Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have noticed that lately I keep finding out that the more I set boundaries not only in relationships involving intimacy but also in friendships..I am finding that people I thought were my friends, really never were. :(
I find these very upsetting and though I tend to second guess myself on if I could of done things differently, I realize that unless I choose to continue on in unhealthy patterns and be a doormat..I have to let go of some people.
Is anyone else noticing this? For example, I just had to cut contact with an old male friend of mine who would not beside my best effort keep our relationship just friends. He got very abusive via text message and facebook Saturday to where I ended up crying and with a migraine and sick over the things he had to say. Some were sexually explicit (luckily those were mainly on my phone) some were just aggressive in nature and directed at another male friend of mine who is a pacifist and did not rise to his baiting, and he also used vulgarities such as f*ck and G*d d*Mn on my wall.
I ended up removing all posts and blocking him. I have had to correct him before but he has never went to this extreme and this was the last straw. I just cannot have sexual innuendoes, aggressive behavior and such as I was a victim of rape and molestion, and he was aware of this.
Sadly it has cost him his friendship with me.
I will never understand why it is when You set boundaries with friends, especially ones that seem to abuse alcohol (as in a lot of the people in the small town I am in) and that have a history of blame and anger issues with exes, they put it on YOU? Your too sensitive, You should not have said this or that, You should have known they were starting to care for you and why can't YOU care back in that way?
Arghhh..as if YOU don't have enough problems just trying to work on YOU and being kind to people...why is everything in life YOUR fault?
I don't lay my anger, blame and trauma at others feet? If I am having a bad day or hurting..I stay home and isolate, I read, I listen to music or even take it out on myself..last thing I want to do is hurt anyone else the way I have been hurt, make sense?
I find these very upsetting and though I tend to second guess myself on if I could of done things differently, I realize that unless I choose to continue on in unhealthy patterns and be a doormat..I have to let go of some people.
Is anyone else noticing this? For example, I just had to cut contact with an old male friend of mine who would not beside my best effort keep our relationship just friends. He got very abusive via text message and facebook Saturday to where I ended up crying and with a migraine and sick over the things he had to say. Some were sexually explicit (luckily those were mainly on my phone) some were just aggressive in nature and directed at another male friend of mine who is a pacifist and did not rise to his baiting, and he also used vulgarities such as f*ck and G*d d*Mn on my wall.
I ended up removing all posts and blocking him. I have had to correct him before but he has never went to this extreme and this was the last straw. I just cannot have sexual innuendoes, aggressive behavior and such as I was a victim of rape and molestion, and he was aware of this.
Sadly it has cost him his friendship with me.
I will never understand why it is when You set boundaries with friends, especially ones that seem to abuse alcohol (as in a lot of the people in the small town I am in) and that have a history of blame and anger issues with exes, they put it on YOU? Your too sensitive, You should not have said this or that, You should have known they were starting to care for you and why can't YOU care back in that way?
Arghhh..as if YOU don't have enough problems just trying to work on YOU and being kind to people...why is everything in life YOUR fault?
I don't lay my anger, blame and trauma at others feet? If I am having a bad day or hurting..I stay home and isolate, I read, I listen to music or even take it out on myself..last thing I want to do is hurt anyone else the way I have been hurt, make sense?
Most of us have lost people we thought of as friends in the process of healing. But we have mostly found true friends also. And the good thing is that, through the process, we end up knowing that our friends truly are our friends - the ones who have shown that they respect us and our boundaries.
In relation to your last paragraph - you don't do those things because you are not abusive.