Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Crazy Making, Crazy Timing

bottledbreath
bottledbreath
Does anyone else experience this sort of thing?

Today marks two weeks since I heard from my ex. Our phone conversation was cut off, and after not hearing anything from him for a couple days, I stopped trying to reach him. Yesterday was the first morning I woke up without him being on my mind.

Initially, anyway, because I quickly realized something wasn't invading my thoughts, and then... ah, yes, there he is!

This morning, I forced myself awake after he appeared in a dream. As I rolled over to check my phone for the time, I audibly whispered, "I'm so done with him." Well, what do you know? A long text that was kind, not sweet, but not mean. I am currently feeling numb about it, and I'm okay with that.

Over the holidays, when we were still "dating" but living apart, I went a week without hearing from him. New Years Day I picked up my phone and had my finger hovering over the "block" button for only seconds when a text from him appeared.

When we got back together weeks before that, he was supposed to meet me at our old apartment, which was a couple hours away from where each of us moved after our first breakup. It was getting late and I was incredibly frustrated that it appeared he was ditching me. I began crying and yelling at the empty room, saying all the things I never dared say to him. Within ten minutes, he called that he was only a few blocks away. Mind you, he had all day to inform me when he was coming, and at the very least a couple hours to tell me he was on his way.

My ex knows when I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know how he knows, but he drags me to the very edge before he throws me a little something.
vernacular
vernacular
he doesn't know when you're at the end of your rope, he knows how to be an inconsistent mind f***. you are the one with the rope. you are the one who decides where the end is, if you hang from it or if you use it to lasso him and tie him to the train tracks like an old timey movie.

don't hover over the block button, press it. you are engaged in the dance so he is going to tango all over you until you decide to leave the party. stop the coming and going, stop the almosts the the i-was-just-going-to's and it will be a lot easier to get out of the web. he is pulling you back in because he's not done playing and he doesn't want to lose his victim. that's you. until it isn't.
SunBlossom
SunBlossom
Vernacular is right on point! You're being mind f*****! He knows because he's actually getting it all from you. We teach them how to treat us. He knows how long to string you along. When you're on edge, he pops up. When he pops up, he's welcomed, whether you voice your anger or not, you entertain it. An emotional abuser will push just to see how far they can go with you. They get off on it. Believe it or not, you're fueling his bad behavior. I used to do the same thing, you're doing. I actually used to hit the block button for a day. Every time, he would show up at my door. Every time he left, the block came off. After a while, it lead to him not even trying to manipulate me. He just became downright disrespectful. Take your power back!!!! Hugs
bottledbreath
bottledbreath
I agree with you guys entirely. I know this now, and I have not responded to his text this morning because it held no value to me. He's been blocked from everything but my cell phone since before we last spoke, so I figure he's testing if he was blocked there as well. I'll admit I kept him unblocked on my phone out of pure curiosity, and the most minuscule piece of hope that he'd offer to settle a debt outside of court. While I do need the money, and it's a case I know I'll win, I'm just going to have to accept it's not worth it at the moment because collecting is a hassle I don't need right now.

The other two examples from when we were "dating," those were during a time I still didn't fully understand what was happening because I'd never seen it before. And he was soooo good with his excuses.

Maybe I seek out coincidences in my life where there aren't any (and strangely enough, our relationship began based on an eerie string of coincidences). Maybe he knew my behavioral patterns well enough to know just how far he could push. I was giving examples of things I tolerated, while grasping at the very last thread of tolerance in my being, and questioning if there was a pattern there in more cases than my own.

So, block button it is. I already know what he is. I'm still getting used to it.
maryjan
maryjan
oh yes, the good old mind F**K!! I've had this with a couple good ones in my life and I totally agree with the others. You are the one who has to take your power back. The ones who played this game with me also added in the extra bit of making me feel sorry for them because they were mixed up/messed up/confused about their sexuality/etc. etc. And this made it ok?? Well it worked then; it dang sure wouldn't work now with anyone! I've been there/done that and I know that trap! Take the control back! Press block/ go no contact/ focus on yourself/ and after about a year if you are truly focused on recovery and self-care, you will wonder why you put up with it for so long! Warning: your tolerance for new head F**ks will decrease drastically as well! I press the eject button so fast these days! in spire of the fact that I do seem to still attract a lot of head f**ks, they do not last long in any kind of space around me! All the best!!!
bottledbreath
bottledbreath
Oh man, I've found myself very irritable recently toward anyone new that tries to be a bit too over enthusiastic about getting close to me. I don't act out toward them, but I avoid them. And whenever my family does/says anything that so much as resembles something my ex did that wasn't cool, that gets me inwardly cranky. I know my family has my best intentions in mind and has never hurt me, so it's nothing to worry about, but I'm obviously still straightening myself out. I'm getting hyper sensitive to anything that so much as resembles a red flag.
RockinBunny
RockinBunny
Yeah, I recognise this and agree with the other responses. Mindf*** central.

I would also get this bizarre one if I didn't make it to the phone in time when he called: I'd phone him back, only for it to ring and him to drop the call and phone ME back.

He was incapable of being at the end of a phone when I called, like I usually was for him, because he always had to call the shots!

"You don't make the phone calls here; I DO!"

Eventually, I just stopped phoning back. If it was important enough, he always tried again anyway. Grrr! xxx
RockinBunny
RockinBunny
Shoulda said... I get the reacting to stuff other people do as well, even if its not intentional on their part. I have been told that this fades with time and lack of exposure (to abusers). Has done so a bit for me, but would welcome further improvement! :D xxx
bottledbreath
bottledbreath
The phone thing was happening to me toward the end, too. He even started taking it to text. He'd get upset with me if I got into serious conversation by text, which is reasonable, but he would dance around serious subjects when he did decide to call so I had no way to get any matters resolved. Oooh he was mean.