Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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mdavis108 07/02/2016

just celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary at the beginning of June. Most days things are wonderful...(mind you I am a lesbian and we share two children together). We can still laugh together and encourage one another but there has always been a part of my spouse I just can't wrap my head around. More often than not every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear word. She seems to not have an issue with cursing even in front of the kids. She ignored my request whenever I ask her not to and goes as far to tell me, "quit whining all the damn time". She always thinks I'm over exaggerating and blowing things out of proportion. She is belittling me and undermining me and never apologizes. In her words, "in not gonna apologize for something I am not sorry for." Over the duration of our relationship she has always made me feel as though any argument or bad thing thay happens is my fault somehow. When we do ever argue she goes as far as to call me a "stupid bitch" and throws her wedding ring at me. This is all just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to examples. I am ashamed to admit I have left her not once, twice but three times and somehow I find us back together. She has a phenomenal way of making me feel like things will be different. To say she is manipulative is a grave understatement...I can't handle another separation not just for me but for our children...they don't deserve this environment and neither do I...does it ever change?! Could it ever....I need help because inside I am grasping at straws and I am so broken.

MyTrueColors 07/03/2016

I wrote a reply earlier and it just went "poof" when I hit send. Based on what you described, I would say no. In order for any person to change, they have to want to for themselves. She's made it clear that she is happy w/herself the way she is. What is important here is how what she does or doesn't do affects you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a good therapist who is specially trained to understand the dynamics and affects of abuse. Therapy can help you to rebuild your sense of self worth and teach you how to set and keep healthy boundaries. I do NOT recommend joint counseling in this kind of situation because chances are, your spouse will use what she learns about you in therapy against you behind closed doors. So just go for yourself. And take good care of you. ~healing hugs~

mdavis108 07/03/2016

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I think deep down I have known the answer just hard to accept sometimes. This isn't what I wanted my life to be :( it has to change.

MTC 07/04/2016

I know. I'm sorry. But, you have just taken your first step in your healing journey! ------------------- It took me decades to get to that point. The tipping point is when we realize we are the ones who have to make the change because they will or can not. Taking care of you is critical in your healing. It's ok to put yourself first. ------------- Remember that if you don't take care of you first, its hard to take care of those we love. AND, by taking care of ourselves (or not taking care of ourselves) we are teaching others how to treat us.

h.e.a.l. 07/04/2016

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Please consider looking for a qualified therapist. My concern for you is that you begin your thread by telling us that most days are wonderful. Then your first issue is swearing, which is certainly inappropriate around children. You didn't get to her verbal abuse and manipulations till late in the thread, ending with the poignant observation that you're broken.

Can and will she change?

Sadly, most abusers do change. . . . for the worse. I know this isn't what you'd like to hear, but there it is.

Please practice SELF-CARE and definitely, look for a qualified therapist.

Sending you hugs and wishes for better times.

LindaKara 07/05/2016

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Cursing in front of the children sends a message that it is ok to be vulgar and express any anger in an inappropriate way. I don't think you are blowing things out of proportion at all. She is verbally abusive toward you and life in general for that matter. I agree you need to contact a qualified therapist to help you with this situation. Let us all know how you are doing. Hugs to you.

squeaker43 07/21/2016

I am sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. She continues to show you her true colors, each time you go back with her. All I can say is you are young, can definitely find someone that will treat you like you should be treated and you should run as fast as you can and get away from this abusive woman. ((HUGS))

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