Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi friends, I'm wondering if I can pick your brains momentarily. I need some help getting some specific wording correct, and I am so upset by the issue that I can't think clearly.
I mentioned in a different thread that as part of my divorce process, my county / court system requires me and stbx to sit down n a room together with our lawyers and talk about what went wrong in our marriage. This is the most stupid, horrible concept I have ever heard of in my life, but I guess they think they're getting people to communicate or something. Anyway the upshot is, they want me to sit down in a room with my and my children's abuser and talk about how he abused us. I don't have to explain to you how that's just horrific to me. I had a panic attack after just seeing him in court the other day, I can't imagine calmly discussing his physical and emotional abuse while he was sitting there! I can't even.
So I am pressing my lawyer to file for an abuse exception so that we can give our statements separately. She has asked me to write a short statement explaining why I cannot talk about the difficult parts of my marriage in the presence of my abuser. I'm trying, but even thinking about it gets me so frazzled I get worked up and can't word it right.
Any ideas? If it were you, what would you say?
He was emotionally and financially abusive to me and physically abusive to the children. Even after being separated for years, he finds ways to hurt me if he does not approve of my behavior. I am terrified of him. I have a PTSD diagnosis.
I mentioned in a different thread that as part of my divorce process, my county / court system requires me and stbx to sit down n a room together with our lawyers and talk about what went wrong in our marriage. This is the most stupid, horrible concept I have ever heard of in my life, but I guess they think they're getting people to communicate or something. Anyway the upshot is, they want me to sit down in a room with my and my children's abuser and talk about how he abused us. I don't have to explain to you how that's just horrific to me. I had a panic attack after just seeing him in court the other day, I can't imagine calmly discussing his physical and emotional abuse while he was sitting there! I can't even.
So I am pressing my lawyer to file for an abuse exception so that we can give our statements separately. She has asked me to write a short statement explaining why I cannot talk about the difficult parts of my marriage in the presence of my abuser. I'm trying, but even thinking about it gets me so frazzled I get worked up and can't word it right.
Any ideas? If it were you, what would you say?
He was emotionally and financially abusive to me and physically abusive to the children. Even after being separated for years, he finds ways to hurt me if he does not approve of my behavior. I am terrified of him. I have a PTSD diagnosis.
I do not want to meet with with someone who abused me and my children. I feel it would be like reliving the entire toxic episode of which, I have been working hard to repair the resultant damages.
The very idea of having to go through this, to me feels like RAPE.
I do not want to be continually violated by this man, please in the name of GOD excuse me from this process
I hope this will help you. It would move me if I were a d.a.
Disi - I am meeting with my therapist on Monday. I don't know if her evaluation will be accepted, or if my lawyer needs my own statement, but I can try!
One of the things I'm worried about is that my stbx is claiming that I am seriously mentally ill (a lie, should be easy to prove, but still) so he is filing for custody of the kids, so I want to sound as calm and non-dramatic as possible so I don't give his claims any credence.
"I am asking the court to perform the [___________] separately because contact with my estranged husband is both frightening and dangerous.
Due to [stbx's] years of emotional abuse of me, as well as witnessing repeated acts of [stbx's] physical violence against our children, I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. Being in contact with [stbx] results in uncontrolled symptoms such as panic attacks, flashbacks, and nightmares for me.
[Stbx] has a long history of retaliatory behavior when he is angry or when he feels threatened, especially when I speak up about the abuse. A short list of his actions just in the past two years include:
[list]
These actions are devised to punish me for behavior he finds threatening, and there is potentially no action more threatening than speaking up about his abuse in a court setting. Currently he has routine access to me, my children, and my home, as well as complete control of my finances.
Previous attempts to seek protection via the courts have failed, and I am currently seeking protection for myself and my children via a divorce. It is my belief that [procedure] will endanger us."
1. When he began showing signs of violence, what he did.
2. His way of solving conflicts from your experience and the escalation of the abuse.
3. When you searched for help and what brought you to search for help.
3. The terminology and opinion of the therapist.
4. . Why are you scared now for you and the children and how he acts now.
5. Conclusion
My main thing is that I think it would be best for you not to use terms like emotional abuse or physical abuse , but to describe them more and give them the feeling of what you have endured.
I would change the first sentence to read that contact is "both frightening to me and, I believe, dangerous to both me and my children".
Also, add "It appears to me that ..." before the bit about why he does what he does.
I also agree with the change from "uncontrolled" to "involuntary", though personally I would stick with the word abuse. You are giving examples to back up your claim of abuse, so I think I would let it stand.