Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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md623 10/30/2016

Hello,

I am new to this and just don't know where to go for advice. I have been in a relationship for a year now. I am 27 and he is 29. We have broken up countless times but i always seem to come crawling back. He tells him everything is my fault, we argue because of my actions and he is constantly calling me names. When this happens it's like I forget the bad and only think of the good times we have had. He's a sweet talker and knows what to say to make me feel really good about myself but then when he's in a bad mood it's like his whole outlook on me changes. I care deeply about him but I know I don't deserve this. He always tells me that ill never find a guy better then him.

h.e.a.l. 10/30/2016

You've described many
indicators of an abusive
relationship.

It's good that you know
that you don't deserve
to be treated this way.

Unless you live in a
third world country,
there should be a
women's resource
center somewhere
not too far from you.

Please give them a
visit. The can provide
you with many valuable
resources that can help
you sort this out and
support you through
whatever decision
you come to.

Also I suggest that you
give the Clarifying Index
Card Exercise a try. I'll
bump that for you. I
developed it for myself
and it's since helped
many people get a
clearer understanding
of their relationship.

As far as him telling
you that you'll never
find a guy better than
him. . . . . . frankly. . . . .
calling you names and
telling you lies . . . . in
other words ---- abusing
you ---- doesn't sound
like you could do much
WORSE than him. He's
ABUSIVE. You couldn't
do better than him?
REALLY?

You talk about how
much you care for
him. How much
do you care
about YOURSELF?

Please get yourself
set up with a counselor
who can help support
you to be able to see
the situation clearly.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity and healing.

Rosenkranz 10/31/2016

What you are experiencing is called the sweet/mean cycle. It is textbook with an abuser. Read up about abuse. Abusers never change. Their point is not to have a harmonious relationship, but to exert power and control over their partner. This can sometimes be exercised in very subtle ways under the guise of helping you to get better because they care so much. A good healthy relationship is not about breaking up and getting back together endlessly. This will never transform into a stable relationship. I know it's hard, but the best solution in an abusive relationship in to leave it.

momaj 10/31/2016

I so get where you are coming from. I myself have a man that is that and much worse. And it is so hard to get out. I have also left more times than I can count and every time he came back with his apologies and promises to not do it again I have now been in this relationship for almost 16 years. He has only gotten worse. Good news is I am well aware of it not being right and Im better than this but like you I am struggling. The worse he gets the easier it is to let go of me wanting the man he could be but wont be. I have went thru alot in my life. I have made horrible mistakes and most of them were because of the state of my mind and confidence and self esteem. I did things I would not have normally done I guess you could call it a nervous breakdown of some sort idk really. I haver never been to anyone to get help I had to claw and climb my way back on my own feet emotionally. I know that most would say why would you stay that long. I had the idea that I could help him. lol. funny now because thats what everyone thinks. Thats enough of my ramblings. I just want you to know if you need someone to talk to I am willing to listen.

SCSF 10/31/2016

You've already invested one year in this relationship and its sounds like the beginning of a dark, loveless future. Let it go before you bring children into your nightmare and have lost every speck of who you are. If your lonely invest in a pet, they'll love you no matter what.

md623 10/31/2016

what makes it hard is that my child hood pet was just put down after 20 years. it's hard. i finally broke up with him, blocked his number, deleted pictures, blocked on social media. i feel absolutely sick to my stomach because of it. he has said such mean, hateful and degrading things to me. he acts like it's all my fault for why we argue so much. he's mad bc i don't feel ready to move in yet. he gets mad when i travel with my friends. i don't know why i'm so upset and care so much.

h.e.a.l. 11/01/2016

I'm sorry about the loss
of your childhood pet.
I'm glad you had that
sweet connection during
your growing-up years.

There are reasons why
you're so upset and
still feeling bonded.

There are things that
happen in our body,
once we bond. This
was "selected" during
the evolution of animals
for the end result of
making babies and
ensuring that they
survived to adulthood
to make more babies.

That's why it hurts so
much to break up.

These biological things
happen and effect us
but they don't have
to define us.

There are things you
can do, some of which
I listed in my first response.

Sending you good thoughts
and wishes for better days.

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