Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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sweettheresap 07/12/2013

So, our 13 year old can be quite a handful at times, but I have my suspicions that there is a damn good reason for that. Anyway, tonight she and her sister were fighting, he was home for a change, and before I could intervene, he came busting out of our room screaming at the youngest. Some pretty vile, nasty, evil things--most notably how much he f***king hates her. He then slammed out of the house and has not come back. This happened at 9:30 and it is now after 3 am.

The thing is, I am sitting here kicking myself for being so deluded as to honestly think I was or could shield my kids from his viciousness. I was making plans to leave in December,now it is painfullyobvious that I don't have any time. It came very close to being a physical altercation . Even without the physical I refuse to stand by and continue to let him destroy my children..

Just needed to vent. I'm scared, tired, and feeling like shit.

IleneW 07/12/2013

Hey there ----

So sorry you're feeling so awful.

Yes. . . . please do move up
your plans to move.

Get the h___ OUT OF THERE!

Get your precious children
OUT OF THERE.

Sending you hugs,
love and healing thoughts.

TAKE GOOD CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooooo 07/12/2013

That's awful!! Good luck with your plans. I know how hard it is financially. Wishing the best for you!

Livndadrem 07/12/2013

Please don't beat yourself up. We all do the very best we can, we make the best decisions we know how. It's obvious you love your kids and want to protect them, want the best for them. I saw a wonderful quote yesterday that I really loved for these situations: "Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know until you learned it".

You believed you could shield your kids. And so you did the best you could to do so. Now you know you can't, so you need to make different choices based on what you have now learned. That doesn't make you a bad mother, that doesn't make you worth "kicking" - quite the opposite, that makes you an AWESOME mother. Because you have your kids' best interests at heart, no matter what.

gem111 07/12/2013

I am so very sorry for yours and your kid's pain from this man. I too think you are an awesome mom for recognizing the fact you need to move up your plans, and that your kids come first.
I wish you and your kids the best of luck and happiness.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Baxjanson 07/12/2013

That sounds like it would be terrifying. I know I'd likely be feeling pretty shocky, super on edge, and the adrenaline coursing through my veins would have me feeling like a nervous rabbit with about 7 cups of coffee in its system.

That being said, I think it's obvious this is not a hasty decision. You were being wise and cautious when you made the choice to move out. You laid out a timetable, were making plans. This escalation simply provides new information that requires an adjustment to those plans. That's wise, considering the nature of his move.

Give your kids a good, long, lingering hug, and make sure they know that you are there to protect them from everything. It'll help calm you down, too - you have the power to do just that! Plus, hugging your kids is always nice.

sweettheresap 07/12/2013

Thank you for your replies everybody. Of course, the blaming has already begun and the explanations about why this is my fault and he was right to not tolerate her "disrespectful attitude toward him" (which by the way is my fault also for giving them the idea that he isn't "shit" in this relationship or family. I realized last night that I have struggled the most with this aspect of his abuse--getting confused about whether I truly am the one with the problem and he is really right. Seeing him attacking our daughter, though, the same way he has been attacking me was a real eye opener though. I apologized to both of my girls today-for being wrong about the situation. The older one is carrying around a lot of guilt--like it is her fault that her sister got attacked last night, and both of them are so hurt and angry. Thanks again.

deleted_user 07/12/2013

You sound like a real good mom. Facing reality about your partner is the harshest life lesson. You can deal with that later. For right now, get your girls and go to a safe place. Please do not wait! Get out!! Never underestimate your abuser. Your daughter's safety, and yours has to come above everything else. There's an angel on your shoulder...it's me.

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