Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Knowing what I know now, I'm bitter. I'm feeling better, but I'm not nearly as happy-go-lucky as I used to be and I find myself less attached to people. But I'd like to like people again. I know I can be okay with people again... But I miss the old me. I want to LOVE people again.
process what you experienced.
Usually, therapy is the best
resource for this, even past
the actual crisis.
Second, practice the skills
you learn in two areas:
Healthy boundaries
and
SELF-CARE
When you're able
to love yourself
everyday,
you'll have a
foundation for
practicing good
boundaries that
will enable you
to trust yourself
to love others,
as well.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
all good things
going forward.
Therapy with a QUALIFIED trauma recovery therapist can be very helpful. In addition to healthy boundaries and self-care, it is important to grieve your losses in a way that is healthy & healing.
We human beings tend to change over time and in many ways, that can be a good thing. I am finding that we really only have the right now. We can't change what happened in the past, but we can heal it. If we spend all of our time wishing to go back to a place where we felt happy, at peace, safe, etc., we are LOSING the ability to be happy, at peace, safe, etc. right now. It's the same if we focus on what might be in the future.
Find something everyday for which you can be grateful. It doesn't have to be anything big. A pretty flower, a child's laughter, hearing the birds outside can change how we feel. Listening to certain kinds of music can shift feelings like anxiety.
Aside from therapy, the thing that changed the way I look at things is gratitude. The more things I found to be grateful for, the more things I found to be grateful for. And, after doing daily gratitude (starting w/gratitude for one thing and slowly increasing that number to 10 a day), for a good while, it became a habit and my whole attitude shifted to a much more positive note.
Just so you know, I can't tell you how many times I started and stopped my daily gratitude list. There were days I could only be grateful that I was alive. Other days, I wasn't even so sure about that. But I kept at it, starting & stopping. (I was in therapy at the time too and that helps a lot!) Finally, I discovered that like attracts like (i.e. the more I look for positive, the more positive and less negative I find). To put it another way, what we focus on expands. It really does work.
~hugs~
We continue to move forward. The daily gratitude is something I've practiced, the smallest & most basic of things that I take for granted. Hot running water, a beautiful sunset, make me focus on my present day. Some days it's a lot of work, but we have to do it, we owe it to ourselves. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and helping me feel less alone. Take good care
I also am growing by leaps and bounds with my 12 step program. Was looking for a codependent group but instead am happy in alanon, just because my dad was the child of alcoholics and my son abused alcohol. I LOVE LOVE LOVE recovery and the world that is opening up to me. It took awhile to see it, but now I do. I am confident your world will start to unfold as well, bottled. ((hugs))
The answer: you can be even better than your old self because you have learned and grown so much! Please keep practicing every way to heal and care for yourself!