Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So this isn't that serious but I wanted some feedback bc it confuses and makes me not feel so good. Anyway, my boyfriend you could call him and I have a really good relationship and friendship. We usually see eye to eye but we definitely meet each other half way when our tastes diverge, and are at least respectful of one another's differences. He's an animal lover like me but he hunts. This would be fine (although I don't hunt) but right now it's making me unhappy. He frequently disappears off of the face of the earth and doesn't tell me for most of the day and seems secretive about it. He also goes hunting with his brother in law that he has told me shoots everything that moves...not my cup of tea. I'm a vegetarian, hunting distresses me, and I don't want to be around it. Also earlier this winter he filled his two deer quota and told me he was finished and i didn't need to be upset about it anymore.....however since then he's gone out multiple times and idk whether to confront him. I don't want him to be exactly like me but the fact he told me he was done and wouldn't kill anymore animals but continues to hurts me a lot and makes me upset. Idk what to do, any suggestions, clarifications, and or insights would be very appreciated. thank you
Love and light,
Fiona
Love and light,
Fiona
1. Him saying he was finished and "you didn't need to be upset about it any more." That's DISCOUNTING your feelings.
2. Him frequently disappearing and NOT TELLING you. That's DISRESPECT for your feelings.
3. Him going more than he needs to when he knows how you feel about hunting and that you are a vegetarian. That appears to be his LACK OF EMPATHY.
4. Him lying (saying he was finished) and then going again and again.
5. He goes hunting w/someone who shoots at anything that moves. (That old saying, we are known by the company we keep might play in here.)
It bothers you enough to come to this group and ask questions.
Only you can decide if his hunting AND his BEHAVIOR around it are deal breakers or not. IMHO, his behavior extends beyond the act of hunting. His behavior is affecting you.
It helps to remember that people show (and tell) you who they are. BELIEVE THEM. If he's like this now, he will NOT change. People don't change because someone else wants them to. They ONLY change when THEY WANT to.
Trust your own inner knowing above all else.
~healing hugs~
If he really enjoys hunting and it's legal, he needs to have the courage to tell you that he WANT to hung.
Lying to you just to make you feel better and to save himself from "hearing about it" is an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
He needs to be brave enough to be honest about his wants.
THEN... if you decide that you do not want to be with a hunter, that will be YOUR decision.
His fear of your disapproval is making him act in an unethical way.
There is nothing wrong with hunting, so he shouldn't be ashamed to tell you that he wants to hunt.
I am like you, I do not want to hunt, I find it barbaric and creepy, but we have to let our spouses and partners be who they are and when we start lying to each other so "we don't have to hear about it.... that sets us up for all sorts of problems"
I hope your boyfriend finds the courage to be who he really is, cause becoming a liar isn't good for anyone.
Good Luck!
Not... want to hung...
Sheesh! lol
Are you living together?
Do you tell him everywhere you go and everyone you are with all of the time? ...some couples do. Nothing wrong with that. But many couples don't. He's got a right to privacy as much as you do.
I'm not a hunter either. I'm actually more against guns than hunting. But I've known many many hunters. And there's more to hunt than just deer. Hunting is about more than just shooting too. It's scouting out where the deer bed down. It's being out in nature. Learning where the paths they take are. Where the salt licks are. Often building a stand in the woods. And then there's hunting everything else from squirrel to turkeys.
Do you really want to know? Can you support him? Does he feel comfortable talking to you about it?
Hunters are almost a fraternity with each other. I've known many that make great friends. (My ex's family had a camp along a river with mostly privately held game land above it. My ex didn't hunt, but we were friends with many that did. Sometimes the girlfriends tagged along and went to the camps, some I never saw but only heard about.) Drinking beer (or coffee, or tea...or even diet coke) around a fire...and talking about their lives was a big part of it too.
And then there's the time honored rite of: popping the pick-up truck hood, and standing around and admiring it... Yup, it's a truck. Yup it's got an engine. Engine still there...