Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So I am an adult survivor of severe physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Examples: A power drill dug into the back of my hands, being afraid to eat when my father was home, and an uncle who sexually abused me and even after i told was still taken around him.
But that doesn't matter as much, I just wanted to give an example of some of the things I endured 16 years (I am 23 now and got away and began supporting myself at 16).
What I am concerned about and have always been aware and concerned about even before becoming an adult, is repeating patterns and turning into my father because all I ever knew growing up was dysfunction. And I thought I had it all figured out and that I wouldn't become a Monster as long as I was aware of the danger, and wanted to be someone different.
But the thing is I thought I was fine until being in relationships. I found myself subtly being a Monster and repeating learned behaviors and acting on unconscious reactions.
I have always promised myself to end or stay out of a relationship if I realize I am being abusive. I can honestly say I haven't been abusive though, because I am always willing to talk things out or stop myself once I realize i might be repeating patterns and before I go too far. I have called myself out in the middle of blaming or guilting.
But I don't want to do this forever and I want to know if there are other people that have survived a monster and somehow found themselves infected with the disgusting patterns of abuse and becoming the monster yourself. Has anyone ever actually changed and gotten better and ended patterns?
When should I know when to stop being with someone and responsibly let them go so no one ever really gets hurt?
But that doesn't matter as much, I just wanted to give an example of some of the things I endured 16 years (I am 23 now and got away and began supporting myself at 16).
What I am concerned about and have always been aware and concerned about even before becoming an adult, is repeating patterns and turning into my father because all I ever knew growing up was dysfunction. And I thought I had it all figured out and that I wouldn't become a Monster as long as I was aware of the danger, and wanted to be someone different.
But the thing is I thought I was fine until being in relationships. I found myself subtly being a Monster and repeating learned behaviors and acting on unconscious reactions.
I have always promised myself to end or stay out of a relationship if I realize I am being abusive. I can honestly say I haven't been abusive though, because I am always willing to talk things out or stop myself once I realize i might be repeating patterns and before I go too far. I have called myself out in the middle of blaming or guilting.
But I don't want to do this forever and I want to know if there are other people that have survived a monster and somehow found themselves infected with the disgusting patterns of abuse and becoming the monster yourself. Has anyone ever actually changed and gotten better and ended patterns?
When should I know when to stop being with someone and responsibly let them go so no one ever really gets hurt?
Many of us here have
benefitted from working
with good counselors.
Look for one whose
specialty is
recovery from abuse.
It's really important to
consider this as an
option, coming from
the horrendous
family-of-origin
that you have.
If you don't, you're
likely to have issues
that haunt you in
relationships, and
also with your relationship
with yourself, throughout
your life.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
healing and
all good things
going forward.
...but you have 2 things-big things-going for you:
A determination to not repeat the past and self-awareness enough to catch yourself when you ARE acting out their behavior.
(my unofficial life motto: don't be dad)
That said, in my case not being a jerk STILL requires meds. If I am not on a working med regimen, I am in too much inner turmoil and pain to not be a jerk. The emotional turmoil just takes up so much headspace.
It speaks very highly of you that you made it out of that hellhole not just alive, but determined to break the cycle. That matters a LOT.