Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Sorry to post so much. This site has been such a huge comfort and strength for me.
As predicted last night was horrible. He kicked me out the night before for "questioning his manhood". I cried all night reliving our last encounter. I know this is for the best but I find myself wavering, "Was he that bad?" "Maybe I was over reacting". Because sometimes, he was beyond charming but I know the abuse would only get worse.
He said I was the only girl he ever fought like this with. That no other woman has ever made him so mad. That, "it never fails, I make him angry every time we're together" I was a "spoiled brat." That can't be true?
Even when we weren't fighting, I knew something was wrong. He would deny affection constantly. Brush by me in the hallway, lay with his back to me in bed, if I put my feet on him on the couch, he would say my feet were freezing or "get your dirty feet off of me"
He would say things like, "Sorry doll, I'm not a real man, get the fuck out sweetheart" I don't know how a person can use nice terms in such a degrading way, but he did. It was so patronizing. It makes me think he must be a master of manipulation.
But still, I go back and forth and think, "he wasn't bad all the time. I must have done something horribly wrong." The worst is when I feel like I've hurt him and made him hate me.
I must continue to remind myself of the hurt and the misery I've been in. I must remind myself that I've cried in my car and screamed at the top of my lungs for God to help me. I must remind myself that my prayers have been answered.
As predicted last night was horrible. He kicked me out the night before for "questioning his manhood". I cried all night reliving our last encounter. I know this is for the best but I find myself wavering, "Was he that bad?" "Maybe I was over reacting". Because sometimes, he was beyond charming but I know the abuse would only get worse.
He said I was the only girl he ever fought like this with. That no other woman has ever made him so mad. That, "it never fails, I make him angry every time we're together" I was a "spoiled brat." That can't be true?
Even when we weren't fighting, I knew something was wrong. He would deny affection constantly. Brush by me in the hallway, lay with his back to me in bed, if I put my feet on him on the couch, he would say my feet were freezing or "get your dirty feet off of me"
He would say things like, "Sorry doll, I'm not a real man, get the fuck out sweetheart" I don't know how a person can use nice terms in such a degrading way, but he did. It was so patronizing. It makes me think he must be a master of manipulation.
But still, I go back and forth and think, "he wasn't bad all the time. I must have done something horribly wrong." The worst is when I feel like I've hurt him and made him hate me.
I must continue to remind myself of the hurt and the misery I've been in. I must remind myself that I've cried in my car and screamed at the top of my lungs for God to help me. I must remind myself that my prayers have been answered.
Abusers all have histories of previous violence or abuse, but they all tell the same story. You're the first person who has MADE them act this way. They might even tell you that it's because you're the first person they've ever really loved, and that's why they act this way; the fear of losing you. It's all BS, of course, because all an abuser fears is not having a victim to abuse.
You take care and be the strong person you really are.
It was for that very purpose that
I developed my "Clarifying Index
Card exercise." I'm bumping it
up, for you.
It is all him, being abused is never the victim's fault.
A big hug to you. It hurts, bad, but continue on this site and maybe get into group counseling.
It's NOT your fault.
Even if you were all the horrid things he said you were (and you're not) you STILL don't deserve abuse.