Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have a few questions about the behavior
of emotional abusers. I have been reading up
on them and have noticed how CRAZYMAKING they
can be!!! So, here they are:) Please
feel free to answer, no right or wrong answers.
1.) Love seems to be a little overrated in the
media. I think respect and good character
can equal happiness over time, but many
women, seem only to get the love high
with abusers. How do you think women can
be more careful about choosing a partner
that actually has respect and good character,
and is NOT an abuser?????????
2.) I have noticed from vonniedisley's
information posts that ex- abusers
i.e ex-husbands, exboyfriends, etc.
will act very strange when the woman
breaks up, or when broken up. What
does it mean if the ex-abuser calls
and says I don't think we should
be in relationship. Why call and
say that esp, if the break-up was
almost a YEAR ago and no contact????
of emotional abusers. I have been reading up
on them and have noticed how CRAZYMAKING they
can be!!! So, here they are:) Please
feel free to answer, no right or wrong answers.
1.) Love seems to be a little overrated in the
media. I think respect and good character
can equal happiness over time, but many
women, seem only to get the love high
with abusers. How do you think women can
be more careful about choosing a partner
that actually has respect and good character,
and is NOT an abuser?????????
2.) I have noticed from vonniedisley's
information posts that ex- abusers
i.e ex-husbands, exboyfriends, etc.
will act very strange when the woman
breaks up, or when broken up. What
does it mean if the ex-abuser calls
and says I don't think we should
be in relationship. Why call and
say that esp, if the break-up was
almost a YEAR ago and no contact????
[1] I think lots of people, in the early stages of checking out a possible new relationship, tend to ignore things that feel a little bit off. Later, when the stuff's hit the fan, they'll look back and say:
You know? I really actually SAW the clues, way back in the beginning.
But when you think you're falling in love, you don't want to label what you're seeing as a problem, certainly not a deal-breaker. But it IS.
[2] In my opinion, he's reconnecting because he needs and misses the control he had in that relationhship. He knows he can't call and say he WANTS the relationship again. But he can call repeatedly and connect, while he's saying he doesn't want (exactly what he wants). You KNOW they're LIARS.
I.W.
Then, when he's manipulated the relationship back into being, he can deny ownership. Whatever comes of it won't be HIS fault because he said, right off, he didn't want it.
(Yeah. Right.)
The reason they 'act very strange' after we get away....Is because they are trying to retain 'any' kind of control over you possible..In any way possible..Its all about keeping connected to you.. and all about control..
Abusers don't care what type of control they exercise..just so long as they inhabit your mind and feelings..negative is all good..Causing you hurt and pain..is even better..
Even after a whole year, and after NO contact!! He has to try and get back into your head somehow?? It just goes to show what a HUGE control freak he is..And yes..Very likely so as to rope you back in..So that he can then hurt you and reject you further?..They LOVE having the last hurtful say..So as to see more of their control in action..
Looking out for certain behaviours early on..Can really help us avoid an abuser...Like lleneW says..we often overlook very big signs..(red flags)..esrly on after meeting them..But we carry on into the relationship regardless..And sometimes we can only see these clearly..In retrospect..
Zero trust..Don't engage..and know that hes just trying to manipulate you further....
2.) Maybe as a way to keep control or just sheer psychoticness, nature of the beast.