Sorry, I just have to rant about this. I have been sick for a couple of weeks; chest pains, upset stomach, stuffy head, headache. First I thought I was having anxiety attacks, then I just thought I had caught a virus, finally--after coughing up a lung on Friday and my chest beginning to burn I figured I might need to see a doctor. I went to Urgent Care (like a Patient First--after hours care) yesterday evening. I left work early (at 7 pm) to go. Turns out I have pneumonia. I was diagnosed with mild emphysema last year. I am being slightly stubborn about it and insisting to myself that I feel fine all things considered and I continued to smoke. After all, I am only 37, so I refused to believe that I was really sick. (I know, it even sounds ridiculous to me!)
Anyway, I haven't smoked since the coughing fit on Friday evening because I am terrified to be honest. Here it is Tuesday when I finally go to the doctor and I don't even find myself wanting a cigarette. Whatever--the doctor told me that with lung disease it isn't enough to not smoke myself, I need to stay away from irritants period--this includes other people smoking around me and other environmental pollutants such as chemicals and fumes. She prescribed about six medications for me, none of which were antibiotics because she doesn't feel that will help me. I couldn't pick up my medicines because I don't get paid until today--he knew that, but the engine in his car blew up last week so he doesn't have any money to contribute to anything else. Again, whatever, I'm used to it and what's one more day?! I am also supposed to get plenty of rest and relaxation and just take it easy for a week or so--doesn't mean I can't work, I just have to rest as much as possible.
He gets home after me, at about 9:45 last night. I am trying to get the kids organized for bed at this point, but I know that I now need to start on his dinner, or else.......I start cooking, he takes a shower, I finally finish his dinner at 10:30 and I get in the shower. I finish my shower, he is still eating. At a little after 11 he pushes his plate to my side of the bed and rolls over--typical stuff for our house, I take the plate out and rinse it in the sink and go get in bed. He immediately lights a cigarette, rolls over and begins to blow it in my direction. Then he gets that look on his face and says, "Oh, I guess I shouldn't be smoking around you because it will make you want one right?" I said, actually it didn't make me want one it was just hard to breathe with that blowing in my face. He continues to do it and says, be honest you know you really want one. Did you want one of mine? REALLY?!?! I just ignore him and roll over and go to sleep.
At 3:15 this morning, he wakes me up having sex with me again. This is wrong on so many levels....I have to get up to get the girls off to school at 5:30 and I have to be at work at 8:30. I am supposed to be getting plenty of rest, I cannot breathe really well, and I have asked him repeatedly to stop waking me up in the middle of the night. I think it is incredibly disrespectful--more so than just about anything else he does--and it is nearly impossible for me to fall back to sleep after he gets done. It typically takes me another hour to fall back to sleep.
When I get pissed off at him for this it causes a HUGE blowup in the house. I am not doing my wifely duties, it is his right as the man to take it when he wants to, if I am not going to satisfy him he will have to go elsewhere...you get the picture. I am so irritated and am wondering if he is really this cold and callous that he truly doesn't give a damn about my feelings or even my health for that matter!!!!!!

Sorry, just had to rant and rave for a while since I can't get anywhere with that here. Thanks!