Sorry your going through this on your special day. I know what its like to give up things for some one because their grumpy or upset. I've done it all my life.

I hope things look up for you and your birthday is fun! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :)

Feel free to vent I will listen!! :)

Sorry to hear hes done this on your special day, they hate us having fun, Mine ruined Christmas for me every year. Happy Birthday, i hope you get to have your spa day some other time, just don't tell him.

Its called SABOTAGING, its their greatest tool. DO NOT DO NOT let him change your plans. If you told him you dreaded going, it was just going to be hell and it sucked, he would encourage you to go. Because he thinks you would be miserable. Start telling him the opposite of things. Works like a charm.

Well, I did do my spa thing yesterday. But, we didn't go out, and I'm not going out of town this weekend. I was going to go by myself, but my relative in NC said to work things out and don't come by myself with the baby. Note: she doesn't really know what's going on. So, he spent the morning clowning me and getting on me about not planning this weekend right and that's why things fell apart. I feel so miserable and just don't know what to do about the rest of this weekend. I might even go in on Tuesday, because I don't need the extra day off just to be terrorized by him. :( Thank you guys for your birthday wishes though.

I'm sorry you're having to put up with his 5-year-old behavior.
They do this, they love to cause big drama on days that are important to us including holidays. It's happened to me several times with my ex-narc.
Just one example recently: Since we have split, he sent me an e-card that looked pretty extravagant with our photos attached. I ignored it, did not open it because he would get verification of it. The next day, my birthday, he sent me this snide "I'm so hurt" e-mail, said he guesses I never loved him, blah blah blah....the point is, he did this ON my birthday.
He couldn't leave it alone just for that ONE day. They just don't care - it is all about THEM.
Glad you at least got to the spa, you deserve some pampering, that's for sure. Is there any way you can still go somewhere for the weekend with the baby? Going just about anywhere else would be better than listening to his BS.
Take care!

I didn't really get to go anywhere. We went shopping in a neighboring city yesterday. But that was full of drama as usual. The rest of the time I've been stuck at home with the baby while he's out running errands. I just feel drained today. Thank you guuys for your birthday wishes.

Happy Birthday! He might not be stepping up to the plate to make your day a very special day, but we are. Try and find some way to make this day really special for yourself. Hugs and many happy returns of the day!

Happy birthday. Remember,...better days to come!

when are you leaving again?

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Sue Sue
Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!

and many more........

Tame is spot on...Its called 'SABOTAGING'

My ex did it all the time...if they can rain on your parade..hurt you when its your special time..or special day..or if they know it means something to you, or its somthing you value..they try hard to ruin it..

I used to be speechless at how much effort my ex put into ruining special occasions for me??..

He would pick a fight, abandon me, or pretend he had something better to do..Whenever we were just about to do something, that he knew I was looking forward to..or that he knew was important to me..

They are nasty manipulating head wreckers..Our pain is their satisfying gain..

Our disappointment..is their pleasure..Our hurt is their aim..

I love tames idea..SO TRUE!! tell him something will make you miserable..and he'll hop up and bend over backwards..To drive you there! Sickos..

Imagine WANTING to drain you..and WANTING to take your pleasures away..and imagine 'getting off' on others pain and loss and disappointment??..and on ruining their special days?..Well thats the facts..and thats what they love to do..

Happy Birthday to you!!!

And I hope you have ,any birthdays ahead..Where hes no longer around..To deliberately ruin them on you..Hugs!

Well, happy birthday, hope you had something cheerful today.

Abusers like to hold you hostage to celebrations and the like. Yes, I agree that it is sabbotage.

Mark this on your calendar so that you have plans for the next holiday as WELL as your birthday. All I know id that you can pass many years without it if you don't. And, we're all hoping that this is just collateral damage as you try to break free. And, you are on the path! RB

I would stick to my guns and tell him, you are going to NC this weekend. You need the time away and it is your birthday. If you are relying on him to drive and he won't, maybe you can book a flight and take the baby and go without him. Let him see you don't need him to go away.

Don't listen to him when he wants you to change your plans. Just do it.

Good luck.

My ex ruined every holiday, special occasion, and family outting we had together for 9 years. I was convinced that it was me ruining them. It was miserable. I finally left two months ago and was so surprised when I took my kids to the beach alone for the first time. We had so much fun. No fighting. Everyone was happy. Easter, was stress free and wonderful. I quickly learned, it wasn't my fault all these years.
Life is too short to allow someone to ruin anyday of your life, especially the important ones. I'm sorry your birthday didn't turn out like you wanted. You deserve to have your wishes come true. Take care.

@Sinnamin-I'm not sure when I'm leaving yet. I'm still in the beginning stages of counseling, so I don't have a plan yet.

@joely, I was going to go to NC by myself, but the family member I was visiting down there told me not to come there by myself with the baby. We talked for an hour and she was totally convinced that I should stay and "work things out" with my husband. She really doesn't know what's going on, plus she seems to be in an abusive relationship herself. Her husband doesn't really want her to contact me (straight from his mouth) and I pretty much don't get to see her unless I pop into town.

Thank you guys again for your birthday wishes. This birthday just left a bad taste in my mouth.