It sounds like you want to try it out so I say try it. You've got it worked out pretty good from what you write. So stay friends for now

Please read again what you post in April:
Hi everyone. First, I would like to apologize for the length of this, but it if for clarity of what I have gone through to help gain perspective and perhaps see if I am the issue or the person I was dating is the issue? This is our second time at this relationship and we started dating end of January and broke it off per his phone call last Wed so I am still in a tailspin. I have went through the anger, then the denial, I feel now I am in the grieving and shock...not sure though. Any help is appreciated to sort out if I could have averted this train wreck or ?
Here goes:
I am beginning to wonder if perhaps I am the emotional abuser, if i am the crazy one? I just got out of a relationship, second time in, with a man that I can't seem to break contact with, who is not necessarily mean to me in the traditional sense of the word, but I have huge trust issues with.
We had broken up the end of August, his idea, and he wanted to remain friends. I did, but we did not really keep contact other than through texts, phone calls and email. I was never aware of the fact that he had an ex girlfriend that he had gotten back with and this same woman, he had dumped for me. He contacted me back in December (his bday is then) and said he was sorry for what had happened, and things progressed until in late January he got up enough nerve to ask for a dinner date. I hesitently agreed and we met up. During the course of dinner, he was so very tender with me, saying that he had been seeing some one, but she was not working out, that there was no communtication..etc. That she knew they were through. The date ended after a going and shooting some pool, hanging out and talking and driving around. There was some attraction, quite a bit still but we did not have sex as I could not be sure of him yet or his intent.

He ended up buying me tickets to a fancey theatre show and I decided to go, it was to be a weekend ordeal. I was to find out that he really had not explained things to her all the way yet, but that was after I spend the night there. The next day, after we had went skating and we were in my vehicle )he has one but we just took mine, we pulled up to his place and I looked back to see her pulling up behind us. I was in shock. He was like well she is just upset, she does not understand that it is over and she was upset that I was suppossed to take the kids roller skating this day. ( turned out she does not even have kids, it is her sister and brother in laws kids) I stayed in my vehicle as I am not confrontational, but he got out and talked to her, said ok it is all taken care of, I am taking them tommorrow, but I want you to stay ok? It will only be for a few hours. Like a dumbass, I stayed. Later she kept texting him and was shaken up and upset he said. He said she is just so tenderhearted, he let her call him and when he was talkin to her, I heard him say "No its not like that, you knew it was not working out, You know we have been friends a long time and we will stay friends and I will take care of you and he called her an affectionate nickname.
When I pointed out that it hurt, he was like well babe, what did you expect me to do, when she came to get her things she left her at the house, she seen your things and it really upset her? She is very tender hearted. I was like, well and I am not? Dont you think this upsets me?

He said, just let me go talk to her and we will get this taken care of and no more problems. I let him as I am a very fair and trusting person. She lives in the same town, maybe a block away. He was gone about 45 min to an hour.

He came back and was like, she knew it was you and she knew I would go back to you, she was just upset and she is ok with it now. I was like, I didnt even know that you left someone to be with me. He said, Oh yeah, she was upset that she lost me to you once again.

That was very uncomfortable to me and I told him that he should honor his promise to her about the kids. I actually felt bad. As if I had caused this somehow?


He texted me throughout the skating time and even told me the kids acted up at the rink and he should not even have went as he barely had fun skating cause there were too many kids there and they slowed his skating down. He let me know when he was leaving and even stopped to get me food and a sundae. Of course I was just the best ever.

We ended up having a freak snowstorm and I ended up staying at his place for three more days..he was so attentive and it was what I thought was going to be a start of a new and improved relationship.

I was so wrong.

By Tuesday, he had his friends stop by and they brought him some recreational drugs (this same man had stopped smoking for me because of my migraines teh first time around, and I did not even ask him to) Now he was smoking and smoking more than cigs.

I tried to accept it and think well it could be worse. He is working and he does go to college. He does not beat me and he even opens doors for me and brings me plates of food, he is kind, etc.


Anyway, the kindness can only last so long. He always wanted to change things about me, the way I dress, my friends, did not like me to curse. If I slept in, and he could not, he would most times wake me up, sometimes just by being loud, but other times by laying in bed and talking until I would wake up. Now if I let him sleep, say he fell asleep real early in the evening and I had to go to work early the next day, I would leave out of courtesy, to let him sleep ( I sleep best in my own bed) I would try to wake him and he would never wake up. Then the minute I would leave and be driving off, he would call and be mad at me for leaving.
Same if we had fought and I would leave to avoid a confrontation, say he went outside to take a call and didnt even tell me, I would just leave. I would leave a note. Heck, I yelled for him and couldnt find him and decided just to go. He called and was shocked that I would do that. I avoid conflict..I grew up with an alcoholic father and that was the only way to survive.


The day that I did that and oddly enough that was the last day we had together, we had been shopping and he ran into his ex in that store. I was in the ladies and had and armful of clothes. He came over and told me I needed to try them on real quick cause she was there and he wanted to leave. Of course I was upset.

Why should I have to leave a public place when I am enjoying myself, when I let him go see her in private and go take those kids skating? So I just set the clothes down and walked out of the store. We fought all teh way back. He said I copped attitude and he just was respectful to his exes. I said,but you and your women friends can be around her? He said that is different I am not screwing them. That cut me to the core. So I had pretty much made up my mind that I wanted to leave as soon as we got back.


Am I the crazy, insecure, nuerotic one? Anyway, he dumped me last Wed over the phone. Said I wigged out to much on him. I brought too much drama on myself, I was to negative and a big factor was that I would not fly to another state with him. He said just forget it now, you dont get to go. You had your chance up until Tues. You threw it away. You could of seen me last weekend and you said no, made up excuses, but it was because he has a trlr park he always has to go take care of and I knew he would be edgy and I would have a bad time if he came to my house. I live in another town. He has a very rigid schedule and it has to be his way.

I told him that and he said, well you had your chance and when I offered you should have said ok. Regardless his friend, who is a married female, said that the ex had been at his place recently ( i figure that weekend) and she said he slept on the couch, yet she says she dont believe it and that my ex said that the ex changed some things he didnt like about her. Also that she figured this would happen as whenever he starts to complain about his dates, it doesnt take long for him to kick them to the curb. So now to my knowledge, this girl has come back to him 3 times.


Anyway, I am very sorry for the length of this, but I just have to wonder if I am at fault, or if I had lived in his town would I have stood a chance? This man was telling me he thought the world of me just the week before he dumped me, wanting to fly me and take me to sea world, calling me repeatedly iF i did not answer, telling me not to give up what we have over the mistake at the store, and that he did not love her, he just cared about her welfare, yet to my knowledge she is back in..and I am on the curb?


I am so messed up....Even after our heated arguement, he wanted to remain friends..I told him f ur friendship, I see how you treat your friends. Man, I never even acted like that the first time around but infedility hits me hard."

Do you really want him as a friend?

I'll do my best not to sound harsh.

This man has betrayed you.

That's who he is.

The resumee of a person who has
already betrayed you, on an intimate
level, seems an unlikely candidate
for friendship.

Did you ever hear the story about
the soft hearted woman and the
snake?

A sweet, soft-hearted woman was
walking home along a forest path
one night and came upon a cold,
stiff snake calling out for help.

"I'm stiff and cold and am going
to die," cried the snake to the
soft-hearted woman.

"Please, sweet lady, please take
me back to your warm, cozy home.
If you leave me here, I'll surely die."

The snake didn't have to ask twice.
The sweet, soft-hearted woman
gently picked up the snake, curled
it up into the basket she carried,
and hurried home.

She lit the fire, pulled her warmest,
softest comforter off her bed and
layed it out before the fire. She
gently took the snake from the
basket and curled it up on top
of the warm, soft comforter.

She sang to the snake and
stroked it, to help it get warm
again, and was happy to see
life returning to the stiff, cold
reptile.

And then, just before she
settled back into her rocking
chair to enjoy the warmth of
the fire, she stroked the
revitalized snake, one last time.

And the snake sank its fangs
deep into the artery in her wrist,
injecting it's venom straight into
her blood.

"Oh my god," she cried.

"I picked you up, brought you to
my warm home, gave you my
best, warmest comforter and
settled you in to get your life
back before my lovely warm
fire.

"Why have you BITTEN ME?!?!?!?!?!
You've repaid the kindess I've shown
you by biting me and now I will DIE."


"I'm a snake," the reptile replied.
"What did you expect?"

I don't intend to sound cold or mean, but I urge you to use extreme caution. I can say without a doubt right now that I would not want my ex as any kind of friend. I've seen how unstable she is. I know how hurtful she is. And she would still do her best to make me feel like crap no matter whether we were intimately involved or not. That's just who she is.

Two months out, I did not feel that way. I would have wanted her to call. I would have wanted her to be my friend. But once I got a little further away from her brainwashing toxic personality, I realized how toxic she is.

While I would love to hear from her son, I would not want to hear about her, run into her, or see her anywhere. She is a cancer. Her lifestyle is a cancer. Her words are cancer. Her friends are cancer. She is just not the kind of person that is good for my life, or most people's lives.

Again, I urge caution. You are considering being friends with someone who once made you feel like complete crap. What makes you think he will not treat you like crap as a friend? What makes you think he won't try to win you back? It's been two months for you. Not two years. There are still feelings there. Trust me. If you feel like your boundaries are strong enough to push him away at the slightest sign of abuse, then go ahead and give things a try. But please, for your sake, use caution.

Betray me once, shame on you. Betray me twice, shame on me.

He's betrayed you, belittled you, lied to you, cheated on you and attacked you. If someone did that to me, I wouldn't want them as a friend. You say he was a "good friend" - good friends don't treat you like that. If the only thing he'd done was go back to his ex gf then MAYBE I would say give it a go, see if you can be friends. But he has betrayed you in so many ways and on so many levels.

None of it was your fault, nobody deserves to be treated like that. And he's done it to you twice now. This sounds like exactly the same MO he used last time.

The outpouring of support and care here really touched me. When I posted this, I was literally not sure which direction to go and not sure of my feelings. I am sure that is why I asked for advice on here as my intuition was telling me I needed objective advice as my emotions were not as far removed as I thought they could be.
It is so messed up..this is the person that would not accept my civil attempts at a break up, even trying to put it on me and our incompatibility, but when I would not budge at the following through on his offer of a trip and he had already purchased the non refundable ticket (which I never asked for nor was comfortable going somewhere that he would not give me information about our true itenirary other than he finally said he was going up to exchange money for money? and he wanted me to go along and meet his friends up there and we might as well enjoy sea world..anyway, that week when I stood firm on not going and even offered to refund the money and stood up to him, , he broke it off with me the week before going. Odd?
He was so angry at that phone call, and put so much on me and when I did not let him get away with it, he was the one that offered to be friends..and I said NO. He was the one who said, how can you love someone and then just not be friends? I said how can you offer to be friends with someone who you treat this way?
I hung up on him. I got the cold shoulder.
This whole thing has been odd.
I guess in looking back it is playing out like last time, but he played the poor me card to break up with me after I left a few times, he used the waterworks and he said he had too many issues. I recall him saying to my sister in law, I didnt plan falling for her so hard.
WOW, this time he said to me in the phone call, when I asked him why he even came back into my life saying it wouldn't be like last time if he was gonna flake out on me, he said : I didn't mean for you to fall so hard for me. (OMG) Then after my not so nice language and telling him he can stick his friendship offer, he said, you won't be able to stay away.
HMMM?
Now 2 and half months later, 1 phone call, 1 email (which was a stupid offer of a work at a home thing, and I have a job WTH?) and I resisted both..I had to go and text him and say sorry I missed your call, hope school is going well, hug the cat..and now he is back with : Just called to say Hey, I miss you girl.
Now...I have heard nothing since...
I am so glad they like to play thier little games...arghhhh!

By the way, that story about the snake...I must like getting bit. :(

Awesome story. I know have him back on reject, not that I did talk to him, just that text but he is under Snake2. I have the first headscrewer under Snake1. Sad...

It makes one wonder what they ever did to deserve such men?

OMG! If I knew that Snake story before...........
My ex told me once (after really bad evening) -"I'm a scorpio (his zodiac sign), what do you expect..........
How true, he bit me ovr and over until end.
I'm glad I have high resistance to the venom, so I survived.

Stay away and be safe!