Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Recently my dad had surgery on his nose and I was the one that had to help him after words. The day after I had to go and spend time with him because my sister had a hair appointment and he was still not allowed to do anything until 3 pm that day. I was making him lunch and apparently I wasn't doing it right. He makes me so nervous when I am in the same room with. He took the food out of my hand and "had" to show me how to cook it. His exact words were "We'll make a cook out of you yet." The thing is I have been cooking for many years. I am 30 years old and everyone tells me what a great cook I am. I have yet to receive a complement from my father. The other thing that is getting me is that I recently had gotten my college grades and I got a 3.3 grade point average this semester. Sent a text to my dad about it but he never sent one back telling me anything. So what do I do I ask him if he had gotten the text I sent. Answer from him was "yeah". But that is were he left it. It bothers me when he does things like this but it shouldn't surprise me as this is what he has done all of my life. In High School a 90 wasn't good enough "You could have done better and gotten a 100". I don't know why I ever thought he would change.
My FIL is just like that - "You got 90, but you could have got 100." Whenever I heard it, I would just think, "Well aren't we Mr. the glass is half empty?!" I heard that on a TV show once, and it is perfect for it.
If you can't get away from him, my advice is to stop seeking his approval, or at least try to accept that he is never going to give it. If you can get away with it, just don't tell him about your accomplishments. You don't need his say-so to be a great cook; you ARE one already! And I know it must really hurt that he didn't praise you for doing well in your grades, but his not saying anything doesn't mean you didn't do well! You did great!
I'm sorry. I know it's tough when you just want to feel acknowledged, and how it feels to have your father never say he is proud of you. Mine never said those words ever, that I can remember, and he said "We (him and my mother) love you," only once.
Congratulations on your great cooking skills, and those grades! Listen to those people who compliment you instead - they know what they're talking about ;) That is my best advice...
Huge ((HUGS)) xxx
this is heartbreaking, and i nearly gave myself an aneurysm in school peaking briefly at a 3.1, a 3.3 would have blinded me. screw him and his apathy, we know what it took to get those grades. rock on.
i must say though that the insecurity and crybaby-ness that must have welled up in him when you sent him that text gives me some satisfaction. 'you made me feel like i'm not smart so now i'm not talking to you hhhmp!' (stomp, stomp, stomp) my 4 year old does the same thing when i forget to let him open the jelly. and then your cooking makes his manhood so nervous he's got to jump up and take over when he can barely see over his face bandages - 'i don't care if everything smells like lemon pledge for the rest of my life, if i don't reassert myself as best cook in the universe my life is over!'
i absolutely know the devastation in the wake of withholding recognition and praise in a spouse, but it's even more despicable in a parent. i know you are too close to be anything but wounded, again, by this selfish, controlling behavior, but could you for a moment see the childish, powerless, pathetic, toddler that i see? if only to give yourself a moment of relief?
you know intellectually that a confident person wouldn't need to undermine you, a powerful person wouldn't view dinner as an opportunity for competition, a happy person wouldn't need to spread pain like a disease. now try and know it emotionally for a moment and see him how i see him, which is what he really is.
and in my version he's wearing superman feetie pajamas with a built in cape running around aggressively bullying anyone who doesn't support his assertion that he can fly. super cute.
congrats on getting such a good grade....yowza...awesome
I got the same thing from my father..get an 80 and he says 'why can't you get a 90' get a 100 and he said 'why can't you do that all the time" Eventually I quit trying. It was shitty of your father treating you like that.
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