oh honey, I feel for you, I really do! But you're right, your daughter shouldn't have to see her dad disrespect her mum in any way shape or form, she'll grow up thinking it's normal and more than likely end up in an abusive relationship herself.
I watched my mum go through it all when I was about 6, but he was also threatening me when my mum wasn't around and you know what.. I'm in my own abusive relationship trying to get the courage to leave because my son is also a witness to his dad's name calling of me, being down right disrespectful and hurting me when things are really bad, my boyfriends not a drinker, just an angry manipulative bully.
I'm not much help but I'm a message away if you need to chat about anything and everything...
Stay safe xxx

Thank you. That's important for me to hear. My daughter is 6 and I don't want her to remember these things. Did you get any counseling for what you went through?

No, I didn't get any counseling. I'm not going to lie, it affected me in a big way somehow I ended up writing about the fights my mum and step dad used to have in school work, but nothing was ever done about it, I just remember seeing the words 'see me' at the bottom which my teacher had wrote but I was too scared to, so I never did and that was the end of it. I must have been about 7 or 8 then. my mum was in that relationship a while but I think she left soon after, I remember the fight I wrote about like it was yesterday. But I remember being about 15-16 years old and I'd completely went off the rails, I was drinking a lot and smoking a lot of cannabis, jumping out of windows when I'd been told I was grounded, I'd stop out for days at a time, I skipped a hell of a lot school, then one day it suddenly dawned on me, I sat down and wrote exactly how I felt and you know what, a lot of what I'd wrote stemmed from witnessing my mum get hurt by my step dad, my younger brother he was okay, he was too young to remember any of it. But I'd held all of that anger in and I finally exploded after years! My mum always told me I should of talked to someone professional about it all, but I refused when I was younger. It's only now that I'm thinking maybe I should make a doctors appointment to see someone.
I'm not saying your daughter will end up like me, not at all, I'm just telling you my experience of being a witness to it all, you just don't want to leave it too late so she'll remember it. Xxx

So sorry and I so relate to you. An abusive alcoholic husband sucks!

This site has been very helpful to me along with counseling, Alanon, and a new church. Work on yourself even if you don't feel like it. It will help you to see things clearer and get stronger. And be prepared for whatever the future holds.

There is also a Wives of Alcoholic Husband board on here to. I am also with and alcoholic husband. He was a more obvious emotional abuser earlier on in our marriage. But over the last couple of months, he has gotten very sly about it. Almost undetectable, since I have learned his tactics and learned how not to engage and detach from him emotionally. It all is so subtle these days, but I know that things would come out as soon as I gave him an inch of grace.

You don't have to live this way. I know it's hard to see it now, but once you're out, you will look back on this with astonishment you dont currently have the perspective to see. GET OUT NOW. you deserve it.

I'm glad you're working
on separating.


"""""""""""""""" He has threatened to kill me and my family and take our daughter""""""""""""""""""

It doesn't matter the
circumstances under
which he has threatened
murder.

It doesn't matter that
half the time, he's
"normal."

A couple questions:

Does he own a gun?

Has he been physically
violent, drunk or sober?

The above question
includes throwing things,
breaking things, punching
walls, kicking doors, etc.
(Those actions are called
"symbolic violence.")

Whatever the answer to
the above questions, the
fact that he has threatened
to kill you is an indicator
that this end result is a
possibility in his mind.
This is because he
believes he owns
you and that he
would be justified
to kill you, if you
aren't with him.

Maybe he's said
this primarily to
attempt to terrorize
you into staying
and he's really too
much of a coward
to follow through.
But no one can
know which of
these it is, until
it's too late.

I'm not saying that
his threat is a guarantee
of what he'd try to do
but it does mean that
every action you take
must be done in the
context of a
SAFETY PLAN. Your
local women's center
can help you put a
safety plan together.

Alcohol doesn't cause
abuse. It may serve to
escalate it, but it's not
usually the primary
issue. He doesn't
get a pass because
he's incapacitated
half the time and
I urge you to not
underestimate the
damage he's capable
of perpetrating.

Please be very, very
CAREFUL!

Sending you hugs
and wishes for safety
and better days ahead.