Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My ex-boyfriend was so very critical of how I looked. Every day, he wanted every hair to be in place, he wanted my clothes to be perfect looking.
He wanted my cooking and running of errands to be exact and perfect.
He wanted my conversations with him to be very interesting all the time, and he did not want me to complain or start arguments about anything.
The problem is, I really loved him, I really tried to be the perfect woman for him. After a year of trying, I broke up with him in July. He has taken the break-up so well, he started dating about 5 different women, and the last time I talked to him, he had already started to focus on one woman in particular to date steady. I asked about her, and he said well there's good things about her, and there's bad things about her, there's ups and there's downs, he said that she was a dance instructor, and that maybe his dream woman is a woman that is not in the service industry. I could be wrong, but it reminds me of how he was in the beginnning of the relationship with me, as a whole he acted like he liked me, but he picked out lots of flaws, like I needed to fix my hair better, clean my car, etc.
However, by the end of our relationship, he was a viper!!!! He said that
I needed to be more competetive with other women, and he had a mental daily checklist of perfection that I was expected to comply with.
How can I mend my broken heart? Do you think that he will treat his new girlfriend the same or worse?
He wanted my cooking and running of errands to be exact and perfect.
He wanted my conversations with him to be very interesting all the time, and he did not want me to complain or start arguments about anything.
The problem is, I really loved him, I really tried to be the perfect woman for him. After a year of trying, I broke up with him in July. He has taken the break-up so well, he started dating about 5 different women, and the last time I talked to him, he had already started to focus on one woman in particular to date steady. I asked about her, and he said well there's good things about her, and there's bad things about her, there's ups and there's downs, he said that she was a dance instructor, and that maybe his dream woman is a woman that is not in the service industry. I could be wrong, but it reminds me of how he was in the beginnning of the relationship with me, as a whole he acted like he liked me, but he picked out lots of flaws, like I needed to fix my hair better, clean my car, etc.
However, by the end of our relationship, he was a viper!!!! He said that
I needed to be more competetive with other women, and he had a mental daily checklist of perfection that I was expected to comply with.
How can I mend my broken heart? Do you think that he will treat his new girlfriend the same or worse?
You have to view it like this you have alot to offer, your a nice sensitive loving person, you just need to make sure that next time you don't pick a controlling person.
I love myself now, I always used to think that somebody who loved themself was selfish but not anymore.
If you love yourself but love others with equal intensity then your love for them is real but if you are a sensitive person and feel the need to fill your life with another person simply because you do not love yourself then they will take advantage of you.
My ex-boyfriend was like a cold-blooded viper. He degraded women by making a pornographic peice of artwork, he called art. It was really about a hundred women half dressed. He told me lots of terrible things about women and he said he did not believe that the bible was real. He had many crushes on women all across town, that he would go and visit and talk to, then he would tell me about it later. He had a very good way of using women. He has told me a lot about his ex-girlfriends, and in all of his past exploits, he has used women for their bodies, and then criticized them, and started fights with them, and moved on to his next victim. I personally feel very sorry for any woman that gets into the fangs of this cold-blooded viper.
The best way to men your broken heart is to start practicing industrial-strength self-care.
That means, for starters, employing thought-stopping techniques to enable you to shift your focusing away from him ---- away from any good times you had, away from speculation about how his next victim will fare, away from anything about him so you're more and more able to focus on YOU.
If you do this, and begin nourishing and nurturing yourself, you'll begin to fill yourself up inside to the point where you won't be scammed by a jerk like the one you described.
I'm so very, very glad you got yourself out of that pit.
Now, look to see what you can do, so you don't risk falling in love with someone similar.
By the way, there is no question of if, or how badly he will treat the unfortunate woman who he lures into attachment with him. And by the way ----- what would you consider being treated "worse?"
Obviously, you will never know the answers too your questions. Focusing on them, attaches you to the past. Far better to connect with a healthier future!
I know what you mean about the constant criticism. And it doesn't matter what you do-- they will never be satisfied. An example from my own marriage: my previous car was like a garbage barge. I freely admit this. It was really bad. I just didn't take care of it, and he constantly criticized, constantly pointed out how dirty it was, etc. Fine. Then last year, I bought a new car and decided I wanted to keep it nice-- and I have! It is always clean on the inside and is not full of junk.
He REFUSES to acknowledge this. Instead he says, "It's easy for you to keep it clean because you don't spend as much time in your car as I do in mine." After years of criticism, I finally turned it around, and that is his response.
That kind of criticism is pathological. It wears you down and makes you doubt your sanity. It's also a part of their personality. They aren't like that just with you-- they're like that with any girlfriend or wife. it's how they are wired. So, good for you, becoming free of him! I'm sure his new girlfriend is just starting to realize what she's gotten into. I feel sorry for her but hopefully she will figure it out and not stay with him too long.
I can't be sure if your ex is a psychopath. You did not provide enough information to determine that. You did say though that he uses women and it sounds to me like he lack any shred of empathy.
He doesn't treat you as human, so HE is not human.
Human beings are not perfect. Human beings have flaws. We all have flaws. Therefor he shouldn't insist on you being perfect.
It would have been an interesting experiment to say to him: "What you are saying to me is hurting me" and see how he reacts. He would probably not understand. This means he is incapable of understanding human feelings.
So, if I am right about him, he is NOT worth your time. He is sick. Get as far as you can from him and cut off all communication and information to and from him.
Practise the NO CONTACT routine and you will start getting better.
- Al
im with the previous poster, he sounds like a psychopath...i have been with a similar man, and it affects yr self esteem so badly. luckily enough the fact that yr even posting here is a good sign as you know its wrong, but yes, you are hurting....it took me yrs to get over the mind manipulation of my ex...and still to this day i attract similar guys to this ex, but i tell you i can spot them now, i can spot the dysfunction...seriously dear, its all about the journey! you are so intelligent, you deserve so much better, and youll get what u want when u least expect it...take the focus OFF men...youll be suprised what starts to happen...you are powerful just as yr own being.
xx ps