I've officially, finally, moved on, and am focusing on mysef. I have fully come to the realization that I was not at all at fault. And the littke mistakes I made along the road were innocent human mistakes (like not calling him when I was upset and telling my mother), not manipulative or abusive like his were.
When I broke down to my mom, instead of apologizing (he still had the chance) he blamed it ALL on me through crying, emotional manipulation, and saying I broke his trust and am a betrayer and unfair. And I had to "clear his image' in front of my parents, and I spun this way out of control.
He still had a chance but he didnt take it.

And that is NOT my fault. No matter what he made me believe of myself.
I have fully realized I was intensely manipulated through and through, that four months since the engagement broke I was still blaming myself.
His poison ran deep.
I'm okay now... I have a right to myself to free myself of mental bondage.

Because if I married him, I'd never be a writer or teach literature in university like I've always dreamed of.
I'd put all my dreams away, everything I've worked so hard for, for a life where I'd have to sacrifice everything about myself. And to think I was willing to do that for him, because he was SO loving (so I thought).
I was going through my old writing post-engagement. I realize now I was never happy. I was in fact being passive aggressive. Talking about anger and arrogance and writing and not giving up on dreams, before it broke. It's like my subconscious was telling me "wake up." Everything I love, my friends and family and dreams and free spiritedness, would go down the drain. And I was emotionally manipulated but snapped when he showed his anger.
Doesn't make him a bad person.
But God showed me over and over again "wake up" until he did what I cannot handle--intense anger and name calling. And I broke and woke up from the manupulative, abusive haze and now I know more than ever, to have non-negotiables.
Anyone who deliberately makes you feel bad does not love you.
Anyone who makes you change yourself does not love you.
It's infatuation which was believable not only to me but to him as well. He literally thought he loved me. He didn't. He doesn't know how. I hope one day he does.
And now, I can do whatever the bajeebers I want. No more guilt. All gone. All of it.
I was not at fault.
Not at all.
He wanted to break me and rebuild me but I DONT BREAK.
I cried. Let it all out. Like I finally closed that book. I feel so open inside now. I feel like I can do anything I want now. Great feeling. Missed it.
It was not my fault. I am not a bad person. I dodged a bullet.
So freeing to say that.

Thank you all for your support. Please keep me in your prayers.