Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Is it just me or does anyone else notice that they have problems with boundaries not only with relationships with significant others but with family and friends as well? I seem to get walked on by family and friends and always have. I have but a few friends, talking maybe five that respect me as a person and unfortunately they either live an hour away or more, or the one that is close enough is so busy with being a mother and work, she has not time to do things with me.
The others only want someone to be a designated driver, a sounding block when they are upset but don't want to return the favor, have unhealthy lifestyles, yet criticize you when you have a slip and contact your ex and want to talk..argh.
And family..well mine is pretty dysfunctional.
I was just wondering if that is common among people that fall into abusive relationships or?
The others only want someone to be a designated driver, a sounding block when they are upset but don't want to return the favor, have unhealthy lifestyles, yet criticize you when you have a slip and contact your ex and want to talk..argh.
And family..well mine is pretty dysfunctional.
I was just wondering if that is common among people that fall into abusive relationships or?
IMHO, lack of boundary setting results in
teaching others how to treat us
not respecting ourselves & therefore teaching others it's ok to disrespect us
keeping us a victim
giving our power away
It's also a very codependent behavior. When we don't have good boundaries or you relinquish them, we risk lacking separateness and losing our identity. We can end up becoming one w/our parents, spouses, SOs, even our children and we allow their moods to affect our moods. We end up living their lives instead of ours. We end up forgoing what is important to us physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually to adhere to the other person(s).
it can also work in the reverse. We can set too rigid of boundaries that end up keeping everyone, including ourselves away.
We can also end up flip flopping back and forth which is confusing to everyone, including us.
Check out CODA (codependents anonymous).
Setting and keeping good boundaries is a learning process and it takes time, especially when we're so enmeshed w/other(s) that we have no idea who we really are or what we really want.