Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
IleneW's Companionship and Commitment Manifesto
I believe there are good potential partners out there.
I believe they're hard to find.
I believe that I'll recognize trouble when I begin to see it, long before it becomes big enough to cause me heartache.
I believe that if I encounter someone who seems great at first that ----- I trust MYSELF not to be blinded to and ignore my intuition and gut responses that maybe there's something about this new candidate that might signal trouble ahead. If something bothers me, I brush it off at my own peril. If something bothers me, I'll notice it and weigh it. If it's small, I'll remember it, but move forward in the relationship. A handful of "small" things that bother me ----- I'll consider as the early signs of something serious. Something big ----- I'll address up front.
I believe that I have what it takes to be self-reliant. I trust myself not to hook-up with a potential candidate, in an attempt to "complete" myself, to compensate for what may be my weak areas.
I trust myself to take care of myself.
I trust myself to love myself.
I trust and love myself enough to be able to be not merely okay, but HAPPY on my own ----- unless and until I meet someone WORTHY of my companionship and commitment.
I believe there are good potential partners out there.
I believe they're hard to find.
I believe that I'll recognize trouble when I begin to see it, long before it becomes big enough to cause me heartache.
I believe that if I encounter someone who seems great at first that ----- I trust MYSELF not to be blinded to and ignore my intuition and gut responses that maybe there's something about this new candidate that might signal trouble ahead. If something bothers me, I brush it off at my own peril. If something bothers me, I'll notice it and weigh it. If it's small, I'll remember it, but move forward in the relationship. A handful of "small" things that bother me ----- I'll consider as the early signs of something serious. Something big ----- I'll address up front.
I believe that I have what it takes to be self-reliant. I trust myself not to hook-up with a potential candidate, in an attempt to "complete" myself, to compensate for what may be my weak areas.
I trust myself to take care of myself.
I trust myself to love myself.
I trust and love myself enough to be able to be not merely okay, but HAPPY on my own ----- unless and until I meet someone WORTHY of my companionship and commitment.
that's beautiful and makes seriously common sense. I actually live by that now and I can honestly say I am happy with myself and my choices in life. I think many of us need to read this and adopt it as a credo before attempting to encounter another relationship. It would save so many heartaches. We learn vaulable lessons in life and this Manifesto is a tribute to that learning.
Thank you so much for the post.
Karasal
But I'm getting better.
Thanks for this Ilene - it's just what I need at the moment :-)
It's about being alert and sensitive to how we FEEL.
If we're respectful of and honor our feelings, well know we've encountered something that doesn't sit well in our life before we go too far down a risky road.
When we take a self-defense class, it's not to go out and begin slamming around anyone who looks at us cross-eyed. We take it for the purpose of avoiding worst-case scenarios.
So when we venture forth, older-but-wiser in regards to encountering abusers, hopefully we're not going out there presuming that any guy we talk to is a predator. Ideally, now that we have some important additional knowledge, when we get out there --- if we begin picking up anything that feels funny, we can look at this new person with what we've learned, as a way to help us decide if they're a good or bad bet, in regards to some kind of future.
Well ---- that's what I'm hoping, anyway.
I recently started saying the following affirmation:
I attract only non-abusive people who are positive and emotionally & mentally healthy.
Right now, I'm too spooked to even consider a relationship again, and am doing ok with my own company and people who matter. Maybe one day I'll relax more; right now, it's just all too fresh.
Growing up with a narc mom has made narc relationships feel like the norm for me (hence, getting involved with one)...it's a work in progress to try and change that thinking. I still am hopeful ~ I know some women who have been involved with pathological abusers and have sworn off relationships for good!
A VERY good point you made is that how we sometimes feel a need to be "complete" with another person, like you stated we neeed to be happy on our own.
Very good thoughts very good points. A great manifesto :-)
Hugs!
: )