Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My MIL just posted a link to facebook, directed to my wife. A list of '12 signs you're headed for divorce'
Highlighted was an image of a doghouse, with the caption "The cheater blames the other spouse."
"Some men and stereotypically this is men are just not cut out for marriage; they are unable to remain monogamous, even if they seemed to have wanted to get married, says Bowman. Whats worse, they manage to put the blame for their philandering on you, usually for being too jealous or controlling."
I've admitted my infidelity. I've apologized. She has said she has forgiven me. I lived for almost a year with her reading my every word, reciting my every conversation, dissecting my every thought.
I unfriended my mother in law, and sent her the following message:
"Just so you know, I'm unfriending you. While I encourage people to offer love and support to Kristen, lately I feel like you have been encourging her to put all the blame on me, and disregard the things I have put forward as needing to be corrected. I must also admit that I am quite distressed at the news of your upcoming trip to Disneyland, and while I have no interest in asking you to change your mind, I hope you can understand why the transformation of a traditional family outing to one that I am excluded from would be upsetting to me.
Kristen has a LOT of issues to work on - as do I. The difference is I am goaded to do the work, and she seems to be encouraged to sit and wait for me to do it. The simple fact that she is afraid I would intentionally do harm to the children indicates a massive issue that must be dealt with in order for our marriage to heal. If you honestly share that fear, then you need to be encouraging her to seek divorce, for I will not yield on that point, and no amount of guilt, manipulation, or reasoning will sway me. If I am to be wed, I deserve someone who does not think me capable of such monstrocity.
Please care for Krsiten - I love her very much, and have not given up on the marriage. I appreciate all the support and care you've given to her and the children. And even me, over the years. I wish you well."
Once more, I feel I have done the right thing, expressed myself fairly and clearly, and will continue to stand tall. I can choose to do the right things. I'm just tired of the pain while I do so, and the confidence that it isn't going to ease the pain, or alter anything. It's only so that I can continue to hold my head high while they flog me.
Boy, it would be nice if the flogging stopped.
Highlighted was an image of a doghouse, with the caption "The cheater blames the other spouse."
"Some men and stereotypically this is men are just not cut out for marriage; they are unable to remain monogamous, even if they seemed to have wanted to get married, says Bowman. Whats worse, they manage to put the blame for their philandering on you, usually for being too jealous or controlling."
I've admitted my infidelity. I've apologized. She has said she has forgiven me. I lived for almost a year with her reading my every word, reciting my every conversation, dissecting my every thought.
I unfriended my mother in law, and sent her the following message:
"Just so you know, I'm unfriending you. While I encourage people to offer love and support to Kristen, lately I feel like you have been encourging her to put all the blame on me, and disregard the things I have put forward as needing to be corrected. I must also admit that I am quite distressed at the news of your upcoming trip to Disneyland, and while I have no interest in asking you to change your mind, I hope you can understand why the transformation of a traditional family outing to one that I am excluded from would be upsetting to me.
Kristen has a LOT of issues to work on - as do I. The difference is I am goaded to do the work, and she seems to be encouraged to sit and wait for me to do it. The simple fact that she is afraid I would intentionally do harm to the children indicates a massive issue that must be dealt with in order for our marriage to heal. If you honestly share that fear, then you need to be encouraging her to seek divorce, for I will not yield on that point, and no amount of guilt, manipulation, or reasoning will sway me. If I am to be wed, I deserve someone who does not think me capable of such monstrocity.
Please care for Krsiten - I love her very much, and have not given up on the marriage. I appreciate all the support and care you've given to her and the children. And even me, over the years. I wish you well."
Once more, I feel I have done the right thing, expressed myself fairly and clearly, and will continue to stand tall. I can choose to do the right things. I'm just tired of the pain while I do so, and the confidence that it isn't going to ease the pain, or alter anything. It's only so that I can continue to hold my head high while they flog me.
Boy, it would be nice if the flogging stopped.
If she has a problem with you, why can't she come over or call you in person like an adult? Probably because she knows her grievance is old and doesn't actually hold water. But she couldn't resist a dig through some means. How terribly mature :/
This is part of the reason I am not even on Facebook. It can be fun, but then you get people using it for this kind of thing.
And the stereotypically men thing is BS, I'm sorry - women cheat too.
So sorry you were humiliated in this way. It's not like you were skipping happily down the street one day and thought, "I know, I'll get affectionate with someone else!" is it? You were neglected and driven into despair before anything actually happened. By the very person your MIL is seeking to publicly vindicate! If there's a bigger kick in the teeth, I have yet to find it.
So sorry, Bax (hug)...
And that is what she is doing - taking her daughter's side. That's understandable. But to post this on facebook for everyone to read is low, and unfair to you.
I think what you are experiencing is a big problem with breakups (especially abusive relationships). Nobody is 100% perfect, and the other party will always find those one or two things you screwed up to try and prove you are a monster. They want to make you feel shame. And that is why NC is always a good option if possible. I know it is not in your case, but for others reading - if you keep a contact line open they will always find a way to make you feel worse by blaming you. Always.
I do understand the desire to want to provide love and support for your spouse to get assistance to heal. I find myself in a similar position...I have had my sister contact him and give him info about types of counseling and she actually told him that many of the things that he does to me are perceived by myself and my siblings as controlling or abusive....Of course he said, ":I never hit her" But my point being----I finally realized today that I have asked my sister, his mom, his sister, his friends, God, and really any one I could to to help him be honest with himself and find appropiate counseling (not marriage counseling)....
WHy so much energy on helping him get fixed?
Maybe I should try to help myself so that my sisters, family, friends, etc (maybe even a new group of people or a new church ) can get to experience who I am and perhaps have some enjoyment with me (instead of this misery I have been in )...
Take care of you Bax----she is not worrying about your care and safety....you have to---I know it is hard, but try it for an hour or a few....its worth an attempt.
My Dad and I are getting me a couch tomorrow. I'm thinking I'd like the kids to spend the night next week, depending on how session goes.
I recognize that it came from my MIL, not my wife. My wife had to learn these behaviors somewhere.
The truly astonishing thing was, in order to get to that dig, she had to get past pages of advice like 'when you've stopped communicating' 'when things aren't equal' 'when there's no respect' and my personal favorite, 'when only one of you is making an effort to change'
She never did like me very much.