Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl



After a break for some deadlines that were non-negotiable,
I've returned to the in-depth cleaning project to which I com-
mitted in January. The first step was emptying just about
everything from the kitchen, then scrubbing the shelves and
cabinets which I'll restock with fewer necessities.

Yesterday I was removing glassware. I was up on a stepstool
pulling out rows of different size glasses. In the very back row,
almost in the corner, I finally reached what had been my absolute
favorite "drinking" glass. That particular glass (purposely tucked
away in the back row, almost in a corner of the cabinet), had,
during the height of alcohol consumption, contained countless
rum and Coke cocktails. As my fingers curled around the sides
of that glass, I was flooded with emotions.

I backed down off the stepstool and stood in the middle of my
kitchen, the "drinking glass" in hand. My present-day kitchen
melted away, and the fifteen years before my divorce swirled
around me. I felt the pain and the suffering of living with
emotional abuse. I felt the glorious numbing respite of the
deliciously-caramel rum and Coke cocktail. My fingers tightened
around the curves of the glass, and I steadied myself against
the counter.

In 2004 I stopped drinking to anesthetize.

I'm not a teetotaller now, but imbibe a very different level of consumption.

I will never, ever return to the previous consumption
because I will never return to the place of pain that propelled me
to drink to numbing relief.

I reached back up in the cabinet, grabbed a few other glasses along
with the one that had been my favorite, and carried them all to the
box in the other room which has become the staging area for my
cleaning initiative.

Having tucked them --- the sundry and the special --- safely away,
I returned to the kitchen to continue the process.

I ended my dysfunctional marriage.

I ended my abuse of alcohol (and also Coca Cola!).

And though it's taken a long time,
I feel fully capable now, of releasing
many things that have cluttered my
home, so I can return it to the loveliness
of which it --- and I ---- are inherently capable.

Yes. Having my fingers around my "drinking glass"
was like a portal into the past. I released my fingers
from around my habit of numbing oblivion and I can
release my fingers from around the the clutter that's
sullied my environment.

So now ---- back to my cleaning project.