Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My husband and I have been together for 22 years, and in June he went to work out of town. while he would come home on the weekends, he wasn't there mentally. I found out he was cheating and had a girlfriend from out there. ( I knew something was wrong), so I checked the phone records and seen a number come up often, So I called it and of course it was a girl. I told her who I was and started to ask questions and she told me If I wanted answers I would have to talk to him.
That night I called him so many times and of course no answer. I left several messages and no response. The next day I get my usually text saying "good morning honey I love and miss you" and I was like are you kidding me? when I called him I told him all about the gf and of course he played it like I was loosing my mind and I cant handle him being out of town. REALLY?
This past weekend he came home and I left a brown envelope on the table with his name on it, I was home when he came home and I came down stairs and seen it was open and he was crying. He looked at me and said he was so sorry and that he doesn't want to loose me. Oh really so divorce papers it what it took to make you see that you don't want to loose me? I told him its ok everything happens for a reason and that I love him so much That I will set him free.
He asked if he can have a minute to himself I said sure. Five minutes later he came and sat next to me and said I am going to call her and brake it off with her, but want you to listen, so I did and of course she didn't take it to well, neither did I. I grabbed the phone and started to yell. she hung up and the next day she called him as she knew I was at work. he forward me all her texts and told me when she left a voicemail for him. I do believe its over with them. And now he thinks we are ok.
He went back to work last night, and of course who showed up at the hotel, She wanted answers, he told her he will give them to her but he needs to call his wife first to let me know she is there.(funny he never did that before)...
Today I feel like I have my husband back, but the pain of what he did is not gone. And I have all my friends telling me to dump his A**.witch is easy for everyone else to say. I'm so Torne as to what to do..
That night I called him so many times and of course no answer. I left several messages and no response. The next day I get my usually text saying "good morning honey I love and miss you" and I was like are you kidding me? when I called him I told him all about the gf and of course he played it like I was loosing my mind and I cant handle him being out of town. REALLY?
This past weekend he came home and I left a brown envelope on the table with his name on it, I was home when he came home and I came down stairs and seen it was open and he was crying. He looked at me and said he was so sorry and that he doesn't want to loose me. Oh really so divorce papers it what it took to make you see that you don't want to loose me? I told him its ok everything happens for a reason and that I love him so much That I will set him free.
He asked if he can have a minute to himself I said sure. Five minutes later he came and sat next to me and said I am going to call her and brake it off with her, but want you to listen, so I did and of course she didn't take it to well, neither did I. I grabbed the phone and started to yell. she hung up and the next day she called him as she knew I was at work. he forward me all her texts and told me when she left a voicemail for him. I do believe its over with them. And now he thinks we are ok.
He went back to work last night, and of course who showed up at the hotel, She wanted answers, he told her he will give them to her but he needs to call his wife first to let me know she is there.(funny he never did that before)...
Today I feel like I have my husband back, but the pain of what he did is not gone. And I have all my friends telling me to dump his A**.witch is easy for everyone else to say. I'm so Torne as to what to do..
How do you feel about what he has done? This is something that you will never be able to forget but are you able to forgive him? If not, the relationship will not work, but if you are, he needs to prove himself and not just with words but with his actions. Is there any way you can go with him on his next trip and be there if this woman should show up again? I would insist on sitting down and having a very long conversation with a lot of communication. He needs to know what this has done to you and it isn't "just okay", and that you have a lot to deal with in your mind and he needs to understand that. It is completely up to you as to whether or not you can forgive him or not, no-one else's. There is a lot for the two of you to talk about. We are here to support you in whatever decision you make. Hugs GB
Yes i agree with the others that it is impossible to know based on what you have written if he is an abuser or genuinely sorry and just made a very bad mistake. He does seem to be taking some decent steps in the right direction. But this is also difficult to determine his motivation based on what you've said. I agree with the others about examining his other behaviours -- if he treats you well, makes you feel understood, supports you, etc.
Trust is difficult to reinstate once it has been lost. However, it is impossible to regain trust if the other person is in denial, which it seems at this point he is not. He is owning up to his mistakes. At the very least it seems you need some counselling. Whether this is normal marriage counselling or otherwise... BLessings to you!!
he has a years where is was using drugs (serveral years ago) but stopped. In that process I learned how to try and control his actions, and I believe what happened here is once he went out of town for work, he was able to be free of everything. No responsibilitys and I believe that is what he wants in his life.
I have had to take charge of everything at home while he is out of town. We used to do everything together and when he left I had to hire people to do manintance things.
Even Christmas is his favorite holiday and this year he didn't even want to put a tree. Me and the kids did it and when he came home he said it looks nice and that was it.
We have a summer home and while he wasn't sending money home I had to sell some items to get money, when I told him what I done he told me " I had to do what I had to do as he wasn't doing his part".
Last night I reciecved a phone call from him telling me he had talked to her , because he wants the phone that he bought her back, and to tell me he paid her rent for December.. I was crushed all over again.
He asked me not to call her anymore as I am making it more difficult for him, really how? Then he started to yell at me saying he doesn't want to be controlled anymore.. I told him if you think I want to live like this your wrong, if you would just do the right things I wouldn't have to try and control your actions.
I know I have been all across the board with this post I'm just heart broken, hurt, confused.
Thank you all for your support.
And sexual
and financial.
What you have shared
with us, in this thread,
is TOTALLY TEXTBOOK
of a
busted abuser.
The initial denial,
the faked contrition,
the promises,
the reversal, and
the return to abuse
(paying her December
rent?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?).
I'm sorry for what you've
been through and for
your pain.
If you stay together,
it's probable that
you will be crushed
again and again
and again.
I urge you to get a
good lawyer, to find
a qualified therapist,
and to begin putting
a new life together
for yourself.
Please take good care.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
better days.
I told him at this point there is nothing to work out, there has been way to much damage to "just get over it". I finally have my house and kids content and I don't want him to come home with his I did nothing wrong and blame me for his poor choices.
I cant believe everything I have gone through and he takes zero reasonability for anything...