I answered yes to 4 of them - mostly questions about the past. But I answered "not any more" to a great many more.

Interesting.

I honestly think that abuse causes as much as is a cause of "codependency", in that if we have a tendency in that direction, abuse will feed it and grow it at the very least.

Good point, liv!

I didn't really think of it like that.

I answered yes to 8 question, and not anymore to many...I have some work to do lol.

Interesting quiz. I answered yes to 3 of them, but still not sure if that means I'm co-dependent.

Lundy says women in abused relationships aren't codependent so I'm not really sure.

Yeah, I think the cycle of abuse may make us "seem" co-dependent, but as we all know, it's much more complicated than that.

Honestly, I hate the thought and do not want to believe that my own faults are the reason why I was abused. That isn't fair to tell someone who was a victim. It's actually been a touchy subject for me through all of this..

Just found the quiz and topic interesting..

Based on the me I am today I honestly answered yes to 2 of those questions, but the me 12 months ago would have answered yes to nearly all.

If just goes to show that you can change if you really want to I guess in life :)

this is a big issue for me right now. Thanks for posting this list. I didn't need to read more than 10 to remind myself what I need to work on.

I will add that I meet very few of these criteria with family or non-romantic friendships. But the abusive relationships, I find myself endlessly trying to fix things. A year ago, I probably didn't even fit two. Now - probably well over half.

From what I've put together, the traits that the abusers train us to exhibit are identical to codependancy - thus creating that codependancy is a tactic in keeping us under control. However, it's not necessarily a trait which is actually ours by nature, and so it should (theoretically) be easier to break once it stops being reinforced. It's kind of a codependancy which is applied from without.

Bax - probably spot on. I remember my previous abusive relationship - I was constantly worrying myself with trying to help, doing the right thing, taking on her responsibilities, and avoiding conflict. And within 2-3 weeks of the relationship ending - POOF! all those traits went away.

I am looking forward to trying this quiz in a bit, having joined the actual codependency board soon after first finding DS. Seems like I thought I 'was' already...

But Bax and Kevin, I think you guys are onto something with your ideas about the codependent traits disappearing along with the abuser and the abusive relationship - especially since I once read in a book about domestic abuse of women that, in a survey done with women who had already left, almost all of them stated that looking back, one of the major signs they were close to being ready to escape was that they "started not to care about their abuser any more."

This has been true for me in all of my relationships with an abuser. We'll see how the quiz goes, but I may not be a codep after all...

Thanks, Finally! xx

Yes, I agree Bax - that was kind of what I was trying to say but didn't articulate nearly as clearly.

Finally, I've had a real problem with the concept of codependency too, for the same reason. But I've kind of made my peace with it, since as I (and Bax) said, it's not the fault of the codependency (or even codependent tendencies). Even if any of us were codependent before the abuse (and I probably was at least a little before my abusive romantic relationships - thanks to my abusive parents), that didn't cause it or make it our fault either. Any more than the fact that we are all compassionate, empathetic, caring, forgiving people makes the abuse our fault.

Whatever characteristics we have, the abuse is still the fault of the abuser for exploiting, twisting, exacerbating or otherwise manipulating those characteristics, whether good or bad.

We do, as victims and/or survivors, have things we need to work on to ensure we are never abused again. Things like learning to spot (and give due weight to) red flags, learning to trust our gut/intuition/what our bodies are telling us, learning to erect and maintain strong appropriate (appropriate to US, not to some perceived notion of what's expected of us) boundaries, learning to value ourselves sufficiently that when someone overrides our boundaries we don't just shift them to accommodate, and so forth. But this does not mean in ANY way that it's our fault we have been abused. Even the lack of all these things doesn't give anyone the right to abuse us.

Whoah guys, dead on!!!

In abuse, "codependency" is a lousy title for something useful. It sounds like "coconspirator" but it's not. It's a situation someone can get wrapped up in through terror and confusion. One person can create codependency in another.

I scored high on the quiz and proud of it. I've learned how to deal with those traits mostly.

If people didn't prey on others, no one would be codependent.

I've known for a long time I fit the description of codependent. I learned the behaviors from my mom. It has such a stigma associated with it. But I've often thought of some of the characteristics as positives. Why is it bad to want to be helpful to others? Wasn't Mother Theresa remembered and adored and admired for her selfless giving? But it's a problem for me because I give to the point of losing myself and that has to change. I've worked on this for 2 decades now and clearly I am not, and most likely will never be "cured", but it will be something I'll have to be extremely aware of and guard against forever.

To be honest, I am really confused by this test. I learned these things from my grandparents, from the time I was little to be careful of what other people thought and children should be seen and heard.
I do see that my grandparents cared way to much what other people thought. I know in the past, I have too, but does that really mean you are co dependent??? These questions really had nothing to do with the husband, at least in my case. He took advantage, but I was already programmed to be good.
The only thing I know for certain is I LOVE being single.

Well, keep in mind this is part of the marketing for a counselor...

ooooo,
That's actually what I was thinking as I did see some other tests and they at least mentioned a partner.