Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I post this as a survivor of child abuse. Maybe some others here can relate to it.
My abusive parents were very controlling people. One of the things they would not tolerate in others was the expression of life-affirming emotions such as happiness and joy. Children playing and having fun was not allowed and was verbally condemned and physically punished, very harshly. My abusers themselves expressed a lot of anger, rage, hostility, and hate towards everyone around them. They constantly ridiculed people who were doing good things with their lives. To them, any kind of success in life that anyone else was having was evil and a sin. If they saw a neighbor with a new car or a happy neighbor child playing, they had only bad words for that person.
So I learned from them that playing and having fun and feeling happiness and joy are bad things. I have had both positive and negative emotions burned out of me to a large extent. I learned that if I succeed at anything in life, I was a horrible person, and that I would be punished for it. Now how do I unlearn this?
If someone were to ask me what I like to do for fun, I draw a blank in my mind. I have no answer. If someone asks me if I have goals, I try to think of things that are the answers people are looking for, but in my mind, having goals in life is just asking to be punished by the powers that be.
Are there any other survivors of child abuse or other types of abusive relationships here who know what this is like?
My abusive parents were very controlling people. One of the things they would not tolerate in others was the expression of life-affirming emotions such as happiness and joy. Children playing and having fun was not allowed and was verbally condemned and physically punished, very harshly. My abusers themselves expressed a lot of anger, rage, hostility, and hate towards everyone around them. They constantly ridiculed people who were doing good things with their lives. To them, any kind of success in life that anyone else was having was evil and a sin. If they saw a neighbor with a new car or a happy neighbor child playing, they had only bad words for that person.
So I learned from them that playing and having fun and feeling happiness and joy are bad things. I have had both positive and negative emotions burned out of me to a large extent. I learned that if I succeed at anything in life, I was a horrible person, and that I would be punished for it. Now how do I unlearn this?
If someone were to ask me what I like to do for fun, I draw a blank in my mind. I have no answer. If someone asks me if I have goals, I try to think of things that are the answers people are looking for, but in my mind, having goals in life is just asking to be punished by the powers that be.
Are there any other survivors of child abuse or other types of abusive relationships here who know what this is like?
Now that I am older and I hope a bit wiser, I find my parents and sibs lied about a good life without abuse. I saw kids playing and being happy and safe and thought I want that too.
so I set out to learn about self esteem and what I can do to live better and love me. Every time there were books on the subject, I borrowed them from the library and like a pirate I read them and guarded the info like jewels. I was on to something here.
then I got in with a counsellor and therapist. Now everything I needed didn't seem to far away. She helped me tremendously and from there I went back to school and finally got a degree from the university. From there I KNEW there was happiness and a life without abuse. I loved it. Then something happend:
I was put down for being smart. I was told I am too stupid to be so positive, I was told I am a fake, a false front and the whole nine yards. So having such an abusive background, I thought maybe these people were right. So back to the therapist I went.
She told me there are so many jealous people out there and they don't want anyone to succeed. I knew this in my heart, but I needed to be reminded of it.
And then I went out to work and found abuse there too.
I found out abuse is not only in families, but everywhere out there, work, school, churches, friends. It was all over. So I had to work harder as I thought I would be free. If only families were the ones who did the abuse. It means that it is not right at all. but at least we could find solace somewhere else.
But there is no where safe. We need to be our own champions and our own heroes. This is why DS is such a wonderful community, we all have been in abusive situations and reach out to each other and share pain and realize hope. Hang on to that my friend. You have a lot of courage in you, Beaumont.
Take comfort in knowing you are a smart person who deserves all joy, good health, and an abuse free life.
Celebrate the person you are, Beaumont and that courage will keep you strong.
Big hugs my friend,
Linda
Beaumont. . . . . .
I am a survivor of childhood abuse.
I was not allowed to feel.
I was not allowed to dream.
I was not allowed to excel.
I was not allowed to be healthy.
Have you or would you consider
participating in counseling or
therapy?
Working with the right
therapist has helped
many of us to recover
from the childhood
you've described.
I hope, if you haven't
had therapy before
that you would
consider it going
forward.
Sending you wishes
for all good things.
Take good care of
yourself.