Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've been thinking tonight. I was a bit upset with myself for feeling like I was in the same place on Nov. 1, 2014 as I was on this same date in 2013 (and 2012, 2011......). But, when I really thought about it, I may be in this relationship still, and not living on a sandy beach in the Caribbean lol, but I'm actually worlds away from that person I was.
Over this past year, I've massively trimmed down my debt, started a checking and savings account, begun the process of reestablishing credit by opening two new credit cards, using, and paying them early, quit smoking, begun to eat better, started to exercise daily, set some boundaries, albeit not entirely successfully, gotten the girls in counseling, and now...gotten a second job.
I'm not the same fearful, quiet person I was a year ago either, and most importantly, I've learned not to react to his attempts to start a war (okay, sometimes he still gets me, but those times are getting less and less). All in all, I feel stronger, more confident, and less afraid of him. Finding the "stuff" didn't break me down, I only feel more detached today.
So, now I'm thinking that, while Ns can be notoriously self focused, they are also very adept at reading people. (At least mine can read me like a book). So....is there any possibility that he is oblivious to the fact that emotionally and in every other way except physically, I'm already gone, and that physically I'm on way out the door also? He might think he still has me stuck due to financial reasons, but I think he's not stupid enough to think that is a permanent lock for me.
Just thinking.....any thoughts?
Over this past year, I've massively trimmed down my debt, started a checking and savings account, begun the process of reestablishing credit by opening two new credit cards, using, and paying them early, quit smoking, begun to eat better, started to exercise daily, set some boundaries, albeit not entirely successfully, gotten the girls in counseling, and now...gotten a second job.
I'm not the same fearful, quiet person I was a year ago either, and most importantly, I've learned not to react to his attempts to start a war (okay, sometimes he still gets me, but those times are getting less and less). All in all, I feel stronger, more confident, and less afraid of him. Finding the "stuff" didn't break me down, I only feel more detached today.
So, now I'm thinking that, while Ns can be notoriously self focused, they are also very adept at reading people. (At least mine can read me like a book). So....is there any possibility that he is oblivious to the fact that emotionally and in every other way except physically, I'm already gone, and that physically I'm on way out the door also? He might think he still has me stuck due to financial reasons, but I think he's not stupid enough to think that is a permanent lock for me.
Just thinking.....any thoughts?
To answer your question based on my experience my with own suspected Narc abuser, is BOTH. My abuser still to this day thinks I am incapable of living my life w/o him, and yet-when he knew I was at the point of no return he knew that too. They are not new to dichotic thinking, it's why they are Narcs in the first place, opposing feelings of maniacal egos and extraordinarily fragile ones, feeling like people are enmeshed with them, and being completely self centered. So BE CAREFUL, be very, very careful. This is a very dangerous time, when the world he has so carefully crafted to have full control over is slipping from his grasp. It will bring up every effed up dynamic that has made him the way he is in the first place, and he will respond to it ferociously to maintain the equilibrium he has created which has allowed him to deny his insecurities, and lack of control, abandonment issues, all of it. It is extremely threatening on a psychological level. I think your ex is a very dangerous individual, and a little fear of him would be healthy for you for self protection.