My ex was very emotionally abusive (criticizing, ignoring me for days, disregarding my needs, putting in ear plugs if I started crying, going to strip clubs w/o telling me, lying, flirting w/ other girls, refusing to kiss me or sleep w/ me, abandoning me in situations where I couldn't get home (once he had my purse and left), the other time I was out of town and didn't know where our hotel was and he ditched me, not telling me he had a serious std until after we'd slept together, etc), but I'm still have trouble wrapping my mind around what happened -- has anyone felt like this? I can't seem to make any sense of his behavior.

On the flip side, he seemed "super responsible" w/ money things, good at his job, paid bills on time, was super smart and educated (had every credential in his field), had a great social persona (well liked), dressed well, worked out, and seemed like the nicest and sweetest guy.

There were days he was loyal and would wipe away my tears, and he'd look at me with such warmth and compliment me, and get me cold medicine when I was sick, or just hug me for hours, and say "you're the most beautiful girl in the world" before we fell asleep, and other days he didn't care if I lived or died (and caused the tears himself).

He yelled at me for hours when I accidentally bought an extra bottle of windex. He didn't speak to me for three days after I threw away a bottle of expired ketchup (he'd wanted me to keep it). He was furious and wouldn't look me in the eye. My printer didn't work one day (as it often didn't), and I said to myself "hmm not printing" and he flew into a rage and insisted that "it does work." He wouldn't fix it though, and yelled at me for "undermining his authority." I was so afraid of him, that I hid the kitchen knives while he was in the bathroom, just in case he got really mad.

But he also would do nice things for me, like carry things and say supportive things about my career, or give me rides places. He'd surprise me with really nice gifts, or take me to dinner, or buy me my favorite cupcakes just because. He'd make sure I had practical things like paper towels, or groceries, and would buy them in bulk so I wouldn't run out. He'd text me nice things during the day, and say "honey I'm home" and hug me when he came home. He said he'd never felt closer to anyone, and I was the nicest person he'd known.

He'd threaten to move us to a foreign country where I couldn't speak the language, and said I had no say in it. He took a job with odd hours that I didn't want him to take.

It was like he was 2 completely different people. One side was like a 5 year old sweet little boy. He seemed harmless and loving. He just wanted to cuddle all of the time. The other was like a rebellious (and evil) teenager, out to hurt me.

I have a long list of bad things he did to me. But it seems like the whole thing happened to someone else. I find his behavior very confusing, even now.

I'm having trouble making sense of it.

He changes his mind constantly, sometimes 5-6 times. Each day, it will be something different.

He said he would pay for the divorce. And then he said he thought I shouldn't have paid for a lawyer, and I should have done it all myself, so he doesn't want to pay the fee. I know he'll continue to change his mind more times, and in the end, I'm unsure if he'll actually pay for it.

I moved out 5 months ago, and he was not sad at all about the break-up. He was completely neutral when I moved out, and he offered to help me look for apartments. It was so odd. He never seemed sad, and he immediately went on dating sites. He said "why not date? It only makes sense."

It wasn't to make me mad, because he hid most of it from me (emailing girls, lying and going to bars w/o wearing his ring etc.).

I asked him to wait a week, to date, until I wasn't sleeping in the same bed! He removed profiles from the sites I knew of, but put them onto sites I hadn't heard of -- I still found them. And he offered to let girls sleep at his apartment (within a few days of me leaving).

So I thought. Okay, he doesn't love me. He doesn't care. He probably just used me for things that were beneficial to him to have me around for. I got angry and started to accept that, and decided not to help him at all.

I've just started a divorce (mutual of course) a couple of days ago. He just needs to sign the papers.

Then, out of the blue, he brought me a gift from his trip, a card, and asked me to get together for Christmas. I couldn't afford to fly home, and my friends were all out of town, so I broke down and went to dinner. It was fine, and then he wanted to get together the next day. And now he wants to go out tomorrow as well -- I'm not sure if I even want to go again. It was prob bad to even see him.

Is he trying to just get me to not make him pay for anything by trying to smooth it over? He really wanted me to spend the night when he was suddenly tired, but I didn't. Maybe he's just lonely?

Not that it matters, but the "why" question is bothering me.

I just don't understand what he's doing. He doesn't want to be together at all -- I'm sure of that. So why bother inviting me to these holidays? Perhaps he had no one else to hang out with? But even so, why bother? He then said I could stay on his insurance until the divorce ends, and use his credit card for groceries, etc.

But of course, in a day, he may likely change his mind about that too.

He didn't make any physical moves towards me, but of course, didn't really want to sleep w/ me while we were together (he prefrered porn, strip clubs, flirting w/ other girls, etc. -- I promise I'm not unnatractive at all). So it wasn't that he wanted anything physical from me.

Sooo confused...any input would be helplful.