get myself safe, my children safe, and realize you are actually the worthless POS, not me."

Yep....felt good!

Dear Ex ------

Your thoughts,
opinions,
preferences,
needs,
desires,
words,
actions,
relatives,
abuses,
perspectives,
requirements,
manipulations,
assinninities,

no longer carry
any weight in my
world whatsoever.

It's unfortunate
that they ever did

but those days
are a fading memory.

Today is a
glorius day.

ok maybe i'll get heat for this but, what did he do? Just give me a brief synopses I don't really know about your abuser so could you elaborate or do you have a journal that is specific to what your talking about?

jerk face?
GREATEST. INSULT. EVER.

hey jerk face! remember when i said you were the best i ever had? I WAS LYING!!

you're right that DOES feel great, thank you!

OOH...I cannot wait to add to this:0 Great idea for a thread by the way! (Hopefully in about a week I'll have something relevant to add to it:0

forgot to add mine.

Dear Ex:

Why do you have to be so needy and are not able to stand on your own two feet? Why does everyone have to cater to you? Why do you feel the need to use everyone you come in contact with? Why do you feel the need to discard people as if they have served their purpose so now you move on to the next victim? Why do you hit me when I stand up to you and not submit myself to you? Why would you want me to submit myself to you? Wouldn't that change who I am ? Didn't you love me the way I was, and all of a sudden midstream decide that I wasn't quite what you wanted?

Well fuck you I'm good enough as a matter of fact, I'm too good for you.

MendingToday, are you asking me what happened in my relationship? There's no heat for that; I know lately I've been pretty vague about it, probably because I talked myself to death about it early on! I'm pretty terrible at being brief about it, but I do have a post I made on a social media platform a couple months ago that may give you an idea:

"I'm performing a social media taboo. If you don't want to hear about my baggage, you probably don't want to continue reading this post.

Tomorrow was supposed to be my big day. This time last year, if you told me that I was making a big mistake, I'd think you were crazy. I was going to marry the man that brought me my highest highs, and sure we argued, but I never suspected he'd very soon make it a point to guide me toward my lowest low.

I don't know why I stayed as long as I did. I guess I thought I could finally get this whole relationship thing right, and he was often sure to remind me that I had previously gotten it wrong. I should have left the first, second, tenth, or even the seventeenth time his actions didn't match his words. But he was the smartest man I have ever met; he knew exactly what I wanted to hear, and when it was absolutely necessary that I hear it.

As long as I didn't ask any questions when rent was due, there wouldn't be a fight that month. After all, he was right, my period would be coming soon. That had to be the reason why I felt so crazy, right? That had to be why I was upset.

But I was going to get it right this time. I kept telling myself, "next month I'll try harder not to ask him if he's paying his bills 'the wrong way' or 'at the wrong time,'" but I never got it right. And after a year of being engaged, I was labeled as ungrateful for questioning why I still didn't have a ring. The fact he was still there should have proven enough, right?

Let's be clear on one thing: I allowed this to happen. I was naive. I'm still working on forgiving myself for ignoring what was so obvious.

I came home to holes punched through my door, and when he told me it was my fault, for some reason, I believed him.

He cut his face in front of me, and I stood beside him pleading for forgiveness as he called the police and informed them what I had done. He convinced me I was the reason he did it, he reminded me it never would have happened if I didn't get upset he couldn't find work that month, so I may as well have been the one that cut him.

Why didn't I tell anyone? Why did I stay? Because I thought I loved him so much, and I didn't want anyone telling me I was sick, that we were sick. Because I thought if I showed more empathy, if I possessed more "mental toughness" (a favorite criticism of my ex's), things wouldn't get so out of hand.

I realize I just rendered myself undateable by posting this. I've publicly displayed my lack of impulse-control. I'm probably making someone that reads this uncomfortable. There's a reason I don't go outside anymore. It's obvious I have co-dependency issues based on my last relationship. I'm terrified of hurting another human being with my own condition, so I choose not to maintain my relationships.

I thought I would be over this by now, but the closer I get to tomorrow, the more I remember why I couldn't get it right this time. The truth is, I'm always going to love the man I convinced myself I was with, and if he ever existed, I'd still foolishly do anything for him. But that person wasn't real. And the person that was never loved me for who I am, but only for what I could do for him. Until eventually I couldn't do anything right.

Sometimes it felt so good to be needed so much. Sometimes, that felt as close to love as I was ever going to get. Sometimes it felt nice being with someone that got more crazy than I ever had, because sometimes I still feel guilty for the crazy things I used to do. Sometimes I wanted to forgive him so I could more easily forgive myself.

Saturday, August 16, 2014. What a sucky day that's going to be."

When I say above that I'm "undateable," I don't mean I think I'm unworthy of being happy in a relationship. I mean that I know the amount of baggage I currently have is the opposite of a good foundation, and not exactly a turn on. I fully acknowledge that my thoughts and feelings are temporary, and that when I'm eventually ready, I'll be better equipped to recognize and welcome a stable relationship with a caring partner.

There is more crazy behind what happened to the relationship, but that's all for another day when I have more time.

wow that sounds like really unbelievable stuff. I don't know what i would have done in that situation. What could you do, that's short of sociopathic behavior. It probably would have been a matter of time that he did that to you.

I'm sorry for your pain, but i am glad you got out. I couldn't imagine this world without you. I'm sure your family feels the same way.

Thanks for sharing, I am a curious person by nature, I know that seems maybe a bit, protruding on my part, but it's really just to understand you and your story that's all.

Really, MendingToday, it's alright to ask. I don't feel like you're intruding in any way. I'm here for the same reason we all are, and we all have our stories. Mine screwed with my head for a very long time, but I'm doing lots better, so it doesn't bother me to share now that I'm able to make some sense of it.

Dear Ex,

"What was your name, again...?" :)

I remember it - but the reaction would probably be worth photographing! LOL.

lol @rockinbunny

Dear Ex,

When you get a virus on your home computer from downloading some porn file, who fixes it for you now? Who do you call a b****, or tell to go f*** themselves, after work when you're dying for a drink? Whose clothes do you pee on when you're drunk, and who do you blame the next morning? Or do you even know when you've done it, now that you're alone? Who do you call and harass at work and on the cell phone, multiple times per day, and then yell at when she misses one out of five calls? Who do you force to sit in the passenger seat of the car and tell you when it is clear to make a lane change, whenever you see she is getting interested in her book during a long trip? Who do you call and interrupt at work when you need some random phone number you could look up yourself, or need some trivia question answered? Since these were some of your favorite things to do, I'm just curious how you're able to do them without me.

Dear ex,

I hope they shrivel up and fall off.

Dear Ex,

Don't change. As much as I don't want to see another person hurt by you, I do hope that everyone you do encounter in the future walks away before the damage is done. Please never stop being the perfect victim, and always grow disappointed by everything you think you love. I wish you physical health and the longest life, so you can forever experience your own false reality. Always be right, never accept defeat, and whatever you do, don't learn a darn thing.