Yes, its normal. I went through the same thing several times. I'm now married to a very good man and by all means should feel very safe. This is a defense mechanism that our bodies kick into high gear to ensure we are not put in harm's way. Call it self preservation, if you will.

Sometimes, its just better to move out of the area and start new. It's not a cure-all, but it will help you feel more at ease. Maybe you will get lucky and your ex will move before you have to.

That does not, by any means, mean that you should let your guard completely down. If you're on any social website, be very careful how much information you allow the public to see and who you make friends with. My abuser was my stepfather and he not only found out where I lived via the internet, but he followed me around for years. He also found out a lot of personal information- such as bank details, the addresses of all of the apartments I have lived in, credit card information, and who knows what else. He knew I had a black cat and I am still trying to figure that one out.

Things are a bit better now, but I have taken it to extremes to keep safe. I changed my name, my SSN, migrated to another country, and got married. No felons are allowed entry into the country I am now living in and that gives me more peace of mind than anything. Not everyone will go to such lengths to stalk someone or try make their victims' lives miserable, though. My dad was off his rocker.

So strange, just two minutes ago as I was getting online I was thinking about this exact topic. I too was abused in the past and am now with a wonderful man who would never let anything happen to me. Yet when he's not home, I find myself keeping the blinds shut, making sure the door is locked, etc. I constantly check parking lots of any store I go to to make sure I don't see HIS truck. I really don't even know if he is still in the area, but I am always on the lookout. Its been over 2 years, but I still feel this way from time to time. It does seem to get better, but I think it takes a lot of time.

Sadly, and this isn't fair,
but sometimes the survivor
of abuse has to be the one
to make the drastic changes
required to be and feel safe.

As unfair as it seems, it may
have to be you and chase who
get yourself to somewhere
farther away from your ex.

Sending you thoughts of
healing and safety.

Take good care of yourself.

@Sarah....I think you should reconsider filing the restraining order anyway. Sometimes our internal instincts send us signals that we ignore. Just a thought. Even if you move you never can underestimate folks.

thanks for your responses, everyone. i can't move quite yet as i am in the process of starting a business and i have no other job. i'm getting money by helping neighbors and stuff and babysitting, but that's not enough to move out. i'm looking into a cargiver position as i like to help people. i want to move out by next year. i think i will be okay here, i live 30 seconds away from the police and chase can get here in 15 minutes if anything happens.


he turned all my friends against me, and even tried to turn chase against me but chase is standing by my side. he'll probably never give up, but i won't let him ruin my life.

Totally normal. This is part of PTSD and it takes time to recover. You might consider some talk therapy to help you feel more safe.

Also, from a practical point of view, consider getting some pepper spray and having a cell phone handy at all times. Better safe than sorry.

Hugs to you hon, and I am so glad you found a good one!

my therapist recently decided i made so much progress that i don't need to see her anymore. i might get pepperspray, and i do have my cell at all times. i feel a little safer today for some reason, so i hope that sticks around.