Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Child in caretaker role

supportplease
supportplease
When a child grows up in a household that the child is put in the role of caretaker, in the sense that she protects her parents from stress by always being the "good girl" and not asking for or expecting anything, what effect does this have on her in later life?
deleted_user
deleted_user
i went through that when i was growing up. i look back on it, and hate myself for trying to make everyone happy, but love myself for trying to make everyone get along and not be angry. i didn't have much of a childhood and wish to god that i did. but things can only go so slow before they have to start looking up.
shen
shen
I have gone through something like this. I never really felt like I was a child at all...

It is difficult to get past it without therapy. I found that traces of this got into every aspect of my life, all of my relationships.

One of the worst things that can happen is that you can pass the anxiety on to your own kids. That is the one thing I focussed on the most, making sure I did not do to my kids what was done to me.
queenvalerie
queenvalerie
This happened to me and I've got to tell you, this is what set me up to see the abuse in my marriage as acceptable. Whatever I wanted was not as important as what anyone else wanted. My opinion didn't count, I never asked for anything, I expected even less. I learned how to put on a happy face and make everyone else happy except me. My true self was unacceptable so I never really figured out what my true self was. My self esteem was nonexistent because I got all my validation from pleasing others, not because I thought I did anything well.

This is the family dynamic that can turn any child into the perfect target for an abuser.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I went through this too. Fortunately I was a strong willed as well as a sensitive child and thought and read a lot and had a good idea about religion and God. That all helped me stay myself, but it didn't help enough. I made a post just some hours ago re this as I started to realise a lurking way my childhood experience of this was still affecting me. I must go dig it up - must have slipped back a few pages in the discussion list.

How it affects us depends on a lot of things. One size does not fit all.

There are some good books on healing childhood issues. I like Beverly Engel's healing one (see Amazon.com). We can heal and grow.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i grew up like that...i never asked for anything, i tried very hard to get perfect grades, did laundry, cooked all the meals, cleaned the house, etc....

honestly i look back now and i feel like i was robbed of my childhood...i had very few friends and before the age of 15 i did almost nothing outside of my house...i very much so resent my parents for it...