Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I don't know why but for some reason I think my husband may be behind this. A little history, at the beginning of this year I started talking to someone online, very innocent, just talking, well the more we talked the more we started having feelings for one another, we gave eachother strength because we were both going through a difficult time, me with my unhappy marriage and him with other personal issues. I did tell my husband about it and didn't talk to that person any longer. My husband questioned me for a while after that and would check my phone when I was sleeping. I confronted him about it and he stopped and never brought it up again. Well lately my husband has been bringing up that he thinks that the reason I want out of our marriage is because of my online affair despite the fact that I had been telling him for years that I was not happy and that things needed to change, etc. etc. etc. And des[ite the fact that I told him that I gave up on our marriage and trying to make it work over a year ago. All that is out the window apparently to him.
About a week ago I received a friend request on my private facebook account from a "John Smith" (Literally this was the name of the person). I don't know anyone by this name and thought it was awfully weird. I went onto this persons page to see if maybe they friended me because they knew a friend of mine and nothing, the page was empty and the join date was that day. I ignored the request.
Yesterday I got another friend request from "John Smith" and again went onto this persons page to see if anything more was posted and again, nothing and join date was yesterday. I ignored the request again.
A couple of hours later I received a 3rd friend request from "John Smith" and thought, what the hell, who is this person.... I went to send a message to this person (Still not accepting the friend request) to ask who he was and he had already sent me a message. Below is a recap of our conversation. Am I crazy to think my husband may have something to do with this as if he is trying to set me up??? Sorry for the length of this. By the way, after my conversation with this person his account was deleted.................
John Smith: Hi I was at a party with you once.
Me: Who are you?
John Smith: Just someone who found you interesting
Me: Ok................ But who r u? I don't know you. When was this "party"?
John Smith: Last year
John Smith: I don't want to get you in trouble
Me: U have friended me twice and I don't friend people I don't know. Sry.
John Smith: Sorry if this is a bad time
Me: Where was this party?
Me: Huh?
John Smith: A friend house
Me: What is your name?
Me: What friend? This is awfully strange
John Smith: Its ok I just created an account to say hellp
Me: But just tell me who u r?
Me: Where are u from?
John Smith: Can't do that
Me: Why?
Me: Tell me something about the party.
John Smith: I think you can guess why
John Smith: Can't it would give it away
Me: Not really, sry. Can u fill me in a little?
Me: Give what away?
Me: I don't go to many partys and I can only think of one
John Smith: You had a lot to drink probably you don't recall but I was taken by you and I just wanted you to know that you are a very attractive person
Me: What do u mean u don't want to get me in trouble?
John Smith: You have a husband
Me: Ok, thank you very much but I would really like to know who u r?
John Smith: The party was in Miami
Me: Yes I do but I don't recall a party in Miami
John Smith: I might have the wrong person then
Me: Tell me your name and I will tell you if I know you. No big deal
John Smith: I'm sorry if it is the wrong person
John Smith: No way I fell like a fool now
Me: Its ok, just tell me who u r?
Me: Its ok really, I would like to know please
Me: What do I look like if u met me?
John Smith: Why do you think I might be someone you know?
Me: I don't know, Im a curious person
John Smith: Except (he spelled it wrong) me as a friend and I might tell you
Me: Im a private person, Im sry I can't do that
John Smith: ok
Me: R u going to tell me who u r?
Me: Well, u must not know me. Nice talking to you
John Smith: Sorry again
Me: No worries. Not sure why u r so secretive.
No reply and his account was deleted...........
About a week ago I received a friend request on my private facebook account from a "John Smith" (Literally this was the name of the person). I don't know anyone by this name and thought it was awfully weird. I went onto this persons page to see if maybe they friended me because they knew a friend of mine and nothing, the page was empty and the join date was that day. I ignored the request.
Yesterday I got another friend request from "John Smith" and again went onto this persons page to see if anything more was posted and again, nothing and join date was yesterday. I ignored the request again.
A couple of hours later I received a 3rd friend request from "John Smith" and thought, what the hell, who is this person.... I went to send a message to this person (Still not accepting the friend request) to ask who he was and he had already sent me a message. Below is a recap of our conversation. Am I crazy to think my husband may have something to do with this as if he is trying to set me up??? Sorry for the length of this. By the way, after my conversation with this person his account was deleted.................
John Smith: Hi I was at a party with you once.
Me: Who are you?
John Smith: Just someone who found you interesting
Me: Ok................ But who r u? I don't know you. When was this "party"?
John Smith: Last year
John Smith: I don't want to get you in trouble
Me: U have friended me twice and I don't friend people I don't know. Sry.
John Smith: Sorry if this is a bad time
Me: Where was this party?
Me: Huh?
John Smith: A friend house
Me: What is your name?
Me: What friend? This is awfully strange
John Smith: Its ok I just created an account to say hellp
Me: But just tell me who u r?
Me: Where are u from?
John Smith: Can't do that
Me: Why?
Me: Tell me something about the party.
John Smith: I think you can guess why
John Smith: Can't it would give it away
Me: Not really, sry. Can u fill me in a little?
Me: Give what away?
Me: I don't go to many partys and I can only think of one
John Smith: You had a lot to drink probably you don't recall but I was taken by you and I just wanted you to know that you are a very attractive person
Me: What do u mean u don't want to get me in trouble?
John Smith: You have a husband
Me: Ok, thank you very much but I would really like to know who u r?
John Smith: The party was in Miami
Me: Yes I do but I don't recall a party in Miami
John Smith: I might have the wrong person then
Me: Tell me your name and I will tell you if I know you. No big deal
John Smith: I'm sorry if it is the wrong person
John Smith: No way I fell like a fool now
Me: Its ok, just tell me who u r?
Me: Its ok really, I would like to know please
Me: What do I look like if u met me?
John Smith: Why do you think I might be someone you know?
Me: I don't know, Im a curious person
John Smith: Except (he spelled it wrong) me as a friend and I might tell you
Me: Im a private person, Im sry I can't do that
John Smith: ok
Me: R u going to tell me who u r?
Me: Well, u must not know me. Nice talking to you
John Smith: Sorry again
Me: No worries. Not sure why u r so secretive.
No reply and his account was deleted...........
No wonder you are confused, with all of these mind games!!!
Hang in there!
Nothing will ever be his fault.
I would say don't engage if something like that happens again - whether it's your H or not. Also, don't confront him about this, don't even mention it. He was really hoping you would accept the light flirting, he could get you to take it further, and then do the "ah HAH!!! I KNEW you were unfaithful!".
I absolutely agree with Livn's last paragraph too. Don't let on about anything.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))
That's why I say best to say nothing at all to him - plus that will torture him as he tries to work out WHY you aren't raising it.
I also agree that you shouldn't bother bringing it up at all. It won't accomplish anything, because he'll deny it. You also run the risk of angering him or start a fight over it, which you seriously don't need.
But I'd do as everyone suggests, I'd say nothing About it what so ever, it really will be turned against u and by saying nothing it will really get on his nerves as he tries to figure out why your not really that bothered over it.
But also be prepared to have some punishment for not falling into the trap, you've won this battle in his eyes and he's not going to like it!
It is just so ridiculous, but I am glad to have this clariity. Thank you everyone, you are all awesome! =)