Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So I'm the type to keep my business to myself, even though I've been going through hell with my relationship with my sbtx husband. However, all these years he's gossiped about me, painting me in a bad light in front of friends, family, acquaintances--anyone who would listen. Especially when I'm trying to leave, like now. However, most people don't understand abusive tactics, and if I try to defend myself, most people throw their hands in the air and say they don't know who to believe or that we both need to grow up.
I've left 2 weeks ago and now he's calling friends, gossiping about stuff to push their buttons. Heck, when my cousin was helping me move, he was gossipping about everything and threatened to reveal "all my secrets". She has been through abuse so she ignored him. However, he's been contacting other friends and now they are on the "we don't know what to believe" bandwagon, which really hurts.
Those who have been maligned by their abuser--how do you do damage control (if you do any at all)? How do you not feel offended if your friends just don't know who to believe? When does the damage stop? I've blocked him from all social media, by the way.
I've left 2 weeks ago and now he's calling friends, gossiping about stuff to push their buttons. Heck, when my cousin was helping me move, he was gossipping about everything and threatened to reveal "all my secrets". She has been through abuse so she ignored him. However, he's been contacting other friends and now they are on the "we don't know what to believe" bandwagon, which really hurts.
Those who have been maligned by their abuser--how do you do damage control (if you do any at all)? How do you not feel offended if your friends just don't know who to believe? When does the damage stop? I've blocked him from all social media, by the way.
Don't wear yourself out trying to make people see the light when their head is stuck firmly in the sand. It feels shitty to think after all you've gone through that you now look like the "bad guy" but those people who are your true friends will circle around you and the others don't deserve to be in that circle anyway.
The best way I found to handle it was to just let people believe what they will and to hold my head up, knowing the truth. Yes, I lost a few "friends" that way, but I didn't lose any true friends. And the more he tried to badmouth me, the worse he looked.
Think of someone who is constantly gossiping and talking bad about others - who ends up looking bad in the long run? Shrug your shoulders, smile, tell them it doesn't matter what they believe or don't believe, because you know the truth and that's what matters. You don't need to defend yourself. I understand you feel like you do, but you don't.
If confronted with a friend who's been listening to him gossiping then I'd respond only with one thing
" I've just figured out that in life those that go on about it are doing so as if they r trying to convince you. Those that say it and move on font need to convince you because it's the truth! My advice is to analysis him from this angle!"
If you say the above to your friends who bring it up, if they had any common sense they will get it straight away. If they don't then they r just idiots who like a good gossip !