Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
In the grand scheme of things this is just a little thing, but damn is it annoying. I'm wondering if anyone else's does or did this, or what other irritating things they may do. My husband calls me several times throughout the day, I answer because to not answer becomes an ordeal. When I answer the phone and say hello, he says "yeah....", in a tone that implies I just called him and he's waiting for me to get to the point. Then......silence. Then he acts all wounded because I really don't have anything to say...in fact he's usually just interrupted me doing something for real, not sitting on the damn phone like a lovesick teen who doesn't want to be the first to hang up. I just pissed him off because I finally came out and asked if he had wanted something when he called. He started screaming "f u" and hung up. Guess I hurt his feelings :-) Anyway, it really annoys me lol. Anybody else?
Mine would call but hardly let it ring long enough for me to answer (no patience). So I would call him back. No answer. Then he would call again and I would pounce on the call button so it didn't get delayed yet again!
It would drive me nuts! It was as if he only deigned to talk to me when HE called ME, and if I missed it I would be forced to wait for his next call! Grrrr....
The other thing my H started doing was not answering when I call but then call me back like 5 seconds later. I see it as a control thing.
Yes, very weird.
But, the constant phone calls, and the holding me on the phone and I'd have nothing to say, and the love sick teenager asking if I missed him...Yup! Me too!
However the 'you called me' thing is really odd!!!
It's NOT "just a little thing."
Yes. As Godis pointed out,
it's TOTALLY about CONTROL.
And control is ABUSE.
As we're talking about
in another thread,
everything an abuser
does is a tool of abuse
(which I augmented to,
saying every tool of abuse
is a WEAPON).
What you have described
above, is no small thing.
It's an
ATTACK.
It's an attack
on you,
on your work,
on your day.
You've shared
examples of
behaviors that
clearly demonstrate
his potential to be
very, VERY dangerous.
So, till you are out
and till you are
TOTALLY SAFE,
answer,
say okay.
and hang up.
DON'T engage
verbally or
emotionally.
By answering
and saying okay,
you're doing
what you can
to avoid
escalation,
while simultaneously
limiting your interaction.
There is no "good" thing
to say or do, in the context
of controlling HIS behavior.
The only way to measure
success, in regards to
a dangerous abuser,
is to attempt non-escalation
and SURVIVE.
Surviving gives you
a chance.
But please remember
that
[1] Everything he does
is designed to manipulate
and control you.
[2] He is DANGEROUS.
[3] You're best goal is
to SURVIVE, ESCAPE,
SURVIVE
and
RECLAIM YOUR LIFE.
Sending you love
and healing prayers.
childish frikin control freaks!
It is about control, but sometimes not directly. I think most abusers also cannot live with their own brains, so they need your constant attention. There is almost always a double standard here. They feel they have to know what you are doing at all times and that you are thinking about them, but should you raise the same stink about them, they would let you have it.
I got off the phone, and my friend looked at me and said "Does she always go on like that with you?" "Yeah..." I responded. "It doesn't seem very respectful of your time." She shook her head ruefully and we went to get lunch.