Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello Everyone,
I have trouble shaking off the memories were either my mother yelled at me or laughed for crying. I remember 3 years ago when I had a stressful time choosing where or not I wanted to switch my major. I started cry my and laughed out aloud. "It's not funny! Your laughing at me when I'm upset!" I said crying harder this time because my mom laughed even loud and that theirs nothing wrong with me. I remember being yelled at by my mom and being hit on the hand with a wooden brush when I was little because I wouldn't stop crying. Now, I'm afraid to cry in public or even enough close friends because fear that the same thing will yell at me or laugh at me. My question is has any one been punished or humiliated by their parents or parental figure for crying or told that they shouldn't cry?
I have trouble shaking off the memories were either my mother yelled at me or laughed for crying. I remember 3 years ago when I had a stressful time choosing where or not I wanted to switch my major. I started cry my and laughed out aloud. "It's not funny! Your laughing at me when I'm upset!" I said crying harder this time because my mom laughed even loud and that theirs nothing wrong with me. I remember being yelled at by my mom and being hit on the hand with a wooden brush when I was little because I wouldn't stop crying. Now, I'm afraid to cry in public or even enough close friends because fear that the same thing will yell at me or laugh at me. My question is has any one been punished or humiliated by their parents or parental figure for crying or told that they shouldn't cry?
I have a fear of crying in public now. Even as a child, I would save up my tears for when I was in bed at night.
I remember once being absolutely terrified by a fish bone that had stuck in my throat when I was less than ten years old. I was freaking out, shaking and crying. My father rolled his eyes and said, "OMG, she`s going to die." My mother then laughed at him, and fairly innocuously told him not to make jokes like that because it would make me "worse" (i.e. it would make me make more of a scene).
What a pair of complete bastards, I now see: frightening and ridiculing an already frightened and upset child.
I`m so sorry you were subjected to that awful punishment for showing feelings that are perfectly human and natural. The unnatural behaviour came from those abusers who could not tolerate things like feelings being shown, not from you. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
(((HUGS))) xxx
Rockin, your situation also is so shocking and painful just to read. How awful for a kid to be exposed to that kind of "parenting".
I remember one scene from my past in particular: I had to take care of my younger brother - the golden child in our narc family dynamics - at a very early (and overwhelming) age. We were together always, no clue what my NM did at these times. Then my brother was invited to a birthday party, I was about 6 or 7 years old. he 3 or 4. I was not invited to that party. It hurt me terribly because I felt so excluded and lonely. So I sat in front of the appartment on the floor where my brother was invited.
I was so desperate - 6 or 7 - my mother would not give a s*** about me or my feelings. So I sat there a cried my lungs out really. I was loud and really in pain of feeling totally abandoned and lost. (A feeling that has never left me really up to this day.)
When my "acting up" became noticed I got a really bad time from that on top. I was blamed and ridiculed. Not only by my own parents but also by the family my brother was invited. It was in the sixties. Oh, I was such an embarassing child, wasn't I. (They used to "joke" that I was changed in hospital.)
Today I sometimes go back to my inner child from that incident. I embrace her and take her by the hand. "Come, darling, let's go outside for a walk together. I show you butterflies and birds and flowers..."
While writing this and reading your posts tears were coming up again. I am glad that we can cry and it is a normal response when deeply hurt or abused.
Best
N
My mother raged at me
for crying when a cat I
loved hadn't been home
in nearly a week.
She routinely threatened
to slap me, if I didn't stop
crying. . . . . saying that
THEN I'd have something
to cry about.
This is the ESSENCE of
EMOTIONAL ABUSE. . . .
denying us our entitlement
to experience our own
emotional life, our own
inner life, our own
external life.
If you haven't already, I
strongly suggest that
you engage in on-going
therapy with a clinician
whose specialty is
recovery from abuse
or family systems
therapy.
Please take good care
of yourself.
Sending you hugs
and healing wishes.
I would be beaten, and if i cried, i'd then get beaten some more.
It can really mess a person up!
{{hugz}}