Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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babyrena 02/08/2013

I choose not to memorize my childrens ss # and other identity #'s, mainly because it's there # and I only use it for food stamps and stuff. I really don't need to memorize it. It's there identity #'s and I feel like it's there's and I won't need to memorize it at all.
So my babe calls me to ask for one of the id #'s and I say I going to call vital stats to get it, so I call it, there closed on fridays.
He tells me because I don't know there id #'s: what kind of parent am i?!
He can go where the sun don't shine. It's my perogative and my choice to know my children's #'s and not his.
Ugh! I could just cry. I know I am a good parent. I give them shelter, clothes, food, and love. I insure them and take them to dance and enjoy my time with them. What right does he have telling me what kind of parent I am.
I am sorry I am blowing up the page today but I just had to document this. So I can go back on it when the time comes.
kind of like the Ilene's card exercise. I can't keep this documented at the house, he checks everything.

wvartgirl 02/08/2013

He has no right to insult you. You are obviously a very caring person and parent. So why doesn't HE know his own kid's numbers or at least have them stored someplace safe? What a giant turd he is...

deleted_user 02/08/2013

Hi,

I don't have my kids SSN memorized either. Memorizing these numbers has no bearing on good parenting - that is a ridiculous statement. Don't you believe him for a second!

Hugs,

Seawee

babyrena 02/08/2013

Thank you for the confirmations. it really hurt my feelings and I let him know too. ugh what a butt.
He knows he is a butt too. Just seeing if he can push my buttons. I am not giving in.
Thank goodness I have the support of many wonderful people here that can lift me up and encourage me when i need. it.
(((hugs)))

deleted_user 02/08/2013

Hey baby,

Do you think it's ironic that he calls you a bad parent for not having the numbers, yet he didn't have them either...So under HIS rules he is a bad parent.

Just a thought,

Seawee

babyrena 02/08/2013

IKR!!!!
when one finger is pointing at the other person, three fingers are pointing at yourself!!!
He is crawling on his belly right now, apologizing to me. He even said it, "i was pouting"
MAN!!!! grow up!!!
lol

ElenaNJ 02/08/2013

You r a good mother I'm sure. I hate when they say that. It's him acting like a spoiled brat. They can be sinister and downright mean..I often hear.."you're a mother of 4, act like it". Makes me feel like I'm a little kid and other times when I think about it...like u said tell Jim to go where the sun don't shine.

Livndadrem 02/08/2013

"Bad mother" is a classic tactic. Abusers know how to hurt us the most, and they way they do it is by attacking the things we care about the most, whatever those things are. And in the case of a mother, it's usually her kid/s and our mothering of them. My ex told me I was a bad mother because I gave my then infant son too many cuddles - told me I'd turned him into a "mummy's boy". He was about 9 months old at the time and suffering (as I now realise) from the stress of living in an abusive home. He couldn't sleep unless I cuddled him for hours. Within 2 weeks of my ex leaving, I could put him in bed awake and he would put himself to sleep. Yet I was the bad parent.

Don't let his opinions of your parenting matter - since they aren't for real anyway, they are just a way to upset you. In this case, a way of punishing you for not giving him precisely what he wanted at the moment he wanted it.

swampkitty 02/08/2013

It constantly amazes me how all of our abusers use the same tactics without having consulted each other or having taken a single course! My stbx used the same BS approach with me. In one breath, he'd undermine my parenting skills while praising me in another. He knew that being a good mother is of the utmost importance to me. So, he used PETTY, MINUTE things to try and bring me down. The goal is to tear down your self-esteem so badly that you continue to accept their abusiveness. Do. Not. Fall. For. It!

Also, let's be real here. By the time an abusive spouse is done running you down into the ground, it's a miracle you remember your own name let alone your minor children's social security number! So, tell him to kick rocks. I have two children. I do not know their SS#'s by heart. I am a great mom.

The next time he tries to undermine you as a mother, hang up the phone in his face. Keep doing it each and every time he gets out of line. But, you have to be consistent. Otherwise, he will not learn. Also, if you can, use only text and email to communicate with him. I don't know if you're still with him or what. But, it seems that the best way to control and document your interactions is to only communicate in that way. My abuser used to pull the same stunts (i.e., berating me over the phone), so I simply stopped taking his calls. Now, he HAS to play nice over text/email, because he knows that I can easily use those against him in court if gets out of line.

Anyway, do not allow this coward to make you question yourself or your ability to successfully parent your children. You know in your heart that you're a good mother and so do your children. Kick this clown to the curb.

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