Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So my wife and I received an invitation to attend the wedding of an ex-boyfriend of hers. This led to a fairly serious argument. Let me give you the background.
First and foremost, this isn't just a friend, this was a college boyfriend she dated for almost 3 years, off and on (before we met). I'm a little uncomfortable cheerfully going to his wedding, knowing the history.
We live in Dearborn, Michigan. The wedding is in Buffalo. So we're talking either a 5 hour drive or a flight, which almost guarantees an overnight stay. That's a lot of expense to "celebrate" the wedding of an ex who she hasn't had serious contact with for years.
When I objected, she got really angry and said something along the lines of "We would be going if it was your friend."
Am I out of line here? Please answer honestly, am I overreacting?
First and foremost, this isn't just a friend, this was a college boyfriend she dated for almost 3 years, off and on (before we met). I'm a little uncomfortable cheerfully going to his wedding, knowing the history.
We live in Dearborn, Michigan. The wedding is in Buffalo. So we're talking either a 5 hour drive or a flight, which almost guarantees an overnight stay. That's a lot of expense to "celebrate" the wedding of an ex who she hasn't had serious contact with for years.
When I objected, she got really angry and said something along the lines of "We would be going if it was your friend."
Am I out of line here? Please answer honestly, am I overreacting?
And yes, I agree that 'friend' is not really the word for the guy in question. There is too much history for that.
Hope this helps!
Would she really be okay if you wanted to attend an ex-girlfriend's wedding? I doubt she would.
Do you think it is appropriate or healthy for people in a committed relationship to keep contact with exes? I am going to guess that in most relationships, at least one partner would have an issue with this. Do you still keep in contact with your exes? And if you do, does she have a problem with this.
I am asking because if there is a double standard here, it is a huge relationship problem.
Sure, some people are open to things like this. But my feeling is most people aren't, and there is no reason you need to feel comfortable with your wife going to an ex boyfriend's wedding.
A certain war vet won't sit in a restaurant where someone is behind him so they always have to sit against a wall. Over reacting? Sure. But when you love someone you sacrifice. And when you love someone deeply it doesn't feel like sacrificing. Again, this goes both ways.
Given what you've said in her response, I think trying to validate the argument by using the even scale theory won't get you anywhere. Kindergarten yes you did, no you didn't kind of fight. Instead speaking to your uncomfortableness and that you hope that she would respect this is more neutral and what sounds like the underlying issue. It hurts that she is more concerned with validating her desire to go than your uncomfortableness.