Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

5,836 Members

27,933 Posts

0 Online

wiggywango 12/13/2013

I know there isn't really too much advice anyone can give me here about this...I just can't believe it and need to vent. So I've been waiting for the stbx to sign the separation agreement for a month and a half (he initiated the split, but I told him I insisted on a separation agreement to ensure that I would not be responsible for approx. 17k in debt on the home equity line of credit which is now the only financial link between us, in name anyway). I was willing to give up rights to the house (once said agreement is signed this will be the case) because we were only married 3 years and it was his house to begin with as long as I could leave the marriage debt free (as it was all his debt anyway) and we agreed to stay away from each others pensions etc. (no kids btw). I've found out that in the last 2.5 months (1 month still living together and 1.5 months living apart) he has withdrawn almost 8k more towards the line of credit. WTF? I'm so pissed I'm still attached to this thing and he is withdrawing like its a never ending cash flow he doesn't have to pay back. I wouldn't care as much if I thought he wasn't dragging his ass in signing the agreement. I can't freak out on him, because that will only make him delay more (loves to be difficult for the sake of being difficult) and I think the reason he is delaying in the first place is while he doesn't really love me, he still can't bring himself to let me go i.e. relinquish control. I know where some of the money has gone, bathroom reno , new tv, tank of heating oil probably etc...but 8k, really? I can't control what he does, I know this. But how do I keep myself from getting so freakin' mad? I just want to be rid of his baggage!

Baxjanson 12/13/2013

I vote don't try to keep yourself from being mad - just find a way to be mad in a way that he'll never know about. That sounds like a situation which is totally worth getting mad over. Keep at it - you'll make it!

notmyself1 12/13/2013

Im so sorry for all the aggravation and frustration you are going through. It's difficult enough to go through a separation/divorce when you're dealing with a dysfunctional marriage, but to add the financial pressures....it really sux.

Does your attorney believe you'll be able to walk away with out his debt hanging over you?

Hugs,

daydreamer73 12/13/2013

I'm not exactly sure how all that works but can you go to your attorney and tell them what your husband is doing, and ask for some way to get the court to order a refinance of the home equity loan, taking your name off? Is your name on the house? You said it was his house to begin with, so I'm not sure why you would be on a home equity loan if you all agreed it was his house, his debt. I agree, good reason to be mad on your part. What a jerk.

IleneW 12/14/2013

Your best option is to
follow the legal route
to ensure that you leave
the relationship without
financial injury.

Also, there might be a
legal way to prevent him
from petulantly (abusively)
dragging his feet on getting
papers signed.

On the emotional side,
have you had any kind
of support through
counseling or therapy?
If not, you might consider
looking into getting some.
The right counselor can
provide enormous help.

Sending hugs and
healing prayers.

Take good care.

wiggywango 12/14/2013

I spoke with my lawyer. The only way of getting me off the line of credit short of my ex signing the agreement is for my lawyer to seek a court order to compel him to sell the house and in turn pay off the line of credit and I don't want to go the court route. I am not on the title to the house but I had to be put on the line of credit when he applied for a credit increase (because it is secured by the matrimonial home) because he needed a new vehicle. If he signs the agreement, I will no longer be responsible for his debt, otherwise I have to wait until next October (the earliest possible date that our divorce can be final). I don't expect him to try and stick me with any part of the debt (because then I would just go after part of the house), I just get frustrated that he is dragging his ass, making me worry about my own credit when he is the one that walked away and there is nothing I can do about it but wait. He can't increase the credit limit without my consent but he can max out the current approved limit. I have been to counselling...he just still makes me mad as hell sometimes. Thanks all for your support!

IleneW 12/14/2013

He will always make you
mad as hell. He's an
abuser doin' his thing.

Life will be better
when all the separations
are made.

Take good care.

deleted_user 12/14/2013

Life will not always be this hard...I would also contact your attorney and make them aware of what your estranged abuser is doing....Better days ahead.

ehope 12/14/2013

I'm confused....if you signed to be on the line of credit then you should be able to write the bank and tell them that you wish to close that line of credit. I have to believe they can do this, since I can basically close any of my joint credit cards any time I choose. I would do this by submitting a brief letter expressing the above via registered mail/return receipt requested to the bank. The only thing you've got to lose is $10 for mailing it.

Join the Conversation