I refer to sociopathy as the gift that keeps on giving. Since he bad-mouthed you in advance of your exit, my guess would be "sociopath." They prepare your demise like undertakers, and why not, since they are in the process of bringing about your death, as their partner? They know the outcome of what they are doing.

When the victim of their gas-lighting and smearing and lying and conniving puts the pieces together, in retrospect, it feels like doing a post-mortem on the relationship. Thank God you are already out. Imagine if you were doing this while he is still sitting in your ktichen.

Yes, he was a Mastermind. Up to a point. These creeps usually go down. Eventually. I hope, for your sake, it will be soon.

I could have written this, but for me it did happen earlier - much earlier.

Mine trashed me to my in-laws most. But they revolved around a massively screwed-up N patriarch anyway, so not much of a performance even required there. As the father had done, so they were programmed to accept the sons and one of the daughters doing.

I was very much isolated apart from his friends, but I don`t know that he did it with them, strangely. He was more of a braggard, preferring to pretend that all was fine. Perhaps that was because N sister filled the role confidant supreme already, and/or because he was so enmeshed and indoctrinated with the idea of "we don`t air our dirty laundry in THIS family, so keep up appearances at all costs"?

But that feeling of realising you`ve been quietly misrepresented without your immediate knowledge - yes, I know that very well.

My parents did that so subtly that now nobody in my family of origin knows what the hell happened between us. They all refer to it as a "disagreement" when they absolutely have to, and I` ve never bothered to correct it. Why? Because for one thing, it`s not the other people's problem and 10-1 they won't get it even if I explain it, and for another, policing one N`s BS can become a lifelong yet fruitless occupation if you let it.

Kris, you hit the nail on the head with the undertakers, LOL. I laughed at the appropriateness of that despite myself. I didn't have a chance, in any of my personal situations.

Hoping he is held legally accountable for what he has done, ltwist. Hugs xxx

Well, to be honest, I was depressed. What I didn't know what that he was actively assisting me with my depression and certainly wasn't doing anything to support me during this rough time. Ick.

It is truly amazing how, now over 8 months out, I can see things so differently.

Sociopath? Not sure. Narcissist? Maybe. But really a label doesn't matter. The man that initially presented as good, honest and loving was actually bad, dishonest and incapable of real love.

Thanks for your support ladies! I hope everyone has a nice weekend!

Rockin,

You describe my family situation to a T. I love how you put it that no one will ever get it.

And, Twist,

I tend to stay away from anyone associated with my ex, but I know he did the same to me.

I'm sorry, you have to swallow this bitter pill, Itwist. I hope you have a nice weekend, too. It looks like it's going to be a vlovely one, at least in my neck of the woods. Hugs.

Dear Itwist,

I completely agree with this:
" The man that initially presented as good, honest and loving was actually bad, dishonest and incapable of real love. "

I had an eating disorder and I was also depressed while I was with my ex. He was helpful and supportive at the beginning but soon my mental illness became a good excuse for all the awful things he has done.

He could've left me when my problems became too overwhelming for him as I had a therapist and amazing friends to help me through the break up. Ok, to be completely honest, when he was pulling away I did beg him to give us another chance. It was my fault, I admit it, but he should've been man enough to say NO instead of staying with me, giving me false hope and go on a dating website and fxxx around.

He should've just left me instead of emotionally abusing me. And he says I have no right to be angry or doubt that he was committed to me because he did go through a lot just to love me...

I`m sorry too, ltwist :(

What I meant by misrepresented was that he went to them and talked as if he had had nothing to do with the reason for your depression. You were portrayed as someone with a "mysteriously-sourced" depression, when really, he was probably responsible for at least part of it.

Thanks. And oddly he was telling others I was depressed, but whether I was or wasn't, he never talked to me about it until I was unable to function properly. Then it was, "you need to see a doctor." Ugh

My H has always talked to everyone about me. To his friend sit was how awesome I am (well when he had all the control) to my friends it was that I was too emotional. They thought perhaps I have borderline personality disorder. Turns out I was depressed and trying to cope with depression and abuse. I am still getting stronger all the time

My ex made fun of the possibility of me being autistic in front of our friends...

I read a lot about borderline...

Looking back now, I had all the right to be depressed because of the way he treated me. I did not have a personality disorder, I just had a boyfriend who was constantly lying in my face and deep inside I knew something was not right...

Well, depression seems to be a very common theme for those of us on the receiving line of abuse.

Giggle....you rock! I'm glad you're taking back your life and getting stronger.

Slush, joking to others that you were/are autistic is horrid. Sorry for what you endured. I hope you can stay from him.

They twist all their crazy crap on you and make sure you are the one who is crazy. Can I say how many times I heard that from him and how many meds I was on and how many doctors he took me too so he could control me. Yes, I am very angry at him today.