Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl
I put off this Howl till I felt Id gotten the whole story.
Im a fan of college sports. Living in Connecticut, we
love our college basketball. I applaud most college
athletes and the hard work they put in to play the game.
Beyond the game itself, I understand that athletics is
an aspect of universities that can actually bring in more
money than tuition. Till maybe 35 years ago, athletics
were only open to males. Happily, thats different now,
though the money-making sports are still basically male.
Football is the front-runner, in this regard. With this
kind of culture, the stage was set for the tragedy that
would unfold and was recently revealed, at Penn State
University.
In 2002, a then-graduate assistant, went to his mentor,
basketball legend Joe Paterno, and reported that hed
walked in on former Assistant Coach Jerry Sandusky,
molesting a ten year-old boy in the Penn State locker
room.
Sandusky had served as an assistant coach under Paterno
for many years. Hed been recognized with the honor of
Assistant Coach of the Year in 1986 and 1999. He retired
in 1999.
Off the field, Sandusky had launched a non-profit to provide
extra support for children in foster care. Someone, now grown,
whod known Sandusky growing up, (not a someone whod
been in foster care), described him as a male version of
Mother Theresa.
Just before retirement, Sandusky published an autobiography
titled: Touched: the Jerry Sandusky Story."
When the graduate assistant told Coach Paterno what he had
witnessed, Paterno took the report up the line at the university.
He did not report what hed learned about his former colleague,
to the police. Neither did the university. The only action the
university took was to instruct Sandusky, (whod been allowed
to keep an office at the school, after retirement), that he shouldnt
bring any more boys (from the non-profit), to the school. That
was it.
To this point, around eight or nine people have come forward as
having been victimized by Sandusky. Ive heard there are more
who havent made official reports. An expert on child sexual
abuse said that most pedophiles typically abuse around
a hundred victims.
If Paterno or the university had taken the report of molestation
to the police in 2002, how many lives could have been saved
from abuse?
When the story broke this past week, the college community
rallied around its iconic coach, and threatened the man whod
brought the molestation to light. Happily, that was followed
by events that supported the victims.
This whole story is still alleged. Legally, Sandusky is innocent
until tried and proven guilty.
Im so sorry for the boys, some grown, now, into young men ---
all from vulnerable situations, usually without their own parents,
boys who were living in foster care.
I still love my college athletics. Basketball season has just
begun, and I really love it ---- both the mens and womens
teams.
Hall of Fame Coach Joe Paterno, who held his position at
Penn State for nearly fifty years, was sent into retirement,
before the end of the football season. Some are so sad
that his otherwise stellar career has ended this way.
My opinion is that he should have gone to the police. Maybe
the graduate student should have gone to the police, but frankly,
Im not sure hed have been listened to. The university should
certainly have gone to the authorities. It didnt. Because of that,
Penn States Mother Theresa was able to destroy countless lives.
I hope all the victims will find a way find their way to healing
and recovery.
Wolf's Daily Howl
I put off this Howl till I felt Id gotten the whole story.
Im a fan of college sports. Living in Connecticut, we
love our college basketball. I applaud most college
athletes and the hard work they put in to play the game.
Beyond the game itself, I understand that athletics is
an aspect of universities that can actually bring in more
money than tuition. Till maybe 35 years ago, athletics
were only open to males. Happily, thats different now,
though the money-making sports are still basically male.
Football is the front-runner, in this regard. With this
kind of culture, the stage was set for the tragedy that
would unfold and was recently revealed, at Penn State
University.
In 2002, a then-graduate assistant, went to his mentor,
basketball legend Joe Paterno, and reported that hed
walked in on former Assistant Coach Jerry Sandusky,
molesting a ten year-old boy in the Penn State locker
room.
Sandusky had served as an assistant coach under Paterno
for many years. Hed been recognized with the honor of
Assistant Coach of the Year in 1986 and 1999. He retired
in 1999.
Off the field, Sandusky had launched a non-profit to provide
extra support for children in foster care. Someone, now grown,
whod known Sandusky growing up, (not a someone whod
been in foster care), described him as a male version of
Mother Theresa.
Just before retirement, Sandusky published an autobiography
titled: Touched: the Jerry Sandusky Story."
When the graduate assistant told Coach Paterno what he had
witnessed, Paterno took the report up the line at the university.
He did not report what hed learned about his former colleague,
to the police. Neither did the university. The only action the
university took was to instruct Sandusky, (whod been allowed
to keep an office at the school, after retirement), that he shouldnt
bring any more boys (from the non-profit), to the school. That
was it.
To this point, around eight or nine people have come forward as
having been victimized by Sandusky. Ive heard there are more
who havent made official reports. An expert on child sexual
abuse said that most pedophiles typically abuse around
a hundred victims.
If Paterno or the university had taken the report of molestation
to the police in 2002, how many lives could have been saved
from abuse?
When the story broke this past week, the college community
rallied around its iconic coach, and threatened the man whod
brought the molestation to light. Happily, that was followed
by events that supported the victims.
This whole story is still alleged. Legally, Sandusky is innocent
until tried and proven guilty.
Im so sorry for the boys, some grown, now, into young men ---
all from vulnerable situations, usually without their own parents,
boys who were living in foster care.
I still love my college athletics. Basketball season has just
begun, and I really love it ---- both the mens and womens
teams.
Hall of Fame Coach Joe Paterno, who held his position at
Penn State for nearly fifty years, was sent into retirement,
before the end of the football season. Some are so sad
that his otherwise stellar career has ended this way.
My opinion is that he should have gone to the police. Maybe
the graduate student should have gone to the police, but frankly,
Im not sure hed have been listened to. The university should
certainly have gone to the authorities. It didnt. Because of that,
Penn States Mother Theresa was able to destroy countless lives.
I hope all the victims will find a way find their way to healing
and recovery.
he was the great coach of hockey, our national team, Winnipeg boys, so many, he just came back and is free...roaming about..they haven't tried him again..the justice system here is so different than America.
Slaps on the wrist sometimes, other times, big trouble..
personally..with my experience with the law..I feel persecuted..maybe one of these days i will share that experience..i think it ts coming
so many of you already 'know' me..and would be shocked to find out the shit ive been through with the law.
As Americans, it seems as if they are tougher, and you are able to fight, can sue people..
here..that is not an option. there is 'no fault' law in place. we can not sue for distress, we do not get large monatary judegements, just doesnt happen..
sometimes I iwish I could have the American justice system on my side..i would get a hell of a lot more than just the repayment of invoices....
http://healthland.time.com/2011/11/11/bystander-psychology-why-some-witnesses-to-crime-do-nothing/
Bystanders doing nothing, like with that toddler who was run over in China is something that appalls me.
My profession touches on some of those that have been victimized in various ways, and believe me, you "ain't heard nuthin' yet."
I was so glad when NBC started those "To Catch a Predator" shows on TV...surgeons, rabbis, policemen...the list goes on and on...looking to "score" with a young child. It's sick and twisted, yet all too familiar.
I read a post somewhere recently from a man who was molested as a child by his local Catholic priest decrying sainthood for Pope John Paul II due to his refusal to take action in keeping the most innocent of his flock safe. According to the man, if JPII couldn't even commit to basic tenets of congregational safety, but can still be beatified, isn't that hypocritical? And he had a point.
Fast forward to scandals involving highly placed men, such as the Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn. No, his alleged abuses were not against a child, and maybe some of the maid's testimony was tainted. But it still didn't explain away the forensic evidence or testimony from others. Was it really a shock that this "man" bought himself a first-class plane ticket back to France?
I firmly believe that the content of a man's character can be easily defined by how they act around the most accessible, disadvantaged, underprivileged or helpless of creatures, especially when no one is watching.
Son: He (Paterno) didn't do anything!
Me: He KNEW that a young boy had been raped, and he did NOTHING to stop it, nothing to help the kid.
Son: He told his superiors.
Me: They should ALL be gone. The police should have been called.
Son: (Quiet)
Me: You know, our character, our worth, as a race, as the human race, is defined by how well we defend those who can't defend themselves. And NONE of those men tried to defend or protect the boys who were raped, abused. They protected their cronies, they were part of the good old boys club, and meanwhile these kids, the victims of this horrible thing, were alone, and no one cared. They just had to live with it for 10 years.
Son: (quietly, thoughtfully) Yeah, I hear that Mom.
Me: He's a great coach, Son. But he's not a great man.....
I am so glad to see that the focus has turned to the boys who were violated, and away from the men who let them down. Thank you for this Ilene. I was considering my own post, but you have done it eloquently.
One is that it's interesting all on its own.
Second, it also speaks to why both
innocent people and targets of abuse
support and defend abusers.
We Are Penn State: The End Of Team Identity
Monday, November 14, 2011
Written by: Karie Meltze
(published on Yahoo)
A crowd of Penn State students in school sweatshirts huddled together near an old university building to listen to a call for unity, healing and peace. They wiped away tears, rested their heads on friends' shoulders and reflected on a week that stained the place many of them see as a second home.
"We are what makes the university thrive," said T.J. Bard, student body president, the day after his peers rioted in the streets to defend the firing of coach Joe Paterno. "And we are the ones who must restore glory to Penn State."
Why them? What happened on their campus wasn't their fault. Most didn't even know Joe Paterno, Jerry Sandusky and Matt McQueary. Usually in society, when something as horrific as child molestation happens, people around the alleged perpetrators cut all ties. They reject. So why not protest Sandusky preying upon children instead of rioting against the board for firing a football coach? Why not feel satisfaction in the punishment of an old guard that collectively made serious leadership errors, rather than oppose the rightful dissolution of a system that protected evil?
"If they were completely objective, they would say, 'These people did something terrible and I can't support them, I cannot be in their corner.'" says Dr. Don Forsyth, a psychology professor specializing in group dynamics at the University of Richmond. "But they aren't objective."
What's happening to the students in Happy Valley is a common psychological phenomenon. The rest of the country watches the students and thinks they're missing the point. But in the students' minds, the story is happening to them. After all, "We are Penn State."
This is somewhat similar to the reaction to the rioting in Vancouver after the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup. Only a few hoodlums caused trouble, but the entire nation reeled in shame. Why?
Social psychologists use two terms: BIRGing and CORFing -- Basking in Reflected Glory and Cutting off Reflected Failure. In the first, fans of a football team, for example, want to identify with the players' success. Decked out in team gear, they'll say, "We had a great win. We were awesome," when in reality the fans had no part in the win.
Cutting off Reflected Failure happens when a team makes a mistake or loses, and fans blame it on an external factor to distance themselves from the defeat. "The refs were biased. The weather's bad." The true blame doesn't lie with the team.
"This is clearly a case of collective identity," says Dr. Forsyth of the Penn State reaction. "Students leave home, leave their family and they want to identify with their school. Their school has always been a place of tradition and honor, and that has been tarnished. So when they lose that identity, they panic."
In 1989, Social Psychology Quarterly published one of the definitive studies on basking in reflected glory. The study examined Canadian citizens' reactions to the news that Olympic hero Ben Johnson was stripped of his gold medal after testing positive for steroids. The researchers found that people overwhelmingly said Johnson, a sprinter, had unknowingly taken the steroids, and that his handlers were the responsible ones.
Defend your chosen hero and find someone else to blame.
Many students see JoePa as a victim, and their strong identity with him means they feel like victims, too. So they blame the media or the legal system. Is it a coincidence that the only real material damage from the riots was an overturned TV news truck? Respected ESPN reporter Tom Farrey said he was hit by a rock.
Most of us can't truly relate to the most important part of this story -- the part that really has nothing to do with football. The part with the kids whose lives have never and will never be the same after such abuse from adults they were supposed to be able to trust. The part with the parents who couldn't save their children from sexual predators. But when you're 18 or 19 years old in State College, football is what you see everywhere around you and abuse (and the victims' faces) are hidden.
"Football runs the social life, it's all about football," Forsyth says. "It's the major source of everything that happens there.
"The actual crimes are very distant from them."
The atmosphere changed by the end of the week. Student leaders came together to support victims of sexual abuse by wearing blue ribbons to Saturday's game and selling T-shirts to raise money for the Pennsylvania Chapter of the Prevent Child Abuse America Organization. PSU and Nebraska students joined in prayer before the game. But it's a short stride in a long process of healing. "We are Penn State" must be put to better use.
"To really heal, the students need a leader, a leader who will restore their social identity and stand for Penn State," Forsyth says. "Someone to remind them what their values are and help them get over this humiliation."
Putting all of your faith into an institution can be destructive. To allow your identity to be so mixed with the actions of others can become a morally offensive thing, Forsyth says, but it's an irresistible feeling that can also be used for good.
The shared identity and responsibility can be motivation for positive good in State College. As the class president said, the students are what make the university. Not one man, not five men, not flawed leadership. The students can restore Penn State to its rightful owners -- the educators.
http://www.age-of-the-sage.org/psychology/milgram_obedience_experiment.html
I have always had a problem with most colleges and universities that pander in "educracy." I appreciate those that are able to critically and independently think and have opinions based on careful consideration of facts as well as an understanding of human behaviors.
I don't agree with this from the Time article. I think that in the 50's and prior the problem of looking the other way was worse when it came to witnessing or having knowledge of child abuse because back then corporal punishment as well as other forms of abusive punishment were accepted as the norm and whatever went on behind closed doors was neever brought to light and discussed because it was believed that it wasn't anyone elses concern and there were no talk shows that discussed the subject. or anything relating to it.
I find the whole incident disturbing and all too common the covering up and preserving of an individual and group image. It makes me really angry that it is still happening. I have a feeling that none of the protesters were ever victims of child sexual abuse.